Does everyone feel this sad and this guilty upon diagnosis?

[Onedaymydishwasherwillcome]

DD (9) has just been diagnosed with dyslexia. I’m sure that in a few weeks, things will swing into action - we have a meeting with school lined up, and DH and I will be reading all the books and putting in place all the strategies, etc, and it will become our new normal. She is safe and well and is a wonderful, kind, happy kid. She is lovely to her friends, and musically talented, and is working so, so hard. I cannot ask her to work any harder.

But right now… I am so, so sad. I feel heartbroken that her life will be so much harder than mine was. I am in bits that she is likely to miss out on the educational opportunities we had - DH and I both went to Oxbridge and if I am being brutally honest with myself, I had envisaged my kids following a similar path. She was a really clever young child - read very early, had an interest in everything scientific and historical. It feels as though just getting through the day and coping with the dyslexia related difficulties has now sucked all of that out of her - I don’t know where my sparky little girl has gone. She’s absolutely exhausted. She is obviously still clever - an average ability score of 131 etc - but nobody at school can see that. Or perhaps they’re just not interested- they are saying that she’s just average. I want them to see what’s inside her head but they don’t, or won’t. And to be absolutely honest, I suspect now that if I could look inside her head, I’d see that she’s too exhausted to summon up much of her former enthusiasm for science or maths, etc.

I hate that I feel this way. She is obviously still absolutely perfect, just the way she is. She knows nothing of any of this, or of how I’m feeling, of course. We’ve told her about the diagnosis but she isn’t really old enough to know what that entails or how much harder she is going to need to work than everyone else. I feel so guilty for feeling this way. Her happiness is obviously more important than university etc. But it turns out that I have quite a narrow life experience after all and I am scared for her.

Did you all feel this way too? I feel like a terrible parent. I should just be able to accept the way that she is.

I don't think you should feel guilty for wanting the best outcome for your child. You're having to grieve now for the easy life that you wished she had and that is normal I think.

If I had a genie of the lamp I would 100% be wishing for the best, easiest, most fantastic life for my children!

Perhaps she will adjust once she has accomodations made for her and will feel less exhausted by the strain. Perhaps she was just ahead of herself in her early years and is now settling into something more her stride. Perhaps she is being held back by some other issue or the school isn't suiting her. All you realistically can do is be there for her and try to support her <3

Similar situation here. My DS of the same age has just been diagnosed with dyslexia however, I'm really happy about it. Now we have a plan and a way to explain to him why he struggles. His biggest issue is slow processing and, I've realised that I have that too. Everyone at school thought I was slow but I still went to a Russell Group uni and now I'm in a professional job (that doesn't require me to do anything too quickly!) I'm talking to him about the story of the hare and the tortoise as that's my philosophy in life. We're explaining to him that he will find things harder but that just means he needs to put in twice the effort which, I think, is a great lesson to learn age 9 rather than age 29. You will all find strategies to deal with this, it will take time, there are no quick fixes and it will be hard work but your role is to support your daughter, be her advocate and teach her how to overcome problems.