24 months toddler hitting other children at nursery

[Nevermind2020]

I strongly suspect my DS has SEN, we are on the waiting list to get diagnosis. He has never been interested in other children, only if they had a toy he wanted and then he would try to snatch it from them but that would happen rarely, he would generally be ok to parallel play next to them.

In the past three weeks he has been hitting at nursery, there have been at least two incidents per day where he scratched, hit or pushed other kids. Outside of nursery I observed that he did it to other kids if they approached him or tried to play with him. He also looks and growls at adults he doesn’t know.

He is speech delayed - so I think some of the frustration must be due to that. We also recently went on holiday and half way through the holiday he started exhibiting this behaviour and it has been non stop since. I don’t think nursery are coping and I’m worried that they will kick him out. I’m also wondering if this is the right setting for him? Has anyone gone through this and what helped? Should we look for another nursery or a child minder may be a bit less overwhelming? We are going to
see a private SLT so will ask for strategies too but at the moment it’s so heart breaking hearing he is hurting other kids. Nursery SENCO hasn’t been that helpful I think due to inexperience, she tried to apply for him to get assessed and said the waiting list is 8 months and their initial request was rejected anyway as he was below 2 years of age. Is there anyway to get it fast tracked since he’s showing aggressive behaviours?

What support is the nursery providing? If they need more support have they asked the Area SENCO for advice? They may also be able to apply for early years inclusion funding - in some areas it isn’t available until 3, but in others it is available to 2 year olds.

Has an EHCNA been requested? If not, you should request one, on their website IPSEA have a model letter you can use.

Sometimes urgent cases can be prioritised. However, realistically, what you describe wouldn’t be classed as urgent in many areas.

Hi @Nevermind2020

Do you have any update on this? Very similar situation here :(

My son did this. I wish I knew then what I do now! Firstly, record everything- you may need it later on for any assessments IF he may be ND (not saying he is!!). Look into Portage and see if they can help.

Look into a private SLT and a private OT who can come and observe him at nursery and see what they think is going on.

We kept getting told 'he's so young' and my concerned were all dismissed. Turns out there was lots of help available but I didn't know where to look. We now (at 5 years old) have an ADHD diagnosis for him and are in the middle of an ASD assessment. Finally got him looked at by an SLT and an OT and that has been so useful. It CAN just be toddler behaviour, but MIGHT be neurodiversiry.

@Worriedmotheroftwo thanks for your reply. This is what I'm thinking. Did you see any other early signs? Apart from aggression and hitting.

@c307 he used to go into a room and just hit everyone in sight but now at 2 years + 8 months those days are long gone (fingers crossed!!!) we would ignore that behaviour at home and we worked on naming emotions (sad, crying, angry, upset etc) and at nursery they worked on him apologising once he did something like that and made him realise that he was hurting others. His speech has improved (though still a bit delayed), he is interested in playing with other kids and hitting them is not a default option.

Is your child doing this in nursery? What did they say? I remember being so stressed during this period as I would frequently get phone calls to say he has done something but now I just get a boring ‘he’s had a good day in the nursery’ at pick up and I’m never taking these words for granted every again.

@Worriedmotheroftwo thanks for your reply. This is what I'm thinking. Did you see any other early signs? Apart from aggression and hithungry!

Things that jumped out to me at the time...

He stimmed (repetitive movements) from a young age, and still does. Not hand flapping, but a bit of head shaking, and clapping etc when excited. Again, nothing necessarily out or the ordinary, but part of a bigger picture.

He tantrummed a LOT. I felt like I was walking on egg shells with him as he would get very upset very easily. Again could be put down to the terrible twos.

He has never been very affectionate and I've had to 'teach' him hugging.

These are the mains things. He passed ASQs and M-chat so wasn't (and still isn't) obviously autistic. All autistic kids are so different though. My friend's son is autistic and he's never had a tantrum in his life, and is very huggy!

Try the ASQ:SE2 as well. I didn't realise this existed but if I had, I would have had evidence that he needed support.

Whether your son is ND or not, it wouldn't hurt to have some extra support. Do look at Portage, and maybe give your local County Council SEN Hub a call to ask what local support there is (I didn't realise this existed!). Also the Health Visitor should be able to signpost support.