Why do kids ignore SEN kids?

[Thegirlnextdoor74]

For many months my son has said the kids ignore him at school. I considered deregistering him, but the teachers said it was nothing and he was happy. I have been fighting for a dyspraxia assessment the last two years and again been told he was fine.

Last night I saw with my own eyes and it was heartbreaking. I don't understand why they do this? We have kids over and they all get on fine, but when they are in groups or at school they blank him or say "go away'. I and suspected my son was being bullied but it's so hard to prove.

If you bring it up with school they just say it's a misunderstanding or the teachers make everything worse by embarrassing the mean kids, so the past few months he just wanted to lie low and get through year 6.

At his school show I couldn't believe how obvious it was that he could not coordinate in any way to the level of the other kids. It was a big shock having been told over and over again SEN assessment wasn't necessary. It causes him great distress knowing he can't move like the others and he does need the help. So much so that last year he broke his leg while learning to ride his bike.

I feel such a fool that I didn't fight harder for my son.

But anyway, the point of this post is WHY do kids ignore - not even a few words, or a glance to acknowledge them? Am I wrong that this is about SEN (the ADHD/ sporty kids don't have this issue).

Could it be that your DS and the others are missing on the social cues?

If your DS is SEN it’s possible that his reactions and initial actions are different from the NT kids and they are picking up on this.

SEN people often have to learn to mimic social interactions of their peers , and this can be exhausting for them, but it’s hard for child.

My dds best friend has dyspraxia and they have been close friends since they were tiny and they are now 12 and gonto different secondary schools.
Over the years her friend has been bullied/ rejected by other boys and he is a sensitive beautiful chap so it's heartbreaking. He can also be clumsy and slower than others. Luckily he has a bunch of friends like my dd.
I think boys at later years at primary can value sporting prowess. The most popular boys are the fastest runners. This was the case in my primary school too.
This will change though and your sons qualities will shine as he grows provided he is nurtured.
My dds bestie is into playing music, singing and acting and he does go on long bike rides with his family.
Good luck and try not to worry too much about the other boys. They will grow up and become more kind I'm sure.

Yes it's possible that the others are missing cues as well - and they have their on issues for sure - but I think mostly they have a clique and their focus is only on that clique.

At my DS2 school years ago (again in year 6) the kids would group together and pick a child to exclude for whatever reason they saw fit (could even be eg jealousy over a popular girl). DS1 teacher says this is typical behavioir for year 6.

There have been many examples this year and not just towards my son, although it does seem he bears the brunt of it, because I think his needs and low self esteem make him less "visible."

I do think that DS1 wants to be friends with anyone and can't see instinctively which kids to avoid, and I don't know how to help him through this. He has matured a lot this year but not at the pace of others.

Thankyou. I think Im just emotional and worrying more than necessary. He has other amazing interests other than sports and I am sure he will have a great life ahead. I think secondary school will be better for him as he will have more kids to form friendships witj and won't be as forced into groups. DS2 (ASC) was also far happier at secondary.

In my DDs' case:

DD1: Was on the outside quite articulate. However she couldn't follow the ebb and flow of conversation so would make comments that seemed 'odd' because they were out of sync. Either too late, or picked up a side reference not the main flow. Plus her motor skills meant she couldn't do the skipping games or whatever. It was too much effort to bother with her much.

DD2: Behind in her speech, hard to follow less articulate. Plus overall less mature than her 'peers'. Oh, and similarly couldn't do skipping games or whatever. She wasn't so much ignored as overlooked. Most of the others just had better things to do than spend their time with her.

Both DDs found a small group of friends at secondary.

I think secondary school will be kinder to your son because the children become much more accepting with age and there are a lot more children to make friends with. My year 7 daughter who struggled with friendships and cliques seems to have found her feet and friendship with a large variety of children and favouring the tolerant ones. On the other hand those who were popular and top of the class are the ones who can struggle not being admired as they were in primary.
I hope you are reassured OP! Try not to worry, your son has a long time to find his feet and friendships that last X