Is it possible to go back to work?

[toastandwhales]

This has been a constant disagreement with my and DH.

We have a 4 year old son who's diagnosed ASD and in the main is non verbal and a 2 year old NT son. They both attend nursery but it's term time only and DS 1 attends 3 days a week (and has been held back a year so won't be going to school for another year) whilst DH 2 does 3 half days. We have nobody to help with childcare during the holidays. DS 1 needs 1 to 1 care during nursery (for a number of reasons), isn't potty trained with smearing issues and struggles with change so I can't imagine holiday clubs being able to accommodate him. We are in the process of getting an EHCP (have been since he was 2) but everything is going super slowly!

DH works full time and has a side business so he works very long days pretty much every day of the week. His work is high stress and can be unpredictable so I do understand that it is difficult for him. However, recently he keeps getting at me saying that I need to get a job to take the pressure off him but is unwilling to help with the children or housework (which is a full time job on its own and I don't usually tend to get to sit down until around 9/10pm myself after cleaning and cooking and sorting the kids out) even if DS 2 asks for a Daddy story at bedtime which takes 5 minutes but he still says he's too busy to make time.

My question is, how do people manage on similar situations? I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Firstly, do you want to go back to work? There's no right or wrong answer here but I feel it's vital to be honest with yourself and your DH.

Many parents of two under 5s (additional needs or not) decide to take time out of the workplace for all the reasons you've mentioned.

You don't mention what sort of job you do and how much you earn. Not that money has to be the only deciding factor in a job but on a practical level, have you both sat down and done the sums?
If you are going back to work, who is going to be doing the full time job you're already doing at home? Is he suggesting you get a nanny/cleaner/au pair? Or is he suggesting you are going to do it too?

Are you claiming DLA for your DS? If you are, you may also be entitled to carer's allowance. If you're not claiming DLA, I would strongly suggest you do. It sounds like he would qualify - maybe that might lift a bit of the financial burden?

As a slight aside, you say your DS's EHCP is taking 'ages'. Whereabouts are you in the process? The law says it must take 20 weeks. It cannot legally take any longer - no matter what tricks a local authority tries to pull.
I would really be pushing for this. Have you identified a school for your DS? I know he's not going this Sept but you will be needing to think about this soon.

There is some good starting info here:

www.ipsea.org.uk/ehc-needs-assessments