Hello! Please, please bear with me this will be long re different schools I have seen/spoken to and will appreciate your thoughts as I have no idea what Is a red flag or not and don’t want to cross off a school unnecessarily.
I am in the process of looking around primary schools for my ds who has very delayed speech and social skills and now has asd/asc diagnosis. He’s doing fine (as can be) at the current daycare nursery which he started in sept and making excellent progress from his starting points but we are not sure if he needs an ehcp (send officer said he doesn’t and now saying she wants to observe again in autumn and see, we’ve had two reviews so far.
I would like to send him to a school nursery (autumn born) for ease of transition before reception and also to have a ‘feel’ of the favourite school before committing for reception year so I am looking at schools I would like him to attend.
Anyway school A looks good on website not just the bog standard send report and policy but have a nice summary about their send kids and what type of send and how many, ehcp etc, what they do well and what to improve on etc. I really liked this as other school websites don’t go into detail and don’t make it personal to the school. It is the second closest, really friendly reception person, helpful on the phone, responsive etc. the school is very undersubscribed 1.5 form entry as many are around here perhaps due to lower birth rate as they are not failing schools so cannot be because people don’t want to send their kids there. Composite classes.
Anyway, the reception person arranged a tour and asked if ds would be coming, I said probably not as he has a park trip with his nursery and anyway he might run around or be disruptive as I want to focus on the tour (I have no idea if he would be disruptive as he hasn’t been to a school tour before and have no idea how he’d react so want to err on the side of caution, he’s not disruptive at nursery) anyway she sounded abit disappointed on the day when I said I hadn’t brought him. At the tour the headteacher spoke to a
couple of the kids there, asked them each direct questions, what their name is, how old they are, how many fish in the water etc. Now I started to feel relieved I hadn’t brought my ds as I think he’d get tired going up big flight of stairs and more walking etc. but more relieved as I prevented him being put on the spot like this. I don’t like this myself and get anxious (his u has actually has referred me with my permission for ASC as he’s suspicious I have it) so maybe I am projecting. Now while my ds would be able to answer these questions to me or his keyworker ie not a stranger I have no idea if he would have reacted like I would and get nervous. I felt the headteacher was almost ‘testing’ the kids. Those kids seemed NT and seemed to be fine answering questions confidently even if incorrect answers and I am worried if that would be the right approach if they knew a child with ASC diagnosis behind with social skills would want to be questioned like this? Also they are having a parent stay and play for the class, again I am nervous about the other kids playing ‘normally’ whereas my ds is still learning social skills and how to play with others (no extended family/cousins to play with) and he might stick out like a sore thumb I know this will happen in class but I feel worried the other parents will judge him, I would never judge another child and never have done even before my own dc diagnosis but reading threads on mumsnet makes me worried. Do you think I am overreacting or is this okay for the school to set up these things or if it’s something I’m meant to query and let them know my worries? I don’t want to cross it off my list if I’m being silly as I have no idea what is the norm and if they should be asking me if we would feel comfortable with this. I have not spoken to the school sendco or anyone about his needs as I was hoping they would offer but the school do booking in with the class teacher once I confirm nursery place which I thought was nice so it’s hard to know what to expect. School is a community school is that makes any difference to send provision.
next school B is single form entry small school, I had seen this school before school A. The head showed me around personally, again undersubscribed school but slightly more deprived area, was a failing school before MAT took over (academy) but good subsequent ofsteds. Sendco also rang me as head put me in touch as I wanted some advice on whether to apply for ehcp or wait and she said she would help if I wanted to apply but equally could see how ds is and apply when he starts at the school. The only reason I cannot send him there is because they do not have any wrap around care and cannot find any childminders who are near this school, otherwise I had a nice feel for the school and felt it was right. My work hours are already school hours but I would be slightly late at pick up (20 mins max) but school haven’t offered any suggestions but I am still making queries. They don’t have nursery spaces anyway so I’m in no rush.
third school C is closest, voluntary aided church school. Not Christian but respect the values and as it’s closest will feel more part of the local community if not the religious community. However, they Seem very reluctant to show me around, not very friendly on email, I will ring them and again try to have a show around as I don’t want to read too much into the first impressions. After requesting to speak to Sendco they said the Sendco will speak to me nearer the time ds starts but I want to speak to them before if that makes sense? I already feel they’re not very approachable but that could just be on email and they won’t be so standoffish when we are there?
I’m so sorry for this long post, I hesitated in posting it as all our kids are individuals but just wanted to see what parents of children with send think as we would have more interaction with the chosen school especially for review meetings, ehcp etc. I don’t want to judge school C on these interactions alone as it’s the nearest but would appreciate your thoughts on this.
many thanks for reading and apologies again for being so long.
RR x