ADHD. We're all over the place

[ChesterCheetah]

DD12 has had something of a breakdown since starting secondary school, and we're waiting for a private ADHD assessment. Met with CAHMS and Ed Psych last week who all agreed she most likely has it, or at least exhibits the behaviours so will work with her as if she had a diagnosis.

Behaviours are self-harm, being almost unable to sit in her classes, says she can't focus, is anxious sometimes panicky, probably depressed. Twice in the last two weeks she has sneaked out of the house because she was thinking about suicide.

I am struggling so much. As is DH. We've got all of the medications and knives hidden. Razors are hidden, pencil sharpeners are hidden. Doors are locked and keys hidden. It's so difficult to live like this, it feels like we're all in prison.

She is supposed to try school tmrw (and they are being really supportive of what she needs) but as the day wears on I think we're all getting more anxious. I just can't see her managing. She went last Monday and cut her wrist with a sharpener.

How the fuck are we supposed to live like this? Life suddenly feels full of danger and chaos. We are struggling to manage really. She's away in the shower now and I'm scared, for example.

Please, someone tell me how to do this. I'm working so hard to fill her up with confidence and show her how much support she has from people at home and school, but realistically I'm seconds away from tears at every moment.

Everything feels so fragile, all the time. The ADHD assessment is still five weeks away and I can't even look that far ahead.

Please, any advice you have, please share.

It is very difficult. We spent a long time providing within arms reach care for DS1. He needs less intense support now, but, like you, we still have everything that can be used to hurt himself locked away. We coped and still cope by ensuring DS has all the support possible as it does make life easier.

Have you had a home OT assessment? This can look at making the house safer, this can include looking at preventing DD being able to sneak out.

An OT assessment can also look at equipping DD with other ways of self regulation and managing emotions. SALT would help too.

Have you had social care assessments? A carer’s assessment for you and an assessment via the disabled children’s team for DD.

What support is the school providing? Have you applied for an EHCNA? If DD can’t attend school the LA must provide alternative education which should begin once it becomes clear DD will miss 15 days - the days don’t need to have already been missed or consecutive.

Apply for DLA if you haven’t already.

Scope offer mentoring to DC undergoing assessment.


Also counselling for you may help.

God I just feel so overwhelmed with all of the info. Thanks for answering, I will process it all. Hoping to attempt school tomorrow, but it's terrifying to let her go.

Apologies, I didn’t mean to overwhelm you. I find making a list helps, then tick them off one at a time. Don't expect to be able to do everything in one go.

Oh no, please don't apologise. I'm just having a bad day and feeling like we're at the start of an ever-worsening journey. I hope I'm wrong and terribly optimistic but 🤷🏻‍♀️

Oh FGS pessimistic 😁

Can you explain to the private clinic that she's at risk and request them kindly move the appointment to a closer date?

Can't imagine how you can live through a day with this level of worry. You've been doing whatever you could and have already put lots of protection in place.

Do you think there might be other factors other than ADHD complicating her mental health?