Would this worry you? 7 year old with autism

[waterrat]

Hi - my 7 year old recently started a new school in a new area - obviously a nervous time for me/ for her - she started very positively really looking forward to it. She has 'high functioning' autism - it is often not visible how much she struggles.

She has not made any friends, I have had to go in and complain about outright mean/ buillying behaviour once - they did respond quickly but there seems to be a suggestion that she can always draw in the library at break times - I think this is a cop out!

She is a sociable child once she is able to form a connection but the crowded playground is just defeating her - she describes not understanding other children, their games, them not hearing when she asks to join in, her not hearing/ not understanding what they are saying - all symptoms of her hidden disability as I see it.

They say she can draw in the library - which is a supervised place for quiet play - but she is now doing this every day. How will she make friends if she is encouraged to avoid the social situation?

I feel if she was deaf for example they would be trying to help her connect to other children - which she can do in smaller / quieter settings - or finding a child she might get on with.

What breaks my heart is she had a good group of friends at her old school - so she is absolutely not choosing to be alone every playtime - it's a fear based mechanism.
Or am I being unreasonable and I should just let her take her time ?

Because she is in year 3 - I feel we ahve time to move schools again - if we get to the end of summer term and she is still not fitting in/ has not made a single friend - so I want to see how they might help her - Im dreading the thought that come september she will start again after such a huge break and still not have any connections to other children. I think she might be better off starting at a new school.

Yes, it would worry me. Have you spoken to the SENCO?

I completely understand, my son is year 3, possibly autistic, and struggles to make any connection with peers- particularly in the busy playground environment. What we have tried (with limited success, I must admit) is to encourage participation at lunchtime clubs. Our school is quite limited on this but perhaps by joining a club which involves a 'function' or 'job', like a gardening club or something- she might be able to get chatting to peers more easily as they will have a focus of conversation and it would hopefully be a smaller group type set up? Could be worth asking for a list of clubs/activities if her school has much like this going on?

A totally reasonable concern and the school should be supporting with this. Does she have an ehcp? Or an IEP?

Mine moved schools this year and my Y5 child in particular (suspected ASD) has struggled socially. School have done a LOT - rotated seating plans for everyone to try to get DD to find a friendship niche, social group time with a few kids to try to get DD to gel with - but it's taken a lot of time to pay dividends and only has really clicked recently.

DD2 has an ASD diagnosis and is in year 4 - she's struggled more socially this year - I think Y3/4 is a point where the social demands increase for girls in general and where girls with autism can start to flounder particularly. She gets by playing with her sister and school are watching and trying to enable things - but we've had few low-key niggles over the year - but it's starting to settle down now. Key thing is school are receptive to working with us.

Thanks guys - they have given her a 'role' at playtime with younger children which she loves - that has helped - but I still find some of the things she says about wishing she had a friend v heartbreaking.

Essentially - the rather brutal nature of modern primary school cirriculum just doesn't allow enough time for children to 'slowly' get to know people - playtimes are not very long they are hectic - there is little 'play' 'social' stuff built in elsewhere. If there were longer play sessions - or playtimes just with the class like they have in reception - I think they would all benefit.

Do you have any Sen meetings coming up? I'd want this included in her Sen plan, scaffolding in social interaction. Does she get any one to one hours?