Concerns over 4 year old's behaviour - what do I do?

[Worriedmotheroftwo]

Name change for this.

I could really do with some advice from someone please. I'm getting increasingly concerned about my 4 year old's behaviour and I don't know what to do.

He still has tantrums over little things and when things don't go his way. He also sometimes lashes out. He sometimes hits and pushes. Parents at his nursery have started complaining about him and the nursery want him to leave (different issue - they are being very unhelpful and not helping with advice etc).

One option is going to the GP, I know. But then what happens? He has a place at a lovely local private school in September (I figure a tiny class will be much better for him than a class or 30) and I'm worried they won't take him if any behavioural issues are on his record - how confidential is it? I also don't know how long the waiting list is...?

I would also consider going private and trying to arrange a behavioural therapist. But how do I go about finding the right one for my son? I've been googling it and just have no idea really what I'm looking for.

I could really do with some advice. Any help would be gratefully revived as I'm really worried about him. My husband thinks he's just a normal exuberant boy who's misunderstood, but I think there is a problem and I think my husband is burying his head in the sand. I really want to address my son's behaviour before it gets worse. Thanks so much.

The process once you have been referred by the GP or otherwise varies area to area. There will be a waiting list but the length varies area to area.

Is the nursery providing any SEN support? Do they have anyone who delivers emotional literacy support &/or Zones of Regulation? Have you applied for an EHCNA?

Have you spoken to the independent school? Not all are supportive of DC with SEN, especially if they display violent & challenging behaviour. Schools often speak to previous placements. Even if they don’t they are going to quickly discover DS’s difficulties so it is always best to be upfront.

When you say behavioural therapist what do you mean?

Thanks for the reply.

Have you spoken to the independent school? Not all are supportive of DC with SEN, especially if they display violent & challenging behaviour. Schools often speak to previous placements. Even if they don’t they are going to quickly discover DS’s difficulties so it is always best to be upfront. No I haven't... it's complicated because I also work there (in the senior section which is separate but also the same school - staff discount). He's already had a glowing reference and got a place confirmed. The other option is a large local state school which is huge and has loads of kids crammed into tiny classrooms.

Is the nursery providing any SEN support? Do they have anyone who delivers emotional literacy support &/or Zones of Regulation? Have you applied for an EHCNA? no - as I said in my OP, they're being really useless and just want to get rid of him. It's a private nursery. The owner has form for terminating contracts of anyone who makes a fuss about anything. It's awful really. I know I'm not going to get any help off them. They also tell me mixed things- until recently they kept saying it's very normal behaviour and he's no different to the others (even though I don't think that's true). I have no idea what you mean by Zones of Regulation or EHCNA I'm afraid.

Behaviour therapist - is this not a thing? It came up when I was googling challenging child behaviour. As you can see, I really don't know anything about this sort of thing, hence why I am asking for advice.

Behavioural therapist is often code for ABA, a therapy that most autistic adults describe as abusive and traumatic.

I think you need to speak to the independent school. It will not help DS if they aren’t aware of his needs.

An EHCNA is the needs assessment you first request before the LA decide whether to issue an EHCP or not. An EHCP is a legal document that sets out a child’s needs and the support they require to meet their needs.

Zones of Regulation supports DC to learn strategies to cope better and regulate their emotions.

Behaviour therapy such as CBT is ‘a thing’ but behaviour therapists aren’t, it would be delivered by a professional such as a clinical psychologist. Normally for DC with developmental concerns there are a range of professionals that may be involved e.g. neurodevelopmental paediatrician, psychiatrist, clinical psychologist, SALT, OT, ed psych. Not all these can diagnose and it depends on what you want from the assessment.

Explosive Child and Out of Sync Child are two books that might help. Waiting lists for help are horrendous at the moment so it's good to be able to do something yourself.

For what it's worth, I'd be open with any school about any issues. If they're competent they'll want to help. If not, best avoided.