DS severely lacking social skills

[ilove8pm]

this is my first go at posting on mn, please forgive any errors! I am just looking for any views or guidance you can offer re my ds age 5. Since starting school (he is now in his second year) ds has been struggling very badly with the social aspect of it all. His teacher is pleased with his work in class and his progress, but he cannot manage play times or anything which involves social interaction. It seems to be getting worse with time. His reluctance to attend school is now resembling school phobia. Ds always says he cant bear social times but loves doing work in class.
Having just returned from a class gathering I am feeling really sad and worried. I watched DS tonight and he just does not know how to interact with others, like he isnt picking up on nuances in play and comes across as a bit odd. In turn his playmates spent the whole afternoon telling tales on him, telling him to come and sit with me, basically pushing him away.

From my brief description it may not sound severe, but it really is. I feel like something just doesnt add up and at the moment am desperate to help him. I wonder if it is a medically based issue or not.Does it ring bells with any parents reading it? Thanks for reading this long message, happy new year to you all p.s sorry if this wasnt most suitable place to post this.

Oops, sorry name change - tis me PB!

Ah Buckets what a lovely person to have around your dc, he sounds like a smashing grandparent. lol Niecie about the accountants!
It is definitely fascnating when you start to think about people you know with certain symptoms.
Starting to feel nervous as another new term approaches.. has anyone here experienced short term home schooling a child with sen? the thought of dragging my ds in on monday morning is more than I can stand! Ive been reading on the home schooling sections here today which have lots of great advice but I wonder if it really applies to kids with sen? any views? maybe for a child who cannot handle socialising it would be helpful, but then again maybe its counter productive for them because they wont learn how to cope with it? hmm but then that seems a bit brutal tbh...

IIlove8pm, I am certainly considering Home Ed for my DS (autistic) as I too find the stress of taking him into school is starting to weigh down on me and him, plus there are all sorts of other ways of getting socialisation (eg I take DS to a gym club, which has been totally welcoming though I do stay with him and act as this TA). I know that school is important in lots of ways, but really it's about learning how to survive peer pressure, group politics, large group dynamics etc. Not sure how relevant that will turn out to be for DS. At the moment I just feel like the school side gives a load of ignorant, patronising people a chance to poke their nose in on DS's education. Frankly, I feel like I know more about autism than any of them ever will. They trot out the same banale two or three truisms about autism("they learn visually, they have sensory needs, they need to use a visual timetable to calm their anxiety") and have absolutely no notion that it's a spectrum disorder and therefore one size does not fit all. Of course the trouble is the money. We get a contribution from the LEA for our ABA home tutors at present, on the grounds that he is also going to mainstream and they're hoping eventually to phase out the home program. If we duck out of school, they may try and take away their contribution, meaning legal action. On my better days, I think I can teach DS better than most of these schmucks (eg I am slowly slowly slowly teaching him his letters via the jolly phonics video, whereas his class teacher pretty much told me she hasn't spent any time with him at all last term, and doesn't really like to anyway as she is "scared" of him. Fabulous, huh!)_. Oh, I don't know, just ranting. But I like what I read about home ed, and you can get family and grandparents involved in different skills which sounds good.

I do agree aquariusmum. HE sounds wonderful, I can imagine the stress disappearing from my DS little shoulders immediately, but think maybe I am running before I even walk. I need to get him assessed and weigh up finances etc. But oh, it is such a wonderful wonderful idea. I am really sorry to hear about you ds's teacher's attitude towards him, how unsupportive and obstructive of her.

and another thought....
organisations such as the one i work for and all affiliated to the national autistic society, do "outreach" services which support children with ASD (especially aspies) in mainstream schools.
go for it and head for mumsnet when you need some more support!!
good luck

A very comprehensive thread. Can I just bring in an (undestandably) overlooked dimension? This is the (positive) implication of a diagnosis for your child in the future. Someone who has Asperger's and KNOWS they have Asperger's is in a much better position, compared to someone who has Asperger's but does not know it.

Hello, I wondered if I could ask your advice.
I have a very good friend who has confided to us that her ds has AS. Can you tell me from your experience what things you would like other mums to be aware of when you are on a playdate? Is there anything another mum has done to intervene in a tricky situation which you felt was really helpful? Thank you for your invaluable insight.