Where do I go now. School wants to rerefer ...i feel so lost

[Woodward23]

My son is nearly 7 and was under a pead since the age of 2. He was discharged 6 months ago with a diagnosis as learning difficulties with socal emotional and personal immaturity+ speech language delay. We was going for the diagnoses of autism but there wasn't enough evidence/criteria to reach it. (we have had numerous tests/assessments/meetings ect also).
Bit of background-
I've always felt since a young age there was something different with him. He was late in everything! Difficult eater /sensory issues , lack of motor skills , speech issues, outbursts, attention, lack of eye contact ,weird expressive things with his body, wouldn't play with peers, different compared to other kids his age, the list could go on ! we only thought of autism so that's what we went in thinking it was.

Nursery I didn't get any support from they couldn't have cared less they didn't do any of the aad forms correctly they ticked no concerns for pretty much every box and I feel the school his at now though they do have some support ive been told in place. Individual working, on the SEN register, IEP, finger gym, bands on chairs to stop him from being restless, early lunchtime is what I've been told has been put in place.
And they have done forms correctly
I just get the feeling the senco isn't interested either
I'm always having to do the chasing up of paperwork or forms, even just an update as they never tell me anything. She won't put in for an ehcp as they belive they can manage his needs.
I spoke to school senco after he was discharged to say what do I do now and they told me to drop it pretty much and let's watch and wait.

Sorry im rambling- yesterday his teacher brought him out to me and asked where we was basically with a diagnosis .I said to them hed been discharged and told the reasons why. (the senco has all the medical letters and they have been informed about every step of the way)
The class teacher has noticed thats his regressed with his listening, attention to getting him to sit down, stop wandering around, doing the work his been told to do, sitting still in assembly
His a very clever boy his reading is outstanding and he has came a long long way and progressd in 5 years the speech is so much clearer and a lot of my initial concerns have gone but I do still truly belive there is something. Some one told me about ADD - attention deficit disorder so now I'm wondering if it's thats, ive never ever heard of it. The class teacher has told me he really needs to be referred again and I need to put my feet down and push for it. After 5 years I don't know how to keep pushing for it and now im confused on how to even get refered again. Do I go to the gp or do i phone the secretary of our peadiatrician (who we also really didn't like her attitude as the 1st ever time he went in he played with her straight away she said no he doesn't have autism as his interacting with me)

I just feel a bit lost hence its 2.45am and I can't sleep thanks for reading

Guess there are two things here:

• if you think there is something that needs assessment, get a letter from the class teacher describing what they have observed and take that to the GP and (plus you could additionally send to Paed's secretary on off chance there is any route back in without rereferral (guess that's unlikely)).
• you can apply for an EHCP without school's agreement. Get the standard letter from IPSEA's website; it's a straightforward thing to request an assessment and your DC's diagnoses will help demonstrate there are special educational needs.

Email the teacher with a summary of the conversation so you have a paper trail should you require it. Do this for all verbal conversations.

As pp posted, you can request an EHCNA yourself. Support in schools is based on needs, not diagnosis. Unfortunately you having to chase isn’t uncommon and doesn’t necessarily mean the SENCO doesn’t care, the system is overloaded.

You could call the paediatrician’s secretary if you would like to go back to them, although you may still require a normal re-referral, but if you want a second opinion you could ask to go elsewhere.

I first took my son to see a paediatrician aged 18 months as I suspected he was autistic. They said it was too early to say and discharged him. Then his preschool had concerns around 3.5yrs and got an LA Ed Psych into assess him and recommended I ask GP to refer back to paediatrician and again they discharged him
after a couple of appts as they felt there wasn’t enough evidence. Fast forward to year 3 and his teacher described issues in the classroom and felt I should go back to the GP - I did and we all went into covid lockdown, then a year later I got a letter out of the blue saying my son was going to be assessed for ASD. He was finally diagnosed aged 9 and then come year 5 his teacher suggested we ask the GP to refer him
for an ADHD assessment too. He got the ADHD diagnosis aged 10 (we went privately for that as wait times were so long and we were worried about how close to secondary transition we were getting and wanted the diagnosis in place before that).
I suppose I’m trying to say that being discharged doesn’t mean you can’t go back again, especially if you have new evidence to present. I could see the signs on my son from an early age, who is also bright, hence he was overlooked for quite a few years as he was “meeting expected standard”.
The way you describe your son sounds similar to my son when he was younger- I just knew. Also, my understanding of ADD is that it’s ADHD but without the hyperactivity. I think in UK they tend to diagnose ADHD even if the child doesn’t display hyperactivity. You can take ADHD medicine for it. My son has the full suite of ADHD, it causes him to call out in class and makes him impulsive and has big emotional outbursts. The medicine really helps him
keep that type of behaviour in check which is important for him because he doesn’t like getting in trouble and he wants to feel like his peers and not do things that make him
stand out.
i would go to your GP and if you can take a letter from your son’s teacher all the better. My son’s teacher wrote a referral letter for us. Often they want to see behaviour in more than one setting, so home and school. The doctor’s secretary sounds terribly out of touch and ignorant about autism! Autistic people mask their behaviour a lot of the time, so he may have interacted with her but it doesn’t mean he isn’t autistic!
I used to hear the term “high functioning autism” and that is being moved away from because “high functioning” suggests a person doesn’t have a great need, so they can struggle to get the help and support they should - and the opposite, low functioning, suggest a person has great need and so may not get the opportunities they deserve, and people feel they are not capable.
I hope you find the strength to go and see your GP and ask to be seen again. It is really exhausting and emotionally draining being the parents of a child with additional needs, you have to fight for them to get the support they need all the time. Try and find a network for parents with children with autism/ADHD, there is support for parents whose child is suspected and doesn’t yet have a diagnosis. I wish you all the best. x

@SuperSue77 thank you for sharing your story it does feel very similar to my son like we I think know there is something but its just not obvious enough it seems to get a diagnosis
Autism is such broad spectrum but im sure his in there some where!
Me and husband have decided were going to have a meeting with the senco teacher and class teacher and get a letter and go from there. Im also going to get some more speech therapy in though its usless as they don't do regular lessons it'd be good to see what else we can do . There like an open register so I just need to ring them up.

Also yes I don't like the specialist at all he was under so im going to ask to be seen by someone else
Thank you again

@SuperSue77 ive just got this feeling that because it was the class teacher who spoke to me about it I don't think the senco teacher is going to be in the same mindset so that's going to be fun!