Year 10, dyslexia, poor school attendance…

[LoisLanyard]

My DD (year 10) has moderate dyslexia, only diagnosed a year ago or so. I suspect she may have ADHD and / or is on the spectrum too. School have always said there were no issues - she’s just quiet etc etc. Her predicted gcse grades are all around 3/4/5, and my main thinking is that if she can just pass maths and English at least then she will have some options. However, she has missed around 10 days of school already this year - some due to sickness but quite a few due to mental health - curling up in a ball in the corner of the room refusing to go, crying….she is bigger than me so even if I wanted to I couldn’t physically dress her and drag her to school. School have told me that due to her attendance and her predicted grades her post 16 options are now limited. I feel like I am massively failing her - I don’t know what to do next. We’ve tried tutors, sitting down every evening to encourage going back through work - it works for a while and then she explodes with stress and anxiety. I think school think I’m making everything up with her mental health. I’m not sure what I’m asking everyone here, maybe it’s do I need to just get my daughter to “toughen up”, or is there a clear link between SEN and MH (surely there is?). Even if there is a link, this doesn’t matter in terms of grades/attendance I suppose as this is what jobs etc will judge her on.

Does anyone have a child who struggled through school and GCSEs, but went on to do something which made them happy? I feel like a shit parent at the moment. I wish I could turn back time, get her diagnosed earlier and then have magically found some small school which would have suited her better. She is a lovely, funny, caring, bright girl who I feel has loads to offer the world and yet the school seem to think she is just a poor achieving waster.

This is long, sorry.

My DD was in y10 when Covid hit. Her MH was shaky and it fell off a cliff (anxiety & depression). She never ever throughout primary or secondary had energy for homework after school because everything was used up trying hard in the school day.

She missed all of y11 (no home ed either) but thanks to getting on meds just in time and teacher assessments she was able to sit a few assessments at home and came out with 4 x grade 3.

This qualified her for a Level 2 course at college but within a week it was clear it was all too much and we bumped her down to level 1.

She is now y13 and having done Level 1 'work based' last year she is now doing level 1 'theory based'. Her attendance is only ~75% but she is keeping up.
This is on Animal care that we knew since primary she'd want to do, just at a lower level. The plan is to stay for a 3rd year to do a Level 2 certificate 1 day a week and continue with English and Maths (unless maths is passed this year).

Since starting college she now has an EHCP and a dyslexia & dyspraxia diagnosis (private). She also gets a reader for exams as well as extra time. We should have done the dyslexia & dyspraxia assessments in KS3 or earlier but school kept reassuring me she wasn't that bad.

The EHCP has given us flexibility at college and has been worth its weight in gold.

In your shoes what would I do now?
Chat to her. Write a list of everything she struggles with. Is it 'just' the academics, or does she find aspects of the school environment overwhelming too?
Also think about where her strengths and interests are.
Go and see the SENCO to discuss.
Consider getting on list for Autism / ADHD assessment.
Consider dropping 1-3 GCSEs if workload is too much. School will be reluctant, but she clearly isn't coping and better 5 passes than she drops out completely.
Are you close enough to school that if she was on a part time timetable she could come and go as needed?
Check what exam concessions they have assessed her for.
Consider whether an EHCP is appropriate. You can apply yourself and people here will help you.
Look at prospectuses for local colleges to see what Level 1 / Level 2 courses there are she may be interested in so there is 'something' to aim for. They will probably have open days in June you could jump into.

Thank you so much Teendivided, this is really helpful. We have asked the school about dropping a couple of GCSEs but they are very reluctant (I have in fact told me daughter that it’s fine if she doesn’t do her French homework or revision, even though school won’t let her drop it - she finds this subject extremely hard, which isn’t a massive surprise!)
I will sit down with her today and have a chat with her about those points, and take the steps you mention - they are really helpful.
The waiting lists for diagnosis are over 12 months and part of me was worried that it was all too late and she was doomed because I hadn’t realised earlier. But I think better to get a diagnosis and do something about it then, then worry it’s all too late.
thank you again!

My DD2 was at a school where they didn't make you do an mfl which was lucky as she has enough trouble spelling English let alone French!
My DD1 also dropped a subject in y11 (History, she was failing it but also Eng Lang - late diagnosis dyspraxia - by dropping History we got her Eng lang up to a pass).

One thing to have prepared. If she drops a subject, where will she go / what will she do in those periods? She will need to be somewhere supervised. If your school library is permanently manned it could be that, or DD went to the detention room which she loved because it was so quiet. I provided work (ie do homework / revision or just reading / colouring to calm down).

Dropping a subject isn't an 'opening the floodgates to others' (another argument they might use), it is 'reasonable adjustment' to her MH and SEN.

I think the new style GCSEs do no favours to kids with SEN. There is just too much content.

Sorry to hear OP and absolutely there is a massive link to MH issues.

Tricky when you are in the middle of it, but my advice would be to take the long view/see the big picture - which is understanding and supporting DDs needs and preserving DDs mental health and confidence in herself. If these are further rocked by a punitive approach at school, there is potential for further spiralling down and longer lasting MH difficulties. Educational ground can always be caught up.

Your DD has many fantastic qualities but sounds as if she is in a state of emotional overwhelm which as you say may be linked to underlying conditions, so do push for support, and make clear to school that your child's difficulties with attendance are health-based. It is easy for schools to persist in seeing this situation as 'feckless teen'.

If these difficulties are long term and are significantly affecting daily life, school (and other orgs) need to make reasonable adjustments, including to attendance and admission policies.

You are very much not a shit parent, but it is a horrible place to be stuck, between the pressure placed by school worried about exam grades and attendance stats, and by the needs of a child who is not coping. It can feel tricky pre-diagnosis, but my learning was that my child needed me 100% in her corner, advocating for her, even if that meant some crunchy conversations with school.

There are good resources on the Not Fine in School website. There is a good book called How to Cope When Your Child Can't

DD sounds brilliant and I wouldn't worry about her going on to achieve her potential. It is just possibly going to involving a slightly more scenic route than some other kids. My DD had traumatic experiences at school when her health conditions were treated punitively (hence advise above - wish I had been more assertive at an earlier stage). That has left some long term challenges, however she is now winning plaudits in an interesting job, living her best life, and making me very proud.

Thank you stop the pigeon and teen divided, this is more helpful advice, and a good reminder that one of the best things I can do is be in her corner - instinctively this is what I want to do, but like you say it is the pressure from school to do a certain thing.
That is wonderful to hear about your DDs, thank you both for sharing and I feel a glimmer of hope now!

Do get on the list for diagnostic assessments, but support in schools is based on needs, not diagnosis, so support should be being provided now and a diagnosis won’t automatically result in more support. What support is the school currently providing?

I agree with Teen about why the school may be reluctant to allow DD to drop subjects. If you can present them with solutions to what will she do/where will she go/who will supervise her during that time they are more likely to agree.

I would apply for an EHCNA. On their website IPSEA have a model letter you can use. If it is refused you should appeal.

If you get to the point where it becomes clear DD is unable to attend school full time and will miss 15 days, the days don’t need to have already been missed or consecutive, the LA must provide alternative arrangements.

I'll tell you my biggest mistake.

When DD was in KS3 they did screening assessments for exam access arrangements. They sent me a letter with the results, but just words in paragraphs, no numbers. Some things were 'below average'. OK I thought, no big surprise there. Anyway, they didn't sound concerned.

It was only when going through the EHCP process that I discovered that 'below average' has a technical meaning of bottom 10%(?) not how I interpreted it of say 25-40%. If I had understood how low it was I'd have swung into action much sooner. (It also later transpired one of the scores was on the cusp of 'well below average' too).

So ask for results of screening tests, and what 'percentile' they are.

Below average is a standardised score of 84 or less which covers the bottom 15% of the population. Within that cohort some split further into low/well below average and very low. It is worth knowing the standardised scores as well as percentiles as JCQ use standardised scores for access arrangements for those with learning difficulties.

Thank you Floating for the added accuracy.
DD's underlying ability scores in the 90s.
But most of the other tests come out in the 70s, with some in the 60s.

Teen your experience shows why it is important for cognitive testing to take place and for parents to receive correct explanations. Sadly DC whose parents know the system and can advocate get better support. Parents who don’t understand the results can’t effectively advocate and we don’t know what we don’t know. That is not a criticism of you, the school should have given an explanation even if it was a generic explanation/chart.

For my 2 DC with EHCPs cognitive testing uncovered hidden needs due to spiky profiles. For example, everyone, including us, assumed DS3 had a good memory, and he does have an excellent long term memory but that was helping him to mask a very poor working memory which was contributing to some of his difficulties.

I agree Floating . Once DD was settled in college with her new EHCP I emailed in a longish letter with suggestions for improvement, and being clear on screening results was my number 1 issue.
(I used to do Process Improvement as my job ...)

I am feeling so much better now than I was this morning - thank you all for taking the time to reply. I think a big part of this is feeling blind to everything so this has been extremely helpful.

Glad we've helped.
Both my DDs were coping in school .... until they weren't.
If a school doesn't seem concerned it is hard as a parent to push, after all they're the experts.

Not me personally but one of my friends at work. Her daughter was in the same boat but experiencing very very bad bullying too. She completely stopped going and her mum was being threatened with all sorts of legal action by the school and all that crap. It was heartbreaking seeing her go through it. None of the other schools would take her either, and they looked at specialist schools but the kids there had much more complex needs than her daughter.

She started working with a tuition company, and they just worked on her maths and english so she could at least sit them, and then possibly apply for another college or vocational course thing. Long story short, she passed both her maths and english and is now at a college doing a catering course and really happy. Having done her exams and passed them gave her a lot of confidence more than anything.

If it was me, I'd try and get her to at least sit her maths and english GCSE, whether you have to spend a bit of money on getting extra help, and then that just opens up her options a bit. Most colleges are pretty understanding when kids have had issues at school in the past ime.

I teach in a (mainstream) school with a great many DC with SEN. We have 60 students with EHCP in years 7-11 alone and the number's going up every year.

I also have a 10 year old with ADHD and ASD.

It's generally not that schools don't want to help but that a) staff don't always have the right training and b) the number of DC with actual diagnoses and EHCP is so overwhelming that it's hard for just "might have needs" to get much of a look in. I can speak one to one with each member of my GCSE class for about 5 minutes a week (assuming best possible conditions).

Anyway, knowledge is power - I didn't know that about the percentiles so thanks very much; v useful.

And OP you can make a huge difference just by really listening to your DD and asking for adjustments where you can see practical things that would help. Ask the year leader. If you don't know who that is, the form tutor will.

I agree about the GCSE content.

Thanks Phineyj. I do appreciate that teachers are very limited by their resources and schools have less and less money each year. My DD has some wonderful teachers but I am only just learning that me as the parent has to research and then push for what is right for her.

It's a numbers game. The numbers of kids are large; we only have so much time.

So the squeaky wheel gets the grease (especially the polite well-informed squeaky wheel!)