Mental health issues with son - feel very lost

[ALittleBitStuck]

Not really wanting advice. Have posted before under different name but want to have this anon. Just really lost and feel out of control with son. Has social communication disorder and have always suspected ASD as did the paed. Referred once at secondary, during lockdown (disastrous for him as for many). Now 18m into two year CAMHS waiting list. Obviously depressed, only managing about 50% school attendance. School have put in support for all his unmet needs. He has sen support, loads of get out of jail free cards, counsellor etc . It is a grammar school but they are being careful not to pile on pressure with him but it isn't that the work is hard - just doesn't do it as he isn't attending. He says it isn't school which is problem. He can't get up in the morning. He has stomach issues. Today he is just being aggressive (verbal) and refusing. When in a good mood he is lovely and affectionate. We've done online course for parents aimed at those on waiting list. He has done online anxiety workshop (useless). He is now signed up on an online stress course via the local council family support team. CAMHS won't add him the the mental health pathway as he is on the ND one and say that will be quicker. Feel we have tried everything and just so out of control. He is year 10 and I feel like he is screwing up his GCSEs (obviously not as important as his mental health but still a worry). He is able and would pass them fine if he just went to school. Even on a good day I spend about 90mins waking him up and persuading him to go him to school (hugs, ultimatums, cooked breakfast, lugging his body up to sitting etc etc) Sorry...rambling but stuck in house with him and a noisy plumber and just want to cry.

Sorry should say he had seen GP about stomach. Has a prescription in case it is IBS but refuses to take medicines or even imodium. Probably anxiety related.

I know you said you didn’t want advice so feel free to ignore.

Are you receiving any support?

Has an EHCP been applied for?

As DS can’t attend school full time the LA should be providing alternative education.

Have you had social care assessments? A carer’s assessment for you and an assessment via the disabled children’s team for DS.

Thanks. He doesn't have an EHCP but a support plan at school (LSA for most lessons, extra time, skips the lunch queue, card to leave class, does stressful classes on his iPad in the SEN room, counselling etc). So we never needed a plan to force school support as they already are. He should get to top of CAMHS list in the summer and I was waiting on that before it all went downhill after Christmas. I think even if the council or whoever are obliged to provide education, if he is under his duvet, mute and not engaging then he won't do it. He just lies there sleeping and being sad. When he goes to school he is fine and engaged and accepts help. Don't mind advice - was more meaning that I wasn't asking and was more just venting.

You need to apply for an EHCNA. IPSEA have a model letter you can use.

An EHCP can provide so much more than SEN support at a school level. For example, therapies DC wouldn’t otherwise receive or more frequently/for longer without the need to sit on the normal waiting lists.

It is more likely can’t engage rather than won’t engage and the support needs adapting so DS gets to a point where he can engage. Medical needs provision must be in whatever format the pupil can engage with. If DS can’t engage with direct tuition the LA must provide something DS can engage with. There are endless possibilities on what this could be. And an EHCP can provide even more.

Thanks that is very helpful and not something anyone has mentioned yet so gad I posted. I'd always just associated EHCP with getting school SEN support.

As well as MH therapies EHCPs can include OT and SALT which would help DS.

He got referred for SALT and rejected unfortunately. Only referral he has open is the CAMHS one for ASD. Maybe I should try SALT again.

An EHCNA can include SALT and OT assessments even if DS doesn’t meet the normal referral criteria. This is without the need to sit on the normal waiting lists.

Then an EHCP itself can include ongoing SALT and OT input. Again, without the need to sit on waiting lists and even if DS wouldn’t normally be eligible.