PLEASE HELP!! Searching for a special needs (ideally autistic) friendly secondary school ideally in or within 45 minutes drive of South London but happy to move for the right school

[AlBG]

I am desperately trying to find a suitable (or as near suitable as is realistic!) secondary for my autistic son (also ADHD and potentially dyslexic) who’s currently in year 5. Also, happy to move him now to a school that goes all the way through.
He is currently in a big mainstream London primary and has an EHCP providing one on one support. The one-on-one support is gradually being phased out with the hope that he won’t need it for secondary e.g. his TA will further explain the question being asked of the class, checked he has understood what he needs to do and then leaves him to it. He needs prompting to keep him on task/remind him where he needs to go next (e.g. lunch, playtime etc) – he is quite spacey and questions often need repeating, struggles with self organisation/motivation. He has some sensory challenges and his current school are good at making easy accommodations to help with these e.g. allowing him not to wear PE kit and sensory/activity breaks whenever needed. He has some friends, seems liked by his peers and isn’t disruptive/no behaviour issues but has big emotions/he sometimes needs support with emotional regulation – not aggressive, rather tears of frustration and anger. Average cognitively or thereabouts – he is class level in maths, approaching class level in reading but behind/really struggles with writing and spelling. He is currently getting by in mainstream primary but definitely not thriving and is a shadow of himself by the end of each term.

He needs more support than a mainstream secondary school would provide (even with an ASD unit) and therefore I am looking for a specialist (ideally autistic but maybe the right dyslexic one could work – if they would be prepared to offer him a place) school. My wish list (unlikely to tick many of the boxes I know!) is near South London/45 minutes drive, small class sizes, nurturing/celebrates neurodiversity, aspirational mainstream (so he can have access to a full curriculum if this is where his development takes him), additional support/interventions available if needed.

We’re happy to move anywhere in the country for the right school. I think Swalcliffe sounds amazing but realistically I don’t think we’d have a chance of getting there via EHCP as we’d have to get Wandsworth onside and then move and get another local authority to name it in his EHCP. Blossom House School sounds great but I don’t think they have any availability currently or for 2024 and he may benefit from being slightly more academically challenged but I do think it would be a fit. The Moat/Burlington School also sounds fab but potentially might be a bit of a stretch for him academically.
I’m also interested in hearing about nearly mainstream independent schools E.g. More House (Surrey) sounds great, but I wonder if he is quite independent enough/he would benefit from some level of autism input as opposed to purely dyslexic (and if they would offer him a place). A school somewhere between a More House or Burlington type school and a Blossom House School would be perfect, does anything like that exist?! But any schools similar to these are also interesting.
Any words of wisdom, pearls of schools out there, would be really really gratefully received. Finding an ok secondary fit feels like an impossible mountain :-(

By all means look at SS, but it isn’t a matter of what a school would provide, they must provide everything specified and quantified in section F of the EHCP, so don’t base your decision on what schools (SS and MS) say they normally would provide.

Don’t rule out The Moat. As well as GCSEs they offer entry level qualifications, if DS is working at ARE in maths and nearly there in reading that should be within his capabilities. Difficulties spelling and writing can be supported with e.g. a scribe. Does DS’s EHCP provide any support and assistive technology for this?

Holmewood is in the same group as The Moat and is worth a look. There’s Abingdon House too, that’s not as academic as The Moat or Holmewood. Further afield there’s Egerton Rothesay (although if you don’t think More House offers enough support you may think the same), Alderwasley Hall, LVS Oxford, Breckenbrough, West Kirby. Also look at some other Cavendish schools, some of NAS schools and some of Aspris’s schools. Some are wholly independent, so you would need an offer of a place, others aren’t so you don’t need an offer.

Be aware if you move LA the new LA will review the EHCP and potentially reassess, amend or even cease to maintain. It’s always a risk. If you were to move for e.g. Swalcliffe I wouldn’t fight 2 LA’s, you don’t need to convince Wandsworth then move and do the same again, just move. As a side note Swalcliffe and some of the others I mention offer boarding.

St Dominic's Hambledon Surrey worth a look?

As an aside, you say that he is possibly dyslexic, if I was you I'd get him assessed so you know for sure and know exactly what his issues are, what might help ie coloured overlays and what access arrangements would benefit him. It might potentially help with his frustration and upset as well.