Residential school

[FailingMotherhood]

I'm posting as I'm trying to help my best mate. She fostered and adopted her son, who'd been removed from an abusive home as a toddler, with substance abuse being a concern with his biological mother.

As he grew older, it became obvious that he had SEN. He eventually got a ECHP, and has had it for years, but he's struggled in mainstream school, and they've struggled with him.

He has no formal diagnosis, partly because the therapists and psychologists assigned to him keep on changing, and it's kind of back to stage one each time.

His behaviour has become increasingly disturbing as he's gotten older - he's now 12, and he can be destructive, disruptive, and now he has a young offender's officer assigned due to some sexualised behaviour towards other children. His mother has no idea where its come from, other than him managing to bypass the restrictions on his school laptop (he's apparently searched for some pretty unsavoury stuff).

Because of this, my friend is becoming increasingly isolated. Friends such as myself can't visit her with our own children out of fear of what he might say or do, and her family are sick of his behaviour - they literally want her to surrender him to social services as a failed adoption.

I feel sorry for him, because although his behaviour is horrendous, I hate the idea of a child being written off before he's even in his teens. I was wondering if anyone had any ideas of whether a residential school could help, to give him a better chance at an education (he currently spends most of his time in isolation or suspended), and give his mom some respite. She's tried getting him into a SEN dayschool, but he was rejected.

I would have hoped that my mate would have been given more support and advice from social services and the police, but here we are. I think she's just too overwhelmed to push at the moment, and I don't know how to help her.

She's tried getting him into a SEN dayschool, but he was rejected.

Why did the LA refuse to name a SS? Did she appeal the decision? Unless the school is wholly independent (was it?) the LA can only refuse to name the parental preference in limited circumstances. Unfortunately, if the LA have refused to name a day SS it’s unlikely they will agree to name a residential SS, but she can appeal.

Your friend needs to ask for an early review of the EHCP, or potentially a reassessment of needs. Are the exclusions formal exclusions? What support is in the EHCP now?

Have they/are they receiving any post adoption support?

If adoption disruption is a risk your friend needs to be aware children’s services may make mutterings of child abandonment, but it is unlikely to come to anything. I don’t say this to scare you/her, but so you are pre-warned in case it happens and know it isn’t likely to come to anything.

The school was an independent one, afaik- she's trying to get feedback as to the reason for the rejection.

She's been his mother for ten years, and has been trying to get help for him since he was six, with limited success.

He's seen a few different psychologists via CAMHS, and has got an ECHP with funding for 1-1 assistance for the full school week, but the school don't seem able to cope. I don't think he's been formally excluded (although his aunt has said that they're not sure if he's allowed back next term), and I'm not sure if even his suspensions have been that formal (she's been pulled out of work lots to pick him up, she had to drop hours because the school said that they wanted him to finish an hour early, etc). When he is at school, he's usually in isolation. It just seems to be a mess.

She's not very Internet savvy, so I'm not sure if she's fully aware of what help she's entitled to and what procedures should be followed. I just really feel for her, but I can't even talk to her about it because she rarely gets any time away from him anymore.

Her family are pushing for her to surrender him to social services because they feel that his behaviour is increasingly dangerous and only going to get worse, because they're not getting any professional help. I've even wondered if I could pay for a private diagnosis for him to help her out, but most private services seem to be aimed at testing for autism, ADHD, etc, and I don't know if he has these, something else, or a combination.

Is the school wholly independent or a section 41 independent? That is important in determining rights to name them in the EHCP. Your friend should appeal the refusal.

1:1 isn’t enough. Therapies (OT, SALT, MH therapies etc.) can be included in EHCPs and sounds like they are needed.
 Your friend needs to ensure the exclusions are formal ones, it sounds like some/all of them are informal, illegal exclusions.

If your friend hasn’t looked at IPSEA and SOSSEN she should.

I've even wondered if I could pay for a private diagnosis

Support is based on needs rather than diagnosis, so a diagnosis alone is unlikely to make little difference. Your friend could push for a referral to somewhere like GOSH’s attachment and trauma team which will assess needs and look at a wide range of diagnoses.

That's really helpful, thanks!