How to get school to help ASD DD in year 4 who masks

[Jellyjunction]

My DD has an ASD diagnosis (made 1.5 years ago).

She has emotional and social difficulties but is extremely rule following and the model pupil in her school. She also has sensory issues and friendship issues. Her IQ is extremely high on the EP tests we had done as part of her ASD assessment.

The school say she doesn't need to be on their SEN register as she is performing above expectations. But she finds school hugely stressful, has meltdowns at home after school, often asks not to go to school and doing any homework is a huge combined effort with meltdowns. At home she needs to be in control all the time and it's like walking on eggshells.

What do we do?

School have put her into ELSA classes but that's all.

For secondary I think it will get much worse and our catchment school has a poor SEND reputation. We'd need an EHCP to get her into a school with more Send support.

Should we be looking to do an EHCNA and if so what kind of provisions can school actually do for a kid who masks all the time. Last year her teacher allowed her to take time out breaks with a special signal but my DD never used it as she's so obsessed with doing the rules and not being different.

I'd love any advice from anyone about SEND in kids performing at the top of their class but still struggling hugely.

Thanks!

Remind the school SEN includes far more than academic ability and they must make their best endeavours to meet a pupil’s SEN. Escalate the issue to the HT and then governors if necessary.

You can apply for an EHCNA yourself even if the school aren’t supportive. Provision in EHCPs is based on individual needs but could include therapies such as OT (including sensory OT), SALT and MH therapies, ELSA, social skills support. Some find using a laptop and assistive technology helps ease anxiety. If DD needs support to have a timeout/movement break the teacher could support DD to do that &/or engineer one by asking her to e.g. take something to the office.

Hi Jellyjunction
Your DD sounds v similar to my son in Year 4 too and we are also fearing secondary transitional my son wouldn't survive long in secondary mainstream. Masks fairly well at school too though cracks are starting to show and likewise very emotional and highly strung at home. Homework is a huge stressor for us too. We are going through the EHCNA process ourselves (with the help of a mediation firm) as school is unsupportive as he's meeting academic targets and is resistant to their interventions as hates being singled out as different from his peers. I would recommend you doing so too esp if SEN support is poor in your LA. It's a long process and prepare for a battle so now is the right time to start, we feel we have no choice. Best of luck.

Thanks so much for your suggestions.

@Pheath which mediation company did you use and what made you decide to use one? I've not really heard of mediation companies for this purpose, is it like am autism charity thing or from a solicitor background?

I think you're right and it's the right time for us to be focusing on it in year 4.

@FloatingBean your suggestions for support sound helpful for sure. I like the idea of the engineered break.

It's so hard to help my daughter as she really hates talking about things and won't discuss what she finds easy or hard about school. Occasionally she will manage to work up to mentioning something that's happened that really upset her but it takes a huge effort for her to share things.

I will set up a meeting with the Senco to discuss it all.

What should I try and get out of the meeting? I've heard about needing to go through 3 plan do act cycles before school will support am EHCP. So I guess getting them to put a PDA cycle in place??

Any other tips??

It is a myth you need 3 assess, plan, do, review cycles for an EHCP. Don’t listen to anyone who tells you otherwise. The only threshold you need to focus on first is for an an EHCNA, and that is relatively low - a) has or may have SEN, and b) may need SEN provision to be made via an EHCP.

Mediation (e.g. Global Mediation) is part of the process of appealing e.g. a refusal to assess, refusal to issue or content. If you find yourself in this situation you should just get the mediation certificate and submit to SENDIST. LAs often use mediation as a delaying tactic. If they are going to concede they will do so whether actively partake in mediation or just get the certificate.

If you think about it DD is 8/9 years old and it is often said those with ASD are in many areas developmentally around 2/3rds of their chronological age. You wouldn’t expect a 6 year old to recognise when they needed a break, actually take themselves of for said break, self regulate and then rejoin their class all completely independently. DD needs support to learn the strategies to self regulate independently and the school should be supporting that. Engineered breaks work well with DC who are reluctant to take breaks &/or don’t recognise they need one.

Does the school have anyone that can support Zones of Regulation?

DD not being able to communicate her needs is quite common. Or she may not actually know what specifically she is struggling with. SALT and OT assessments will help. A less direct MH therapy might too e.g. animal assisted therapy or art therapy as they focus less on verbal communication.

I can ask about the Zones of Regulation in our meeting. Having looked it up, I have a feeling my daughter would not engage in it at all - she hates being asked anything to do with feelings. You're right about her being developmentally behind with self regulation skills.

I spoke to the school headteacher and I've set up a meeting for after Easter. The headteacher reiterated that there's nothing they think they can do differently as she seems "fine" in school.

At home it's so hard work - I feel emotionally exhausted every day from the meltdowns and her need to be in control of everything.

Jelly, my son's teacher is trying to make the strategies she offers to my son avail to the whole class so he doesn't feel singled out eg. fiddle toys. It's very hard when they clam up about their feelings at school yet lash out at home. We also bear the brunt of it and it really depletes us and feels like walking on egg shells sometimes.
There's a good book I read recently called
How to raise a happy autistic child by Jessie Hewitson that's well worth a read.
Regardless of what school says you can still start your own EHCNA application and OP is correct, the 3 cycles is a complete myth, nowhere in SEN law is that written.

Don’t rule Zones of Regulation out, it can work at all levels. Initially many DC can’t engage at all but with the right input over time it does help, it isn’t all about questioning and verbal communication either. DS1 was 5 when he first started, he is now a teen and it is slow progress but it is progress.

The headteacher reiterated that there's nothing they think they can do differently as she seems "fine" in school.

I suspect DD is anything but ‘fine’ at school. The school are either not noticing signs or choosing not to notice. There absolutely is more they can do. The coke bottle effect isn’t uncommon, it is a sign of unmet needs at school. If school was easier for DD home life would improve for you all.