Dealing with ALL the phone calls

[mondaycando1]

I am exhausted, I've been here before and it was a bad place for me - am after strategies to help me deal with ds13 and ds11 who both have "persistent disruptive behaviour" at school.

Ds13 now has an ADHD diagnosis - he's y8, the primary were hopeless and just labelled him a trouble maker so we never met the local assessment threshold bit his secondary have been sh*t hot and got us through it, the final assessor at CAMHS couldn't believe we'd not got there before. He has regular detentions / behaviour points as his IBP just isn't working and he really needs medication. I've spent hours the last couple of weeks dealing with calls, admin, reading up etc about him. We're reviewing his IBP this week.

DS11 has a worse track record - many exclusions as well as at least weekly detentions and daily behaviour reports. He 99.9% has some learning difficulties that the same primary batted away as persistent disruptive behaviour, we've had a bit of a honeymoon as he started at high school (diff school to his brother) but its all falling apart thr last 4-6 weeks, I'm trying to engage with the SENCO to no avail (he has had various assessments and CAMHS repprts / recommendations over the years but no diagnosis) and the HoY is just focusing on the behaviour.

Today I've spent 2 hours on calls and emails about both of them, I am exhausted, can someone just swap my kids for normal kids, I know I should be their best advocate but I am exhausted. Its not just dealing with reactive things, it's the dread and anticipation EVERY day knowing I'm bound to get a call about one of them.

Oops that was long. Anyone have any coping strategies please.

I cope by ensuring there’s as much support as possible as that makes life easier in the long run. Also, making time for you, even if it is e.g. a slice of cake, a short walk - you can’t help DC if you don’t look after yourself.

Do DC’s have EHCPs?
Have you had social care assessments - a carer’s assessment for you and an assessments via the disabled children’s team for DSs?
Do you get DLA for them?

Are all the emailing formal?

Some parents find counselling helps.

@JustKeepBuilding thank you for your reply!

Neither boy has an EHCP, nor have we had any other assessments nor DLA, I've certainly never considered the latter 2.

Perhaps counselling for me might help me come to terms with their issues. Not that I know what they all are, especially for son#2. Of course he could just be an annoying, insolent child with no ND at all and I am a rubbish parent!

I did find the phone calls eased as school put in more support (though helps if school are supportive), but remember that dread well and still feel the impending doom when I see the school's phone number flash up on incoming calls.
Do you have a partner? I found sharing the load helps, even if it's just to talk about it (my DH works full time so can't do that much chasing).

You are not a rubbish parent. You wouldn’t have spent 2 hours chasing professionals if you were.

I think you need to make yourself a list (I find making a list helps). If I was you mine would be:
-apply for EHCNA for both DSs - use the model letter on IPSEA’s website.
-apply for DLA for both - use the Cerebra guide to complete the forms.
-apply for a carer’s assessment for you - use this letter.
-apply for an assessment by the disabled children’s team for DSs - use the letter linked to on this page.
-ask both SENCOs for a meeting. If they ignore escalate to the member of SLT with responsibility for SEN or the HT.
-contact PALS for help if you aren’t getting anywhere with medication for DS1.
-counselling.

Obviously this isn’t a list anyone would be able to do all in one go immediately, but to work through as you feel able to.