DD, possible autism and school, please help me.

[Beebatron]

Posting here for advice as I just don't know what to do anymore . DD is 7 and has had trouble settling at her current school since Reception, then with lockdown she was out of school for a long time like lots of DC were but this was made worse by the fact I am CV and had to shield, it was really hard on all of us but she is so young and rarely saw any other children her own age.

Flash forward to last September and she went back to school, she loved her teacher but she was starting to show signs of delay. Her fine motor skills are behind, her writing is not where it should be and she was generally just not settling and began having huge outbursts, screaming, crying, telling the teacher she hates her etc.
She now has a new teacher and last week I was called in to speak to the teacher and Senco who have both told me they believe DD is showing signs of being on the autistic spectrum. They have expressed concern about it before, but I wanted to wait a while after lockdown before having her seen as I was hopeful that she would start to settle when life went 'back to normal'. At home she has a lot of anxiety but displays nothing close to the behaviour they are seeing at school. She is really sociable and incredibly bright but she can be really explosive and nothing I do seems to help.

They have written me a letter to take to my GP which outlines her behaviour and it has completely broken my heart to read it. I don't know what to do, what happens next? Obviously a diagnosis won't be happening for a long time if it happens at all so what will I do in the meantime? She loves her friends but it really seems like school is becoming too much for her, but I think home ed would make it worse. I am concerned the school aren't coping with her either and she is disruptive in class.

I know she is trying her best and has been through a lot, but I feel so ashamed I can't seem to help her manage her emotions and that she is being so disrespectful to the teachers and disrupting her class. I'm also just so confused as she is generally so much happier at home, although her anxiety is really high and she is starting to show signs of school refusal.

Apologies for the long post but I am in absolute bits. I am so anxious every day at the moment and I don't know what to do next. I feel like such a terrible mum.

[AReallyUsefulEngine]

If DD needs more support in school you can apply for an EHCNA yourself, IPSEA have a model letter you can use on their website. What support are the school currently providing?

As well as a referral for an ASD assessment look at an OT referral - in some areas you can self refer. OT would help with the fine motor skills and handwriting, in some areas it will cover sensory OT too. Also look at a SALT referral, again in many areas you can self refer.

[Beebatron]

Thanks that's really helpful. Why do you think the school haven't mentioned this? All they've said is for me to see the GP and given me a letter to take with me.

[AReallyUsefulEngine]

Many schools tell parents their DC doesn’t need or won’t get an EHCP, the reasons why are multifaceted.

In many areas schools can refer for various assessments too, but many tell parents they should get their GP to refer.

[Toomanyminifigs]

I would also say that the letter the school has given you to take to your GP will obviously be focusing on her difficulties rather than her strengths. I have piles of reports about my DS that I really struggle to read as they're all about the negatives. Unfortunately it has to be like that in order for people to see a DC's challenges.

It's all very well for the school to suggest that your DD may benefit from an ASD assessment but that is a years-long process now unfortunately. As AReallyUsefulEngine has said, what is the school suggesting they do to help support your DD? They have a duty to do this, with or without a diagnosis.

Ipsea has some useful info:

www.ipsea.org.uk/Pages/Category/how-should-your-nursery-school-or-college-help

Please don't feel 'ashamed'. All of us are muddling through the best way we can. It's a huge learning curve and it sounds like you're a really great parent.

[Leaf1216]

@Beebatron be kind to yourself, sounds like you've had alot of information to take it recently. Sounds like your very supportive of getting your dd needs met, which is great for your dd.

I would ask the school what they plan to do to support her?

Just for ideas: I meet with teachers once a year to update ds needs. For my ds he needs to be heard, needs help to understand emotions and social situations. (Social stories have helped). He has a quiet corner if the classroom gets to much. He has picture board to show what is happening that day as he gets very anxious if he doesn't know. My son is behind academicly also autistic, sensory disorder, global developmental delay. (Still waiting for official diagnosis of autism, 3year waiting list here).

Maybe the school are expecting to much of her with little support? I'd ask to meet the senco for appropriate measures to be put in place.
Hope your doing ok today.

[Beebatron]

Thank you all for being so nice, its so appreciated. Yes my issue is that the school have put a lot of urgency on my taking her to the GP to be assessed but this could very well take years, and there doesn't seem much of a plan about what to do in the mean time. I'm grateful they are being supportive re a diagnosis etc but I'm not sure what to do in the interim if its as bad as they said in the letter. DD said she got given some sensory headphones this week though which she seems to really like and says it helps her concentration, so that's something.

I think she would really benefit from an area in the classroom she could go to be alone when she's overwhelmed but not sure how to approach the teacher about this, she has a lot of experience with sen children and I don't want to seem like I'm telling her how to do her job iyswim?

DD didn't cry and scream about going in today so that's a small victory.

[AReallyUsefulEngine]

A meeting with the SENCO is a good idea. The school should be supporting DD’s needs without a diagnosis, support in school isn’t based on diagnosis but needs. If ear defenders are the extent of the support school are currently providing they could do more. And as I posted you can apply for an EHCNA.

[Leaf1216]

You could approach the senco and say you've had a think about what ds does to cope at home that he might not have at school at give examples, like a quiet corner? Or ask what the process is with the school in terms of statements/support. Maybe trigger off a conversation and see how far you can take it.

Great news on the small victory, we like small victories here!