Should I seek diagnosis of ASD for my DD

[SerenadeOfTheSchoolRun]

DD is 10. She has good friends at school. The school have never said there is a problem along these lines. She has had an education psychologist assessment for dyslexia which she probably has and her report contains lots of information about her sensory issues but no mention was made of ASD.

The reasons I suspect ASD are:

Will only eat a severely limited range of food

hated brushing her hair and teeth when younger - now has short hair and particular toothpaste.

late to speak and potty train

wont sleep unless someone she knows well is in the room/ ideally in the bed.

will have occasional meltdowns - totally unreasonable and crying/screaming in public places - was reported to the school about a year ago on one of the occasions.

gets obsessed with tv series and watches on repeat and finds out everything about the actors etc

Strong resistance to homework/music practice etc at home - anything she finds hard. Seems to be more able at school on this front.

however I guess all this is manageable and as I say, she has good friends and most of the time you wouldn’t notice. What would be the advantage of pushing for a diagnosis? What support is available that she doesn’t have now? Would she feel labelled or would it help her understand why she reacts the way she does and would that understanding change anything? I suppose as I think she would be at the ‘mild’ end of the spectrum I wonder if it would be unnecessary to start down what sounds like a long and different process.

I would, to access support and protection for your DD. She would then have more understanding, possibly be able to access support and also have some protection (e.g. not be punished for meltdowns).

I do not have any professional expertise in this area. I did grow up with a sibling who very likely had ASD, but our parents covered it up to the extent of moving school. It was horrible and frightening to know something was very different in our family, but not understand what. I cannot imagine how bad it would have been for my sibling. Their children show strong indicators of ASD, but the same pattern of denial and removal from certain situations/schools is being followed. The children clearly struggle, anxiety is a huge issue and as they get older are at risk of punishment for some behaviors.

I would seek an assessment. A diagnosis is a diagnosis not a label. A diagnosis would give DD a sense of understanding of herself and help others understand her too.

There’s no such thing as mild autism. When people say that they typically mean what some describe as ‘high functioning’ and where the autism affects others mildly not that the person themselves is affected mildly. In order to be diagnosed one must have “persistent difficulties” that “limit and impair everyday functioning”.

Support is based on needs not diagnosis, so a diagnosis shouldn’t change the support received.

Thank you for your replies. I do think there is part of me that would prefer to deny and explain away the behaviours as immaturity or stubbornness etc. Regarding the threshold for diagnosis - "persistent difficulties” that “limit and impair everyday functioning”. I am not 100% sure that she would meet that. Although perhaps this is denial again as we have got so used to working around the things that she won't eat or do and looking at my list with fresh eyes I guess it does limit everyday functioning to some degree.

Some things to think about re protection from punishment - although I do think that as parents we have improved on coping with meltdowns but yes - if it was understood at the school it may be helpful (although she doesn't have meltdowns at school ). Also that high functioning autism affects other people mildly rather than the person themselves.

So how do you even start with getting a diagnosis? As I say we have been to an educational psychologist who asked about all of this and wrote about it in her report but did not mention ASD. The School have never suggested it. Do we get a GP appointment - not easy - and talk to them or should I start with the school? DD has a fear of GPs and last time I took her (years ago - probably aged about 3 or 4) she spent the whole appointment under the chair refusing to engage. She still says she won't see a doctor........

In some areas you can self refer. If you can’t in your area you can ask the GP or school to.

School should be making adjustments and meeting DD’s SEN even without a diagnosis.

I can see that if you think you are managing now you might think you don’t need a diagnosis, but for autistic girls the teen years can be very difficult as the social demands increase and people’s tolerance of quirkiness etc. reduces. It is easier if you already have a diagnosis.

Best wishes @SerenadeOfTheSchoolRun. To clarify, I absolutely meant any risk of punishment outside of the home, not from you. Sorry that wasn't clear in my original post. Was thinking of issues such as a meltdown at school, then being disciplined by a teacher who demands eye contact while dishing out an unhelpful punishment. Or struggling with homework and the response escalating anxiety, rather than finding solutions.

Thanks for that Usernamechanged. We do get anxiety over homework not done. I do wonder what the right way to handle that is - it would be good to get it done. It would help as parents to get some advice as to how to handle things like when she just disengages and shouts at us not to talk to her.

I imagine we will just hit a brick wall and be told she is not that bad but no one has said that here based on my list and perhaps I am minimising. I mentioned the possibility to my parents and got a definite no way from them based on old school knowledge of how autism was perceived in the past. Eye contact etc.

Some DC with ASD struggle with homework because home is home and school is school and homework transcends the barrier. Have you spoken to school about it?

Some find focusing only on what is necessary for core subjects eases the problem. If the school have a homework club some find that helpful. I know a couple of DC where their school doesn’t have a homework club whose parents have found going to the local library at a regular time each week works, but this depends on individual needs for some it would be a terrible suggestion. It also relies on you actually having a local library.