To move to a smaller school or not

[User16529834]

My son is y3 and is currently awaiting diagnosis. I'm an educational professional though and I have enough experience to say he is likely to get a diagnosis of either ASD, ADHD or as I suspect, both.

School say he's fine. But at the same time are calling me weekly to say 'oh he's hit someone's or 'oh he did run out of school today's or 'he hid under the tables a lot today'. I mean... That's not fine, is it? Previously when I have raised my concerns about ADHD and ASD I have been told no they don't think its that. I believe he masks well as he can socialise on a fairly competent level and he is academically ok (we believe he's capable of much more but also haven't pushed this because he's at the expected standard which we are fine with).

School accept he has some sensory challenges - can't sit still, needs to fiddle, dyspraxic. They also accept he has issues with emotional regulation.

At home we have a sad and miserable child who hates going to school most days. He picks his fingers constantly, leaving blisters. He bits his lips so they are all dry. He has night terrors and wets the bed once or twice a week. We have epic tantrums and huge meltdowrns. I could not shout from the rooftop anymore that he is NOT FINE.

His class are challenging. It's loud and disruptive. There are a few aggressive children in the class who are unpredictable. He says the noise is constant including several children who vocally stim constantly. They are not well trained (I've seen it on school trips) and they all call out all the time. There is very little order and the teacher seems lax. He is certainly part of the problem I'm sure but I believe his anxiety and his in attentiveness are heightened by being in a challenging class. He has very few friends and is teased by a lot of the alpha males. It's low level stuff but it really affects him and he takes it to heart. Alpha males form the majority of his class and we have seen from whole class parties that 'rowdy' doesn't do them justice. It's also a very large school with 90 children per year group. He currently doesn't go out to play as he can't handle the noise and the teasing.

A space has come up at a village school about 15 minutes away. It's a school of less than 100. The academic results are poorer but still good - and right now my belief is that he'll only get good results if he's happy anyway. It's mixed age classes and there is lots of outdoor space. As a school it feels calm and relaxed.

We are torn as to whether to remove him. It will logistically mean he'd have to do breakfast club and after school club for 30 minutes a day. What if we move him and find the issues he has are just issues with school in general. What if it's worse? On the flip side he's telling us he hates school and we know his class are very challenging.

I'd be really interested to hear from anyone else with an ADHD/ASD child who moved schools for similar reasons - how did it go?

Not sure how useful this will be as it's my own experience rather than DD's and was 30 years ago, but I went to two small schools. First was awful, didn't understand ASD at all and threatened to expel me if my parents didn't pull me out ( suspect that wouldn't be allowed now). Second was brilliant and for the most part the mixed year classes helped socially as I was young for my age, and academically as I was above, though obviously there were times I was in the top or bottom year for the class.
However there was none of the support my DD gets in her large school, some of which I expect is due to my being educated in MS being a rarity back then but also suspect DD's school can pool funding for things like the sensory room.
If it really is a case of his class being particularly bad would moving to another class rather than changing school be an option.

Personally, instead of moving at this moment in time I would consider applying for an EHCNA. Moving now without further support in place could be jumping out of the frying pan into the fire.

Move.
I did the same and my child was happier.
it didn’t last because I chose to move again to a ss after 18 month maths , but at least he was happier in the smaller village school.

you have a child who is deeply unhappy where he is so what do you have to
lose.

as for the EHCP, I’m presuming you have this and if you don’t apply for it yourself.

We don't have an EHCP and we won't get one from what I'm told. We don't have a diagnosis yet. We have had some 'screening' from a private professional but they can't diagnose. Just advise.

I'm really torn as school are now at least being somewhat supportive.

Who told you you won’t get an EHCP? From your OP I think you should definitely apply. You don’t need a diagnosis. You can apply for an EHCNA yourself, IPSEA have a model letter you can use.

School told me he wouldn't get one. They insinuated that his needs are not that high.

To be honest when we go out and about and when he's with me in group situations he's totally fine and comes across as pretty much NT. He masks well. It takes time to understand his true depth and the scale of his issues. The finger picking for example school didn't pick up on.

School basically said they can easily cater for his needs with a few alterations and considerations. I agree that this should be the case but it's made much harder by the fact that his class and very challenging and rowdy.

He has his sensory quirks and finds it hard to sit still. He has a few good friends and seems only a little bit more obsessive about the normal 8 year old things than his peers. He really struggles to organise himself, his thoughts and can't follow instructions very well.

But maybe an EHCP is worth enquiring about? Surely there is a base level of 'need' they have to have? Does it just bring extra funding or are there other benefits?

Schools often incorrectly tell parents their DC doesn’t need/won’t get an EHCP but the parents go on to successfully apply themselves. You can get EHCPs for DC who mask, although it can require you to fight for it more.

The initial threshold for an EHCNA is relatively low - a) has or may have SEN, and b) may need SEN provision to be made via an EHCP.

EHCPs can have funding attached to them (although not all do) but the biggest benefit is securing provision that must be provided. Often the provision includes support DC wouldn’t otherwise get e.g. sensory OT.

From personal experience you need to make sure the smaller school is able to provide the additional support that may be required. The smaller school/quieter environment needs to be balanced against the fact that many smaller village schools lack resources and experience when it comes to providing additional support

It is also worth considering that children in smaller village schools can have very established friendship groups - especially if they have gone through the village toddler group/nursery. It can be hard for a new child to break into these groups regardless of social skills. Again, the school should be wise to this but don’t assume anything.

Thank you @Ralphswife you are right with all these points. Food for thought. I am going to see the village school this week. In some ways it'll be easier if it's clearly not right as that'll mean we have no option but to stay put. But I feel I owe it to my son so check out and rule out the alternatives.

We live on the edge of a large town and the village school isn't very far. It actually has a few kids from the local area as there are not many families in the village itself.

Is his current class over subscribed? I'd move him as his current class sounds far from ideal, the last thing a child with ASD needs is a loud and disruptive classroom. If you have the option to move him back if it doesn't work out though, then all the better.
Take questions with you to ask the new school, be very clear with them about all his issues and the support you would like him to receive.