Advice needed about nursery approach to my DS

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DS is 3. He has always been a handful. Responds v extremely to being asked to do stuff. Everything is a negotiation. I noticed very early on that he has no interest in following others or other kids - take him to the zoo and rather than look at the animals, he will run away from the crowds. He did used to hit me and DH quite a bit but he's much better now. He also really struggles to share.

First nursery - all was fine. feedback was limited but he was fine. No problems

He's now at pre-school, week 5, and we have already had one meeting about his behaviour and they're inviting SEN in. He pushes stuff over, won't listen and has hit another kid.

They aren't suggesting anything. Just that nothing works. I feel like everything is so negative. I feel like they're building up to chucking him out "can't manage him, unable to give him support he needs etc". Doctor says just sounds like "boys being boys"

i feel totally stuck. i work full time. I can't not have a nursery space. I will lose my job.

I feel so heart broken that they seem to hate him so much

Hi,

I’ve only just seen your message. How are you getting on?

could your son be struggling with the transition?

Please don’t let your GP fob you off like that. Explain how much trouble he is having at pre school and that he’s possibly going to be excluded.

Could you look for a childminder or nanny for child care?

It's good the preschool are getting people involved early. Better than waiting for school to do it, the earlier the better. It's not good you feel they don't like him though. I would get as many people assessing him as possible and and as much help as possible. Preschools see a lot of kids so they know when to judge that things aren't 'normal'. It's also not something there do lightly as it really is a lot if extra paperwork that they won't be paid extra for certainly initially and probably ever. A diagnosis can take so long that he may only have it by the time he goes to school so preschool won't get anything out of it. They can't kick him out unless he really needs a 1:1 adult. What you've described doesn't sound like that but does sound like he might need some extra support. It's great they are on this as too many places ignore. Please try not to take it personally or be too sensitive. I'm sure they are trying to help not get him kicked out.

If the school are suggesting meetings and getting the SENCO involvement this is more than “boys will be boys” which is frankly nonsense.

DS don’t need a diagnosis for nursery to provide additional support. If they need more funding they should apply for early years inclusion funding and an EHCNA. The nursery must make reasonable adjustments and can’t just exclude DS even if he does need 1:1.

Agree with above, it's good that nursery are looking at why these behaviours are happening. The fact that they are considering Sen suggests they are trying to help rather than get rid. Firstly I'd consider is this the best environment for your child? Would a smaller setting setting such a childminder suit better? Also speak to senco ask what they can do to support your child. They don't need a diagnosis or ehcp to apply for support ie 1:1.
Also if you end up on the pathway /diagnosis route, your dc may be entitled to dla which could help in making childcare choices.