A routine that will benefit us all and....do you parents feel despair and guilt at times?

[muminaspin85]

My oldest son, age 8, has slow processing, dyslexia, Inattentive Type ADHD and ASD. My younger son, age 6, shows some features of ADHD (daydreaming, impulsivity, lacks emotional regulation).

I am going to have a break from working outside of the home for a year or more, reducing my hours and being around for my sons before and after school every day. We are also moving from a busy suburban area in the SE to the rural Midlands. Currently finding the right school for their needs that has spaces for us to transfer to.

What type of routine shall I build? I think I am going to allow TV for an hour three weekdays, one weekend day and one family movie at the weekend. Half an hour or so tablet time each day for h.w. apps and nessy dyslexia app. Maybe an hour of tablet at weekend after h.w. done etc.

I find we can fall into a trap of lots of TV which then falls into huge difficulties for both children re. emotional regulation.

I want to encourage lots of outside time and time playing. Again, since Covid our default is TV. 😔 I'm just not the parent I wish I could be. I'm often bone tired, low mood and barely looks after myself properly.

Essentially I need to get up at about 5am each day to get myself ready before they wake (early risers/difficult sleepers). I'd have a bit of quiet to myself, get dressed and put my make up on because these things make me feel better about myself. I hate to be facing the "tough stuff" looking haggard, vain and superficial but if it helps..... Then I'd be up and ready to intercept TV watching in the mornings and be able to oversee a good morning routine (I need to help them through every single step, they very rarely get ready on their own at all) and then the homework in the evenings needs all of my effort and focus per child.

I want to not default to unhealthy snacks and make sure they have good meals with protein and no junk every single day. I hope these things may have some benefits long term? Now and then we have a take away pizza or Mc D and I feel these things have a terrible effect on their behaviour.

Do any of you wonder why your kids have these challenges? I always wonder if I haven't been the best mum (I've only ever been good enough and I'm sure sometimes not very good at all) I defaulted to loads of TV in the pandemic in order to keep them quiet whilst I worked. I've fallen in to depression too and tried my best but perhaps it hasn't been good enough. Find it all so hard and am slowly coming to terms that our version of success and progess isn't going to be the typical one. I don't know WHAT it is going to be and I find that very hard to deal with. I feel guilty, ashamed etc. I want to be a mum who does her best with the hand we have been dealt.

Does anyone else feel the same?

You sound like you're being very thoughtful and trying really hard.
I've ended up with a teenager with almost constant gaming and far too much junk food, so if you can regulate that more when they're younger, great! My son was told gaming was good for people with adhd so he feels totally vindicated in playing! I do think images I had of a child doing a jigsaw or colouring in just weren't helpful with my son, though I did not at the time know about the adhd. They need a release of some kind.

@Badlifeday thank you for your response. You are so right about the jigsaws/colouring thing ; it sort of implies something a bit better doesn't it. And compounds the guilt when you can't get it done/kids only want to do something in front of a screen.

In some ways I am still lucky that I can get the kids out in the garden and playing. We are moving to a village and will have a bigger garden which I hope means I can tap into my older sons love of animal care with a couple of rabbits or chickens that he can help me with. But yes....gaming has its place of course. My younger son gets very grumpy or even aggressive after just half an hour TV or tablet time. So it's probably more him that would benefit. He does enjoy colouring and does jigsaws....my eldest doesn't.

Sometimes I wonder if I had not used the TV from when they were toddlers would we be in this situation now? I know we would of course but I always blame myself for his SEN (me working and not being there all the time, TV when little and WAY TOO MUCH TV during pandemic, not enough physical activity?)

I'm sorry you've had so little response - this section is a bit dead I think. You could always repost in Chat.
I think habits are something we have control over, but we do not control things like dyslexia or ADHD which often run in families - no point beating yourself up over that!
I think motherhood can be a state of perpetual guilt. I'm trying not to let it be like that, but to enjoy as much as I can as our time with them is pretty short after all.
I hope your move to the country goes well for you but don't be surprised to still have some rough days they will always be there.