ASD Dd y12 refusing to go back to school

[ArseInTheCoOpWindow]

And l don’t know what to do. She has struggled all year, dropped to 2 A levels, but is still struggling. Exhausted all the time, school have adjusted as much as they can, she doesn’t go to registration, but she can’t cope with all the interaction.

We’re applying for an EHCP but I’m flummoxed. She’s bright and clever but can’t cope. Is still so traumatised by Teams after lockdown so can’t use that option.

She wants to learn. The thought of going to FE college is beyond her. It seems impossible to hone educate over 16. I just don’t know what to do.

Her attendance is bad already. It’s not defiance. She’s just too overwhelmed.

You can home educate post 16, but if you are applying for an EHCNA I wouldn’t even if DD can’t attend school.

It is worth remembering if you get an EHCP it can continue until 25 or 26 in some circumstances.

@FloatingBean can you just explain that first bit again? What’s an EHCNA as opposed to an EHCp?

But it’s meant to be really difficult to do post 16?

An EHCNA is the initial needs assessment you request. The LA decide whether to assess or not. Then if the do assess they decide whether to issue an EHCP or not.

Some do home educate post 16. Some use a provider or tutor but others self study.

Sorry to hear this. Is she getting proper support for her mental health - I would prioritise that. She can retake years etc if needed. Are school taking the health issue seriously and marking as illness on the register currently? (Watch out for unlawful off-rolling round about now in Y12).

I’m a qualified teacher, but feel a bit daunted by A level. How would they do a Btech at home?!

Yes, she’s seeing CAHMS. School have been really helpful. She only has 9 periods to attend. But even that’s too much.

She can retake but l think there’s a limit without an EHCP as to how many years she can do.

A levels are easier to sit when EHEing than BTECs. The only people I know who have done BTECs have done them though a provider e.g. IT via Kandu-IT.

A levels is it really worth it? Is she on board for them? Like the teacher ? Like the subject? Is the school too big? A nice school?

Does she just want to enter the real world with a job? Apprentice?

She's done fabulous if she's got so far.

Could she take a year out? To gain mental strength? Examinations are not everything.

Mental health and happiness is worth billions.

Not sure I can advise as I've only got younger boy with issues but happiness is key otherwise it takes ages to gain strength!

Such a tricky age - hope she finds her own path good luck x

She wanted to do A level. She got good GCSE’s. But has sort of fallen apart.

She won’t work, her big problem is communication. At the moment she struggles to speak to anyone she doesn’t know.

Based on family experiences, I would just say (and it's not easy I know) accept that her path may now look a little different, but that that's absolutely OK.

If she needs to deaccelerate, take time to gather her inner resources and heal etc, she'll still be the bright person she always was and there will be a route to pick things back up, albeit possibly in a slightly different format, but there will absolutely be a way when she is feeling strong again.

The thing to avoid is feeling like above all else she has to stay on the treadmill now in order to finish education alongside her peer group. Because if this isn't realistic relative to her current state, but you try to keep going, the risk is she then fails, which may exacerbate the health issues she is currently facing. The thing that was most helpful was relatively long term work with a really skilled and compassionate clinical psychologist, who ruled out things like chronic fatigue, but it took a long time to access that help.

I hope it's Ok to mention this, but given the communications dimension, is it possible she may be neurodiverse and has been masking?

She has ASD. That’s why she won’t go. She’s exhausted with people.

We’re waiting to see a psychologist. I don’t think she has chronic fatigue. I think she’s got autistic burnout.

I’m not bothered about her finishing at the same time as her peers. I’m bothered about the cost of trying to fund home learning.

Understood.

Excellent post! I agree 100%.

When you have a young person who cannot (or does not want to) do the same things at the same age as "everyone else", the key is accepting that this is okay. People take different paths through life.

IMO the main challenge faced by such young people is not the practical questions about what to do and how to do it. Sure, those questions are important and can be tricky. But the main challenge is getting through the next few years without feeling like a failure.

No doubt you can come up with many examples among your own family and acquaintances of people who did not do the expected exams at 16 followed immediately by college, then qualifications at 18/19, then on to uni or job. Many of them will have had happy successful lives. Can you ask some of these people to offer reassurance to your daughter directly, or can you pass some of their stories on to her? That might help her see that there's hope for her. She's young. Her situation is no catastrophe.

In the short term, what is she good at, what does she enjoy? Can you help her to do more of those things in order to relax and boost her self-esteem? Maybe she could spend more time with a young cousin who looks up to her, or visit a grandparent who likes to teach her practical skills, or work on an art project, or improve a foreign language online, or volunteer to create a website and social media presence for a local charity.

Have you applied for an EHCNA yet? If the LA agree to assess the needs assessment can include OT, SALT, psychiatrist &/or clinical psychologist assessments without the need to sit on the normal waiting lists. And if an EHCP is issued it can fund provision at home and ongoing therapies .

If money is an issue and you receive CB &/or tax credits/UC think carefully as home education has to begin prior to 16 or there be an EHCP for it to continue when home educating.

Can we still apply for an EHCP if she’s at home?

We’re thinking of seeing if she can carry on one A level at school ( which is practical and has a high coursework content’ and hone educating her in others when she’s ready.

She’s very artistic and that’s the one l think she should carry in. She gets lots of special considerations and a private room at exam time. Is that available still to home Ed?😭

To do an online art diploma ( equiv to 2 A levels) is 4k

It's a real challenge. As you may be aware, it isn't just the direct costs - which aren't necessarily huge - but if you receive any benefits which are linked to your daughter continuing in education, those will also end now. Child Benefit for example, and the young person element of Tax Credits. If she had been previously home educated then you could continue claiming, but the benefits system doesn't accommodate young people starting home ed post-16.

There are a few possible ways to continue a claim in the short term. For example, if the young person has an interruption to their education due to illness or disability: https://www.gov.uk/hmrc-internal-manuals/child-benefit-technical-manual/cbtm07050 or you can get a 20-week extension if she registers for the Careers Service within three months of leaving education (I don't think she has to actually DO anything, just be registered).

We don’t get CB. Dh earns just above the threshold.

Yes, you can apply for an EHCP while not in an educational setting.

I just think she needs a long time to sit and chill. But it’s the cost. And even though she’s ASD, she’s quite friendly and needs some social contact.

But at the moment she feels overwhelmed by it all and doesn’t want to be with or speak to anyone.

I’m a qualified secondary teacher in the practical subject she wants to carry on. But l don’t think l can vouch for her coursework. Not that she’s doing anything. She’s too stressed.

I would apply for an EHCNA ASAP.

You can still apply for an EHCNA if you deregister. However, personally, I wouldn’t deregister. Parents often find it easier (although not easy) to get support when their DC remains on the school’s roll even if they can’t attend. Crudely, you are someone’s ‘problem’ whereas it is easier for others to sweep DC’s needs under the carpet if you deregister.

Exam access arrangements are still possible, but you would need to find a centre.