Private ASD/ADHD assessment - only one parent consulted

[PurpleCityscape]

Dc on waiting list for NHS assessment through which he won't get seen for well over a year (been on list for nearly a year already). In the meantime school problems have been getting worse and worse so I decided to get him privately assessed.

I'm not with his father - father says his behaviour is all down to 'lack of discipline' and thinks he's just being 'naughty' and is largely unwilling to make any adjustments for dcs needs at all. I've told father that I'm paying for private assessment to expedite potential avenues of help for dc, and he has raised no objections.

Dc has now had the assessment, and his father is complaining about not being involved, and wanting to know why he wasn't.

Honestly - the reason he wasn't is that I am paying a shit load of money for this assessment and I wanted it to be all about dc and for the assessors to get as much info as they need about dc. The father talks over me all the time, never stays on point, goes off on tangents and makes everything all about him. The parent interview took 2 hours, without him involved - it would have either been much much longer or not completed.

Also dc hates his dad and would not have gone to the assessment appointment if his dad would have been there.

Is it bad that I didn't involve the father other than telling him it was happening?
Fwiw, I did ask him to let me know anything he thought relevant to tell the assessor. He sent me a list of how awful dc is and how it's all because I left him and don't 'discipline' to his liking.

Bump?

How old is DC? If too young to make the decision themselves I personally think both parents should be given the opportunity to attend medical appointments. However, going private and only you paying needs to be considered, I’m not sure whether that changes things.

Dc is 11. He would not have got if dad would have been there.

It's an assessment of a child. The child's comfort, and the creation of clinical conditions that facilitate data collection, are the key considerations.

That said, SEN parenting is hard enough without you being on different pages. What can you both do to improve co-parenting and mutual understanding of your child? Can you pay to do a joint session with assessing clinician, or with a private child psychologist, to discuss the assessment findings and implications for parenting strategies (without your child in the middle of it)?

Honestly I can't afford that. I've pulled everything possible to scrape the funds for the assessment. But it's a thought and I will see if there are any free resources that may be of help. Thanks for the suggestion.

Or can you DC's Dad to stump up for that bit, seeing as you paid for the assessment? Would the clinic recommend any resources (books/video etc) relevant to DC's profile/conditions?

He definitely would not do that. I will def ask them and also there is a local charity who may be able to help.