Pinning DS down

[PourPatrol]

DS isn't diagonised but he is on the ASD pathway- recommended by nursery

He has sensory issues. Never let me wash or cut his hair. Takes all his clothes off. Paints himself. Smears food.

DH insists we pin him down to brush and cut his hair. DS goes crazy. DH argues my approach of social stories and gentle etc hasn't worked and our kid has long out of control hair.

I think pinning him down is wrong and undermines his trust in us. DH thinks DS needs to learn to get used to it and that will only happen if we force the issue.

Having major relationship issues and that's a bigger issue. I just wanted others views on the pinning thing.

The only time we pinned ASD DS down was to get essential antibiotics into him as a toddler. We made a game out of absolutely everything in order to get as much as a sock on sometimes. No way would I pin him down to have a haircut!

I think there’s a time and a place for restraint. For example, where necessary, we restrain for things that are necessary e.g. medical procedures, giving medication, to keep DS safe, brushing teeth (for medical reasons DS1 has poor teeth and without good care he would require even more medical intervention so holding for teeth brushing is the lesser of the 2 evils). But I don’t think a haircut falls into that category.

Have you tried a hairdresser who specialises in DC with additional needs?

Has DS had an OT assessment?

I have such guilt about his teeth. We brush them twice a day but I know it's not good enough - he never lets me get anywhere near his back teeth and just wants to brush his tongue really hard with the brush.

If i hold him it will end up in having to pin him on the floor because he won't accept gentle restraint. He just runs away

I tried specialist hair dressers for kids where you pay for extra long session for kids who struggle but no good - he bolted and attacked people

What is OT assessment?

You don’t need to pin DS to the floor to restrain him/prevent him running away. It might be a 2 person job, at least until you are comfortable in how to hold DS. You could see if you can get a restraint course funded - for the times it is necessary I hasten to add, not for a haircut!

Is DS under the special care community dental team?

An OT assessment is an occupational health assessment. It can look at sensory needs.

To clarify, by a 2 person job I don’t mean 2 people restraining DS, I mean one restraining, 1 brushing teeth/doing other necessary tasks.

That's very helpful. Thank you both.

I will try to stand my ground about not pinning or restraining for hair issues.

He is on waiting list for ASD diagnosis. The nursery are getting support from local authority who also say to apply for transitional funding for his start at school in Sep. Nursery were supportive of applying for EHCP but LA told me to wait until he starts school. SALT involved too. I didn't know occupational health was for kids, I thought that was for people at work. I'll research it. And for special care dentists too.

Apologies, I meant occupational therapy. Not occupational health. OT can look at sensory needs, independence skills and also on keeping DS safe.

Don’t wait to apply for an EHCNA. Do it now. The LA often try to put parents off.

This is something we find really hard and there isn’t much information out there for parents on safe restraint. You could try contacting Team Teach and see what they can offer. We were advised (not by TT) to try bear hugs/duvet hugs and that has worked a bit.

I wouldn’t restrain for things like brushing hair. Have you tried either a home hairdresser (with tv on if that would help) or using clippers at home yourself, a little bit at a time? If you can get his hair shorter it’s easier to avoid daily fights about brushing.

I saw your other thread and what you said about your DH being angry and rough. I would be very concerned about him restraining like this or treating it as a punishment- that’s not safe and it’s cruel. I know you’re aware so won’t say any more but hope you can find a resolution. Good luck getting the support you need- sounds as if you are making progress so well done for that.

Thanks @Susy997 I wouldn't say it is in anger. Though he certainly can get angry. Mostly at me telling him to back off DS.

With the hair he thinks "DS has to learn to operate in the real world and if he doesn't like his hair being touched he's got to realise he's the kid and he needs clean hair"

I don't really agree with this approach. But also I know that DS hates baths, hair washes, teeth brushes, wiping his bum! So if we weren't a bit tough with him he would be unclean.

My son is exactly the same and I try not to hold him for hair brushing or non-medical things either. I do hold him down to brush his teeth because I can't imagine trying to hold him down whilst a dentist fills a cavity, etc.

I found a video on youtube where a dentist lies her child down and loops her legs over their arms - which seems to work. When my son gets upset, I say calmly that: "it is my job to keep you safe and that includes your teeth. I am not trying to hurt you - I am trying to keep you safe from having tooth pain." He usually calms down whilst I say this and sometimes seems happy by the end. I always give him the choice to brush his teeth first and then give him to the count of three to do it. If he doesn't then he can choose if he wants me or his father to do it - so he still has a bit of control and choice.

How much understanding does your ds have? With mine (who I didn't know had ASD at the time) I would say 'I can't clean your teeth while your fighting me, I'm going to sit here and wait for you to be ready for me to do your teeth. After that we can play a game/have a story'. Then I'd sit against the door and just wait. He got bored pretty quick and would agree to me doing his teeth and be fine.

You could also try having a really special toy of game he only gets while/after doing his teeth/hair.

A really good OT can be a godsend!