Dd 16 won’t speak to teachers

[ArseInTheCoOpWindow]

She’s just been diagnosed. I suspected it for a long time.

As she’s got older she refuses to speak to the majority of teachers. She will speak to the exceptionally kind ones, but won’t ever ask for help if she doesn’t understand. She then gets anxious and it affects her progress in class as she shuts down. It’s very bad with loud or snappy teachers.

Shes started a levels. After a very difficult time she’s finally settling..,,,, we hope. But she went to hand something into one teacher who snapped ar her and told her to bring it later. She took it later and the teacher had another go.

She refused then to attend the lesson as she was scared and came home really really upset. She’s missed some lessons and doesn’t understand but won’t ask for help. She’s basically scared stiff of this teacher.

l know how hard teaching is, l used to be a teacher, but how the hell do we tackle this? She loves her others history teacher, but we’ve had endless tears and tantrums this weekend, but I’m not sure how on earth to tackle this. It’s her favourite subject too.

Forgot the important bit of the title.Shrs ASD.

Have you told the school/college about your DD's diagnosis? I'm not sure how it works as your DD is 16 so classed an 'an adult' I'm guessing when it comes to things medical (ie I'm not sure if you need her permission?)
How would she feel about you contacting the teacher in question? I've had something similar with my DS. He's younger though (Yr8). I've had him refuse to go into lessons at the start of the year when it's a new teacher and he doesn't know them. Or if the teacher has raised their voice in general to the class - he takes it really personally.

We have managed to work through it. I've contacted the teacher and they've agreed to meet with my DS in another part of the school and have a general chat about things that interest him. That seems to 're-set him' somehow.

I guess if it's really bad, would it be worth speaking to the college/school to see if she could swap teachers? It sounds like this is something that may well happen again though so I feel it is worth trying to address, somehow.

Does she have a form tutor/head of year you could contact?
As a slight aside, do you think your DD might benefit from extra time in her exams, going forward? If she has some form of additional needs (you don't say what her diagnosis is in), she may qualify.

Shes ASD. Hierarchical communication problems are one of her issues. We’ve had it off and on. But this seems to be the worse. She’s got sensory issues too, so raised or sharpvoices send her over the edge.

Think we might contact head of sixth form. It sounds so ‘princess y’ but it’s awful.

It's not 'princessy' at all! I totally understand. My DS is the same. Any raised voices and he's in pieces. My DS is on a level 8/9 of anxiety at all times I would say - he also has ASD - so the slightest thing can send him into total meltdown. It's so very hard isn't it?

If it's possible, I would share her diagnosis with the sixth form. They have a statutory duty to support her and make reasonable adjustments. It's also in their best interests to help her achieve the best grades possible in her A levels.

They know, and have been suppprtive.

It’s how to word it that’s the problem!

Do speak to the teacher and the head of sixth form.

Can DD communicate via written notes, emails or communication cards? Or via traffic light system?

Has DD had a SALT assessment?

Aha. In that case would something like this work?:

'As you know, DD has an autism diagnosis. This can make it difficult for her to process and understand people's 'intentions' and decipher social communication. There has been an issue of miscommunication between DD and teacher X which has unfortunately resulted in DD now struggling to attend X's lessons.
I would welcome the opportunity to meet with you to discuss how we can try and resolve this as soon as possible.'

Yes, she’s had one but we haven’t had the report yet. She spoke to the SALT utterly charmingly!😡

She won’t do email. She won’t do anything to attract the spotlight on her. She just won’t.

Could you ask the teacher if she can email work to avoid a clash at hand in? Or could the teacher put a box somewhere in the classroom for work to be dropped off?