Help to process ADHD diagnosis

[Ifitsmeanttobe]

Ds 11 recently got an adhd diagnosis and he doesn’t seem to be dealing with it well. He is also potentially have ASD but at the minute we are all so overwhelmed by the one diagnosis that we can’t even begin to think we might have to consider something else.
he says he is now gets special treatment at school as it told to do his work outside class if he is overwhelmed. we have got books we are reading together and also workbook to try and work on things but it’s not going to be an overnight thing.
i hear about so many stories when people finally get their diagnosis that they suspected for. a. while it’s a bit of a victory but i don’t feel how this is going to benefit us at the minute
Any advice is appreciated

Is he medicated? That can help a LOT with the mental well-being of health of the child. Is the meds helping him? Right dose / right meds?

Sorry but I feel once you have one diagnosis you prob have several ..... like ASD and adhd go hand in hand. Then the anxiety (gad) from the ASD. Plus then you have the sensory side - noise / people (SPD) and then hyper mobility.... so writing is difficult. However, once you do have your diagnosis you will learn how to adapt things to make it easier for the child or be allowed to use a laptop at school etc....

Hope the senco is helping? Is he on the sen register or does he need an EHCP? If it's the latter you can apply as parents.

Hope he's ok - any other friends with adhd that he can chat to? Or even a therapist to help .....

thank you for your message. he is a very complex personality. has always been very high achiever lots of friends but cracks have recently shown in his ability to work without being overwhelmed.l think he feels that his vulnerability has been discovered and he is no longer. able to keep up with the image he’s always kept.
we have decided on no medications to start with but re visit it in 6 month time and his teacher said medications would probably not help with impulsiveness but mainly with focusing which he has been able to do but maybe have to re. think it.
therapy has a long waiting list so i’m going to have to try and get a referral through gp so we can go private.
i don’t know if it’s hormones but he has got so much worse the last 3 months. he constantly falls out with us when he doesn’t get his way but were always able to have a chat with him afterwards.
Last night for the first time we were not even able to talk about an incident as he became so angry and defensive that i’d had to leave it.

Oooo it's really tricky.

Honestly I wouldn't trust a teacher generally they know sod all about adhd (they couldn't believe my boy had it but it's so obvious now) equally I didn't initially want to medicate as I didn't want him like a tik - tak with loads of meds. But honestly it's helped him so much. Even if you only medicate only on school days - or trial it for a week or 2 and if it doesn't work you can always stop it at least you know - he might find life is easier with meds.

Also, consider if you or dad has adhd / ASD - all flows down through generations.

Keeping up the image - takes a lot of effort and pressure - maybe the older he has got the more work pressure / concepts getting harder so the effort to keep on top is tricky. ASD and perfectionism is a hard one to crack or the spoon theory.

I'd defo be pushing that senco ..... things move slow and when #### hits the fan things go wrong quickly. Then they get down beat and depressed - hard to pick them back up. So being able to adjust things and help b4 and develop coping strategies for your boy will help massively. Or trying to work out things to make his life easier at school.

Also, you might be allowed extra time in exams / laptops etc.

Never under estimate the school environment and people and NICE caring teachers are a massive thing - to really improve the mental health of the child .... so maybe he could chat to a nice teacher at school - for some bonding time. Equally if he's got a horrible cold teacher that he doesn't like that can make things a billion percent worse .... hopefully he's got a few nice teachers!

Rather than talking - my boys likes to write to me when he's upset / really angry (once he has calmed down) - it's more a informal way to communicate as he hates to have a direct conversation .... so maybe you could leave a note pad and see if writing helps .... who knows - just a suggestion

Suppose hormones are going crazy too.

Good luck

Scope offer mentoring for parents of DC recently diagnosed.

What other support is the school providing?

Some find Yvonne Newbold’s resources and Ross Greene’s book The Explosive Child helpful.

The right medication can help with impulsiveness.

If you haven’t already applied consider applying for DLA.

Hi @Ifitsmeanttobe. We're just about to launch an app, which, from what you've described, might be able to help DS. It uses a framework called the zones of regulation and takes kids through exercises to get them back into a calmer frame of mind. We try to get kids to build these exercises into their daily routines, so that they're exercising their mental wellbeing a bit like you would a muscle. Would be happy to chat more about it if you're interested and also not quite ready for DS to move onto medication.

thank you. we had. the diagnosis a week ago and already had to see school twice as it seems he has completely lost it and just keeps getting into trouble, rude, hits people.
School is being great about it(surprised he hasn’t been kicked out)
i just don’t know how to get through today. we are reading a book (boy with a butterfly mind) and he says he can recognise himself in it.
We need to find some quick fix as i don’t know whht next week will bring 😞

Is he year 6 or year 7? Does the school have an ELSA? My DD is younger but she's finding check-ins with her helpful.

If you are at the point where you think DS is at risk of permanent exclusion you should apply for an EHCNA.

things have never been this bad before. this last year he had the odd incident but nothing as bad as what we are going through since the diagnosis. i just don’t know if this is the adhd or him feeling out of control and labelled whereas before he was always one of the top students thriving at everything. don’t know how to help him…

it’s almost a bit like ‘my secret is out and people know i’m not perfect i don’t know how to carry on’

Or it’s “people now know there’s a reason I am like I am and I don’t have to mask anymore/so much”.

Or, as with many ND DC, as they get older it is much harder to mask &/or puberty/approaching puberty can complicate difficulties.

yes that’s a possibility the only thing i find so frustrating is how he comes across. He’s aggressive and goes against anything we say or ask him for example today we agreed he can get a drink but only a water as he not long had a hot chocolate. he took the card with him to pay for it but came back with a bottle of fizzy juice. he would have not done things like this a few weeks ago. i know it’s not a huge thing but if we had taken it off him and said we were taking it back, he would have kicked off big time. it’s hard to see where he is struggling when he is so disobedient.
he has other siblings and we have clear rules and expectations so it’s not even like there is no consistency.

Medication absolutely does help with impulsiveness! That was the main reason it was recommended for my DD. CAMHS have helped us a lot with anxiety, emotional dysregulation, unhealthy thinking traps etc. The combination of medication and CBT has made such a huge difference. I think the anger and aggression we see is actually terrible anxiety. We also found a workbook for children on the ADHD Foundation website that actually taught her what the diagnosis meant.

thank you for this. i am just baffled as to how we got here within a space of a few weeks. i feel it would be premature putting him on the meds when a couple of month ago he was functioning well. Since the diagnosis it seems like he has. give up on life. i feel he needs some counselling asap but i know nhs has a very long waiting list.
we have private insurance but they will only help based on feelings such as low mood etc but not if it’s result of adhd so feel a bit stuck as to where to go

It is highly likely there were signs DS wasn’t OK a few months ago. It is not uncommon for DC to hit a crisis point and fall apart very quickly.

thank you @JustKeepBuilding i need some resources to familiar myself with preteeen mental health and Adhd. any recommendations?

I would start by reading ADDitude’s website.

After that I would then focus on reading IPSEA and SOSSEN’s websites and the SENCOP for education support.

Also Yvonne Newbold’s resources and Ross Greene’s book The Explosive Child.

Thanks great thanks very much their Facebook site is very interesting

Oppositional defiance disorder has a high correlation with ADHD. Most ADHD children don't have ODD but almost ODD children have ADHD. I have no idea if ODD is at the root of your DS's current acting out, but I only mention it because you might want to read up on the subject, if only to help rule it out.

I hear you on the not wanting medication. When I learned that my son might have ADHD, the first words out of my mouth were that I was not going to drug my child. I have since learned that, about 15 years ago, medication was generally used as a "last resort" for ADHD after all other therapies were tried. But now, Dr's generally consider it as the first treatment because it is so effective and works well for a majority of the ADHD patients who try it.

Dr. Russell Barkley is pretty much the top ADHD researcher/ speaker in the world; he tends to talk about worst case scenarios so some people find him too disheartening but he has terrific information and has heaps of YouTube videos and books. Ned Hallowell is an MD who has ADHD, himself, and is another source that many parents of ADHD children love.

Sending you best wishes.

thank you. he might well be on the spectrum for ODD as we have always said he has an issue with authority and he always wants to be a top dog wherever he is whatever it takes although i appreciate these could be traits of adhd, asd and a lot more. Our current challange is getting him on board for the secondary we feel is best for him but without him thinking we are putting any kind of pressure on him. i feel more open trialling medication as home life is becoming more and more challenging. While dh has. accepted adhd, he is still unsure weather being so difficult and overexcited is not a chosen behaviour hence he doesn’t agree with meditation

*medication not meditation