ASD and reception, what were your experiences!?

[Dazedandconfusedmummy]

Hi, long term lurker and new poster! My beautiful almost 5 year old girl started reception in September with a full EHCP of support measures, targets in line with her ability levels and 121 support for 85% of her school day. After a rocky start with the school not following her plan or providing the provisions they've had the sendco looking after her for the last 3 weeks (the same length of time they've actually implanted her EHCP) and they now want to meet me and my husband in January to talk about the fact they are struggling to provide the support specified in section F of her plan. I was spoken to every day this week where the seeds were planted that perhaps this isn't the right school for her (despite being named in her plan) I even had the head corner me on pick up time yesterday when I had my 3 month old and 3 year old in tow to tell me how much my girl had struggled in the dress rehearsal of the Christmas concert and kept running on stage and it wasn't fair on the rest of the (typical) children if she can't sit still and be quiet. My daughter was diagnosed with ASD on her third birthday, she has a language delay which she is quickly catching up with she just struggles with more complex concepts such as questions about the past and why questions. There have been several occasions where she's not been included because she can be a handful and I'm constantly being asked what they should do. She has little impulse control at the moment and she doesn't mask at all (which I am so pleased about as I know the damage this can do) I'm just scared if I'm honest. I'm scared about the bleak picture they are painting of her and her ability to stay at school and I'm scared she's too high needs for mainstream and not high enough needs for a specialist setting. They don't see the bright loving and wonderful girl I see. She's completely toilet trained, she's able to have (albeit limited) back and forth conversations. She's got a wonderful relationship with her younger sister and baby brother and her self care skills are getting better everyday. I know no one has a crystal ball but has anyone had a similar experience and can you hold my hand a bit? I'm feeling very fragile and i have no idea what our future holds which I am struggling with at the moment. Please be kind and help a mummy out 🥺

It sounds like you might need an early review of the EHCP so it can better meet DD’s needs. Other than the 1:1 what other provision is in section F?

When you say the school is struggling to provide the provision in F how do you mean? If it is specified and quantified in F it must be provided. If it isn’t you can enforce the EHCP.

The school haven't been clear with us about what they are struggling to provide other than to say they've seen that dd works a lot better in small groups (which is in her EHCP that she is is to have the curriculum delivered to her in smaller groups and have a quieter place provided to carry out tasks) they've dropped hints to me at pick up times that they can't do anything about her class size being 32 and that she is overwhelmed and struggles to regulate in her classroom. We also had the behaviour support team come out and do some work with dd and her teachers and their report was very different and stated how much she loves other children and how well she interacts and takes turns with them. It's all very contradictory and confusing! We've also been made aware that she was the only child in her year who's autistic that took part in Christmas concert, the other children were asked to stay at home as the teachers felt they found it overwhelming which has really upset us, I have a feeling we are dealing with much more deep seated discrimination which makes me very sad and nervous.

None of that sounds great. Other than your kid - she sounds lovely. Are there any other mainstream primaries nearby that could be worth looking at?

Ah thank you, she really is. To think of how hard she's worked from being non verbal and using pecs until she was 3 to now being a month away from her 5th birthday and being able to talk to me about what she wants for Christmas and what her favourite things are. She even said in the heads office on Wednesday "excuse me, I want to go home now please" I couldn't be prouder or more in awe of her. It's like having a raw nerve whenever they talk so negatively about her. I actually had a conversation again with the sendco about the fact that they expected her to sit quietly at the Christmas concert in between her bits (she was a Christmas angel and knew when she was supposed to get up and sing 😍) without providing her with any disability aides. She had no fidget toys or ear defenders and the response I got was that they didn't want to single her out! I couldn't believe I had to explain that by not providing her with these things they aren't making the event accessible for her. Yet in other ways she's so happy there and loves walking to school with her little sister who's in the pre school and she gets invited to all her classmates birthdays and they all love her so much, I don't want her to have to give that up because the school are being lazy and not either educating themselves or sticking to her plan. It's such a fine balance and I'm constantly flitting between the feeling of wanting to take her out and the outrage of their behaviour and making sure no one else with SEN experiences this at that school. I know I sound like an unhinged mummy!

Is the EHCP specified and quantified or is it vague and woolly? Without further detail “small groups” is too woolly to be of use.

The SENCO needs reminding the school need to make reasonable adjustments and provide the provision in F. Not providing support so as not to single DD out is ridiculous, by not providing the support and adjustments DD is singled out.

It's quite specific, it states that she should complete her activities for no more than 10 minutes per task with a consistent group of 1 to 2 of her peers. It also states that a quiet area should be provided for her to complete structured activities away from the classroom. You're right, I do keep reminding them of their obligation when it comes to section F and the well-being of my girl but she just constantly wants to talk about dds behaviour or outbursts without acknowledging that they are triggering this. I've contacted the LA and sendias requesting an emergency review of the plan and spoken to the sendco to say I've done this and she seemed rather put out and surprised. I think she wanted to just get me and my husband to agree that we don't think they can support the plan but as they've not been following it I honestly don't know how they could evidence this! Feeling so sad and stressed right now

“no more than 10 minutes per task” is quite woolly. At the early review you should try to get that amended. It could be 30 seconds and you wouldn’t be able to challenge it.

If the school continue to fail to provide the provision in F email the Director of Children’s Services as they are ultimately responsible for ensuring the provision is provided.

Be careful with SENDIASS, some are good but too many repeat the LA’s unlawful policies.

I was paraphrasing her plan, it really is very detailed and does quantify a lot. Her private speech and language therapist helped us write it and it was sent back to the LA twice to be amended. Each section of learning has different targets for my dd, she has specific speech and language targets with a 15 minute turn taking activity and game each day (I thought it was 10, my mistake!) with a trusted adult and 1 to 2 peers. She has it written into her plan that stimming should be free and she should have a sensory and movement breaks after every activity she undertakes. Section F itself is 5 pages long. Songs of reference are supposed to be used along with the opportunity for her to continue a preferred activity if she requests this, specific strategies to use to help her transition, facilitating play supports and strategies, scaffolding language supports along with a mixture of peers so she can hear language being used across all abilities etc. a lot of the pushback we are getting is that they are insisting they can't see how they are triggering her behaviours but they aren't providing the support in the plan and so my point is that they can't say they are supporting her. They keep on going on about her being unable to focus yet in her plan it states A learning environment that minimises the number of potential stressors, by minimising sensory distractions (e.g. attention to and ability to control noise levels, lighting levels, levels of visual stimulation, numbers, and proximity of other people).
I've emailed the director of child services so good to know I'm on the right path with that, I had no idea about sendias, I genuinely thought they would be helpful to engage in this! Thank you for that I'll definitely be careful

Op you have spoken heavily about the Xmas play - there is sooooo much stress on Asc children to conform do you think she would of been best not to do it? My boy never does them as he hates them .... I'm glad he doesn't as it's his worse nightmare. The singing / the noise / being watched by random parents / taking forever to finish.

Impulse control - maybe she should get her on the wait list for adhd test to rule it out

Have you thought about an independent mainstream? Numbers are a lot lower.....

I'd work with the senco if she's any good and see what schools she suggests ....
In my area there are a few MS (well 2 that are 5*) that are excellent with Sen - do you have a local Facebook group with Sen kids? That's where you will gain local knowledge from the parents who might have some excellent thoughts .... Or chat off line with the person who's doing the 1 to 1 and see whether your daughter is happy or struggling.... as you don't want her unhappy / struggling ..... good luck

You've made some great points, she loves to be on stage! I think that's the issue as far as school can see, she wants to join in singing with everyone so she runs up whether or not it's her part 😂 perhaps she'll be a little performer one day? I guess I've spoken about the Christmas play so much because it's the first time she's been involved in something at school.
we're on the waiting list for the community paediatrician to have her assessed for adhd, I strongly suspect that we are dealing with both.

im not against sending her to a specialist or an independent school at all, I just want her to have the right support before we move her as she loves her school, she loves walking to school with her little sister who's in the preschool and will be starting in September in reception. She loves living down the road from her friends and seeing them when we go out to the park or the supermarket and I want her to have her place in her own community if I can. School for us is about all of these things and experiences for her, so whilst I have no problem moving her if she's truly struggling I feel like the school need to actually offer her the right support before we do this. I just wanted to connect with other mums and dads and to see what their experiences have been and perhaps offer us some insight into how their lovely children have progressed and how they are perhaps a year or two down the line: the school are making out like she's terribly high needs and painting a rather bleak picture of her future and it would be good to hear from some more experienced parents and to see how the future has panned out so far for you ☺️

That's absolutely fabulous- sounds so sweet.

Maybe I'd personally get on side with the senco if you love that school.

I'm far more deeper in the depths of EHCP / directors of Sen blah blah and their behaviour from the Directors of LA.

If your child is happy and not struggling that's worth the weight in gold 🥰🥰🥰

I wouldn't jump through too many hurdles to say my child isn't getting xyz - before you should maybe discuss with your senco. Like I say that's my personal experience. A happy child is worth a million pounds.

You need them on your side - so always discuss what your doing. If they aren't doing what you expect that's cool but personally I'd always give the school the opportunity. Otherwise it's always a fight and that's a lot of stress.

Hope your girl is happy you sound such a lovely family 🤩 good luck x

I wouldn't jump through too many hurdles to say my child isn't getting xyz - before you should maybe discuss with your senco. Like I say that's my personal experience. A happy child is worth a million pounds.

I’m of the opposite view. Yes, a happy child is worth everything, but a child is more likely to be happy if they are receiving the SEP they require to meet their SEN. I would be making it very clear to school and LA that DC wasn’t receiving the provision specified and quantified in F, and if it continues you will be forced to begin judicial review proceedings. Then follow through with the threat if necessary. Sadly if you let schools and LAs get away with not providing the provision they will take liberties. Many only take parents seriously when they see they will enforce the provision. It’s much easier to start as you mean to go on.

My son had the best senco ever in infant school who did everything possible to make him comfortable,she was also always there for me when I needed so his early school years were amazing and he progressed so much x

@Dazedandconfusedmummy I really hope your still around because I've just read your OP and this is my daughter to a T!! Although she isn't diagnosed. School struggle with her and today I've been called to collect her at lunch time again! Because she was upset / distressed. (Never has these problems at home) the christmas play and everything is exactly the same as her!!! Would love an update what you decided to do with your daughter as I am in this position she's in reception now and school are defiantely trying to push her to a specialist school but I'm sure she wouldn't fit there. I don't know what to do! Would love an update xx

I'd like an update too. She sounds like a fab child!

I've got a 10 year old with ADHD and ASC. Music theatre is her "thing" and she gets so much from it.

Hi! My girl is heading into year 2 in September and although we've had lots of challenges we've also had lots of wins. I ended up calling an early review of her EHCP with the LA and the school. We laid it all out on the table and were so honest with what had been said and done and the LA and the school were full of apologies and actions on how my daughter experiences will improve. We got full funding for her that cover breaks and lunches and specific support around her gestalt processing. All of her teachers have support have had training and been observed on how they deliver this to her. Are things perfect? Nope! She is still not having full days in the classroom but is taken to a learning annexe where some of her subjects and delivered to an adapted curriculum and she isn't always included in things I wish she was but things are better and she is happy. She is reading and writing (under duress as it's not a preferred activity and she is vocal about that!) we are still waiting on her adhd assessment as her biggest issue is her overstimulation which makes her inattentive and she then gets the zoomies which she can then get really upset if someone tries to stop her so it's a balancing act. She's made friends and has been invited to birthday parties which is lovely and she loves school. The biggest issue is the school which I suspect is the same for lots of mainstream schools, don't understand what inclusion really is and quite often she is seen as difficult rather than them looking at how her needs haven't been met and how that's escalated things. I think when she's in juniors we will reevaluate her setting and if she needs a more specialist setting then we'll look at that ahead of "big school" but what I've learned is progress is progress and she's amazing and capable of much more than most people give her credit for