First meeting with SENDco

[BuffyFanForever]

So today was my first observation and meeting with the SENDco for my 2 year old. I feel I've always known he has some additional needs, and have been speaking to HV for a long time and finally last week been told if he "fails" his ASQ again in 3 months she will refer him on to a dr. Today the SENDco stated he has lots of behaviours which may indicate either ASD or ADHD. I knew this was coming. I've suggested this myself for a long time and yet I really feel abit distraught. I know he is a lovely, well-mannered and interesting little boy. He's my oldest, was 2 months prem and wasn't breathing when he was born. Any top tips for how to support him the best I can, and for how to manage my own (stupid) emotions about this would be gratefully recieved. I'm a teacher and have done every trick in the book that I can but know I'm not doing enough and want to do better for him.

Hi @BuffyFanForever . I haven’t got a lot to say really other than that your emotions are absolutely not stupid. Even if you’re expecting news like that it’s still a shell shock. Be kind to yourself and take a bit of time every day to yourself - I found that really helped to get things into perspective . He is still a lovely, well mannered and interesting little boy with a diagnosis or not and that is testament to you x

@Daffydilys Thank you for that really kind message. I appreciate it x

Hey @BuffyFanForever - he sounds lovely. Nothing is going to change between you, other than your DS will be better understood. If diagnoses follow, these will help you unlock support for him, and this will help ensure he can acheive his potential, and live his best life. Advocating for him, and understanding him, are two huge gifts you can give him. If you can, resist the tyranny of 'normal' and comparisons, and instead relax into nurturing his individul strengths and the quality of your relationship.

Time to read widely about neurodiversity, including things by neurodiverse people, and to check any assumptions/sterotypes (we all have them). These conditions are so individual - it is impossible to know at this stage what they will bring, but it will be strengths as well as differences.

Good luck.

Having my own ASD child it depends on how ASD the child is plus how demand avoidant the child is (that's the killer) as anxiety comes in play too.

If they aren't too much demand avoidant then your life will be so much easier and his....

Adhd you can eventually medicate for that so not so much of an issue.

I'd look into exceptionally small nurturing schools too where they can manage / enjoy for a good few years ....

It's not all bad but you just have to accept your life might be slightly different .... as some ASD children hate noise / busy places so that can limit where you go (if they refuse to put on ear defenders)

It's all good - enjoy your little boy and have special times with him

I think the turmoil you are feeling demonstrates you ARE the best parent possible and you child is very lucky to have you.
Things like this hit us like a brick, we worry about the future, how society will judge and what opportunities in the future might no longer be possible.

Don't fear a diagnosis, it is the start to finding solutions (and help). There are many good people out there who will extend a helping hand and support you.
Use forums and support there are many very good sites that offer advice to you.

All children with SEN are different. remember it is called an autistic spectrum because there are many graduations. We just cope with what we have and improve where we can. It takes time, many issues can be overcome. But remember we don't need to try and change "what's wrong" we just need to help where we can.
Behaviour is not pre-programmed, with support and guidance you can overcome what may seem like a mountain at the moment. Keep a diary write down your worries and then the same week next year look back and see how things have changed. Write down all the positives as well!

I resisted getting an autism diagnosis for my daughter for 18 months because I wanted to avoid the "stigma" of having a badge and her being put in the "special class" at school - it was a mistake. When you get the experts to help you understand how you child is different, you can focus on helping them, not worrying about what may be coming next.
Sure there will be upsets along the way and disappointments. But every day tell you child how proud you are of them and celebrate every little achievement.

I look at my daughter and see every day what a lovely polite you lady she has become, and I feel nothing but pride and wouldn't change one thing about her.
The very best luck for your future.