Question for parents dealing with challenging or violent behaviour (older kids)

[stopthepigeon]

Just a question as to your experience of seeking professional help to deal with challenging behaviour?

To what extent has this been understood as part of DC's condition? Have you been offered any useful help?

We did an NVR (non violent resistance) course and I participated in a study an academic was doing for her PhD at Durham University. Neither of these were "offered" - we weren't offered anything at all. I had to do a lot of my own research. Both were really helpful, the NVR for giving us tools and the study for validating that it's normal to feel really awful when your child is being violent to you.

Generally, practical help with violent DC behaviour seems to be hard to get. There's a taboo around discussing it. It turned out that actually there is some help through the LA in our area but it was all shut in 2020 to 2021 when we needed it.

But yes I'd say from my experience it is an obvious sign DC's needs aren't being met and that is more likely to occur with neuroversity.

Thanks @Phineyj. Feel like I am just coming out of several years of sheer hell during which we were dismissed by multiple agencies until we finally got assessments, and them multiple diagnoses, and finally access to more skilled people. An awful lot of damage gets done to health and relationships in the meantime. (And there have been some heart-breaking posts this week elsewhere on MN evidencing the toll taken on mothers, the stigma and lack of understanding, and the lack of appropriate professional support (eg. tailored and delivered without parent blame).

Like you I ended up doing a fair bit of research to try and make sense of this.

Well, I hope that was the turning point for you and things will gradually get better.

It's definitely very helpful to know this has happened to other people.

I found friends would sympathise but when you revealed any details they would kind of back away! A lot of people think they have "been there" but they haven't actually experienced the more extreme end of behaviour...