School refusal anxiety question

[usernametwopointO]

DS anxiety is at the point he's refusing to go to school sometimes due to issues at school which I am on and fighting to sort out. I've been taking him in late on refusal days as he does come around in the end with a slow gentle process of getting ready one step at a time in a very calm way (awaiting austim assessment)
But should I be encouraging him to a place he so obviously hates
I'm looking at all avenues different schools etc I am being very proactive in sorting this and just today filled in my own EHCP LA forms for assessment.
My worry is that I feel like sending him off to a place that he hates will have a detrimental effect? He will go sometimes when he has a club that day he enjoys or something is going on like tomorrow is Red Nose Day, he hates school in general but there are some days he will go without a fuss, it's so confusing to know what's the right thing to do

Sorry I posted on the wrong thread.

To answer your thread, I think there is a balance. To a certain extent you have to push but there comes a point where continuing to push is detrimental. I think your slow gentle start getting in late is the right compromise (obviously based on the little information posted here). The tipping point may be if DS’s anxiety continued to escalate with your gentle start rather than coming round to being able to go in late.

If DS cannot attend school due to his mental health the LA have a statutory duty to provide alternative education under s.19, the Education Act 1996. This provision should begin once it becomes clear DS will miss 15 days. The 15 days don’t need to have already been missed, and in ongoing conditions the days can be cumulative rather than consecutive.

Can your Ds tell you what it is about school he finds so difficult? My Ds has ASD. When he was at primary, he was allowed to come in a different entrance as he found it too overwhelming and chaotic in the main playground at drop off time.
He found playtimes very difficult so various support was put in place for him there. Likewise we discovered that he struggled with assembly and the lunch hall due to noise so he was sometimes taken out or he wore his ear defenders.

Have you spoken to his class teacher/Senco? Admittedly some schools are better than others at offering proactive support with these things.

How old is your Ds?

My Ds finds school difficult and if it was up to him, he'd stay at home (he loved homeschool). I could easily have him at home and some days I feel like the 'mean mum' sending him in. For me, it's a case of weighing up the benefits he gets from being at school and his mental health. If I ever feel it's 'tipping' too far in that direction then I would start looking at alternatives.

You say you're applying for an EHCP needs assessment. As part of the process, start keeping a diary/log of when/why he's struggling to access school. This can be submitted as part of your evidence. That's what I did.