Dyspraxia - give up on learning to tie laces?

[MyBloodyBrother]

Ds10 has dyspraxia and is still completely unable to tie his shoelaces. He’s had shoes with laces for 3 years now and I set aside 10 minutes every morning before school for him to tie his laces. I sit down with him and we try and do it together. After school I give him 5 minutes to attempt to untie them on his own before I help him.

He is not getting any closer at all towards being able to do it. He knows what he has to do but he is unable to get his hands to do it. When untying them he simply cannot work out which lace goes where so doesn’t know which bit to loosen and very often ends up knitting them further to the point they are impossible to untie. I was really hoping he’d have it cracked by now as he’s starting at a grammar school in September and I don’t want him to have to worry about it.

I’m considering giving up and putting in elasticated laces with one of those slider clips that you can get. I’ve already put those on his trainers and he can easily do that himself. Any suggestions? It’s starting to get us both pretty frustrated but it also feels like one of those things he has to be able to do in life.

Why though? Who cares. Suppose he spends his life never using laces. Does it actually matter?

Because men’s smart shoes all have laces. That’s why I’ve persevered so long. He needs to wear black leather shoes with laces for secondary in September. I can get him the elasticky ones with a slider clip but he likes them done up super tight which is a struggle with those laces and it’s pretty obvious that they’re not tied. I don’t want him to feel self conscious and it seems like a fairly basic life skill. Fortunately his school has worn ties since reception year and l, although it took a couple of years, he has now cracked tying a tie.

DS10 has DCD and we had practised and practised tying laces. It became a source of great frustration and were happily settled on bungee laces.
On Friday, we had an hour consultation with an NHS OT. Laces was one of the issues we raised. She miraculously had him successfully tying his laces within fifteen minutes. Fair enough, it was an unconventional method, but it worked, and he's since used it, with just a little guidance on a pair of long forgotten about lace up trainers.
It might be worth speaking to an OT about it, to see if they can help.
Now we just have to tackle neckties and cutlery!

Don't worry do what's right for you and your child. My son's now an adult and just can't do his laces due to a multitude of additional needs.he has velcros shoes or laces like you suggested.

My dyspraxic child learnt to tie laces through OT programme. We didn't even put him in shoes with laces until he could do it. It was very small steps eg even starting with just crossing two laces over until he could do that. Took us best part of a year!

Of course not all men's smart shoes have laces. I agree with getting an OT involved and if by nearing secondary school time he can't tie laces then get him shoes without laces and inform the school that it's due to his SEN. Daniel Radcliffe can't tie his laces due to dyspraxia but seems to have managed in life - it might be a basic skill for NT people but it's not if you have dyspraxia and it's really not a big deal. There are leather Next and Clarks shoes that don't have laces for teens.
https://www.oliversweeney.com/products/stella-black-formal-leather-shoes?variant=40065586757824&currency=GBP&utm_medium=product_sync&utm_source=google&utm_content=sag_organic&utm_campaign=sag_organic?glCountry=GB&glCurrency=GBP&gclid=Cj0KCQjw8e-gBhD0ARIsAJiDsaWU0w4UILJaoKJOzXSi-YxcDQvkx8XVT85zKGBpBv_jRuGMrmdLGT8aAp0iEALw_wcB

Okay well I’m the last person you want to hear from. Son 37 has never and will never tie shoelaces and I think I know every kind of alternative but sadly the worst for him is a slip on shoe as it has none of the support needed for someone with coordination problems. Nothing I don’t know about this condition including everyone with it is unique.

Both my DC have dyspraxia.
Both can in theory tie laces but in practice find it hard to tie them tight enough.
Velcro shoes or Elastic laces are the way to go, (though DD2 can't get them tight enough for her steel capped work boots, so still needs laces for them (which I do for speed)).

There are so many skills to practice that you can't do all of them, you need to prioritise the most important.