I am confused about this whole process, and feel exhausted by it all.
We have struggled for years to get our son's social, educational and communication difficulties acknowledged - mainly because he is quiet. He is now nearly 14 and it took us to not send him to school (although he was still on the school role) stay in another area in the country and access the GP and CAMHS there to get us to the point where we have just had an ADOS back where we live, he is under safeguarding due to the bullying he is now getting at school, and therefore we got a TAC set up - which has forced the school to admit he is working at level 3 in most subjects (which has been denied up to this point).
They have made noises about a dyslexia test and an IEP, but these have not been done, and they have taken him out of some lessons and given him 'extra' maths/english (primary school sheets which he is struggling with) but have not got a TA for him, have not got the SEN at school involved. It is an academy school, and they are also saying they won't get in an ed psych as the school won't pay for it - he is not disruptive. They have been saying they are waiting to hear about the ADOS to decide what they will do next, which didn't happen until the end of this school year, so there will be nothing in place for him when he goes back. I cannot describe how much we have been fobbed off, judged and let down during this 8 year process, but the reality is we are still left with a child who is very different from his siblings, has no friends, is highly vulnerable and suggestible, has little empathy and poor social skills, has sensory sensitivities, feels more comfortable around much younger children and is not moving forward at school.
I get it - more than get it - that no one 'cares' besides us, but we cannot continue to support him into young adulthood and beyond without some extra support. The services are not denying that these factors are there, they just don't seem to address them (beyond meeting after meeting) because he is not 'diagnosed'. It appears to us that if he was aggressive at school, we let him wander the streets regardless of the consequences or if we had not bothered trying to supplement his education at home to our utter exhaustion (he has full on meltdowns if all his techniques for avoiding schoolwork don't work - they obviously work at school, but we don't let them work at home - although I guess the meltdowns still get him out of it!) we would have had more help, and earlier help. Maybe.
Anyway, sorry to digress - the psychiatrist has been in touch to say that whilst he has 'autistic traits' it is not enough to diagnose autism, but it is clear he has social and communication issues which she says is SEN, although we have not received her full report yet. She has referred to the Speech and Language service (?) which is health and not education, and once again for safeguarding (he had been punched in the face by another child on the school bus a couple of days before the assessment) but has said now to get him help we need to go to an SEN disability tribunal and to look at IPSEA. What does this mean in reality? How long is this process and what are the choices if you lose? (as I say, regardless of ADOS or SEN assessments he is still struggling! And so are we!) We cannot afford to pay for a solicitor - so what do we do?
We have obviously wanted to change schools - but have been suckered in to the 'wait until the ADOS' as it seemed AS was likely, so we could find a school best suited to his needs, but now we are still no clearer what 'officially' those needs are.
Sorry for the length of this, and yes, I feel a complete failure as a parent but if anyone else has been locked in battles involving these services (Education, CAMHS, social care) who do not seem to communicate effectively with each other please let me know we are not alone in this nightmare.