School is uncommunicative and secretive, ignoring me. How do you cope?

[twitterusername]

DS has EHCP and in a Special School.

Bite or pinch marks.

DS was very unhappy at school and ill. DH and I never allow shouting and bad behaviour to escalate (we sort the problem and make everything ok ASAP).

We have seen self-injuring behaviour in the past and know it happened in school from a report, although never discussed with us parents or even on Class Dojo. Surprised that it was pointed out to us by ASD Specialist School during an interview as self-harming. PALMS explained to me it is self-injuring.

It does not help that school is uncommunicative and secretive, ignoring me. I have issued an SAR so that I can find out more. DS needs a setting that can cope with his behaviour.

I look forward to hearing from you.

We are not even discussing it in CIN meetings dated 14/12/21 and 31/1/22.

I am so disappointed. Is this what they mean by "systemic failure" in the media?

Self injurious behaviour and self harming are used interchangeably.

This was their response:

It would seem that DS's behaviours whilst in school from the time period mentioned would not have resulted in the bruising shown in your photographs.

As discussed during recent CIN meetings, we share concerns about DS's time out in the community unsupervised. We know that this has greatly reduced recently, however was more of a concern in previous months. I know that you have been engaging with work from PALMS to support around this as well as receiving carer support to structure his evenings.

I am mindful that we have discussed the extreme language that DS can come out with when he is in a heightened state. We shared a view that this may, unfortunately, have been picked up from his time outside of the house and in the community when alone. I believe we jointly came to this conclusion as DS will not have been picking this language up from home, nor from school.

Reflecting on times when DS has spent time unsupervised in the community, especially if we think that members of the public may have been verbally abusive towards DS, do you think there is the possibility that he may have been pushed or similar whilst out? I ask this due to the nature of the bruising shown in the photographs you sent, which to my eyes, look like possible fingertip prints in the first image. This would not have been caused by interaction with staff, nor does it look overly like marking which DS can have caused to himself.

What do you think?

It is impossible to comment. You would get more useful help if you posted the whole story in one thread.

I was wondering what was happening, especially at school as it is silent. Is it like mainstream when DS got hurt nobody saw anything, as happens to a lot of our SEND community? (I know this from our support groups.) This whole scenario has dragged on since 29/11/21, it is 2/2/22. I have had to push for answers with no luck. It's becoming suspicious. We have not seen anything like it before 25/11/21 when DS was in school or since. We don't know how it happened, could he have been bitten by another child?

We have seen self-injuring behaviour in the past and know it happened in school from a report, although never discussed with us parents or even on Class Dojo. Surprised that it was pointed out to us by ASD Specialist School during an interview as self-harming. PALMS explained to me it is self-injuring.

I know from a support group these incidences must be documented. We would like copies please. I have seen self-injuring noted on The School website but I don't know the system of letting us parents know about it. It makes me sad that he is so distressed at school as we de-escalate ASAP so that it does not happen with us. Today he came home furious, denting my car again and trying to smash our mirrors so I asked him if he wanted a bubble bath to calm down, which worked.

It does not help that school is uncommunicative and secretive, ignoring me. I have issued an SAR so that I can find out more. DS needs a setting that can cope with his behaviour.

I am just waiting for the SAR document now.

This was their response:

As you say, I had intended to get back to you at the end of November and did not until yesterday for which I apologise. This is my own fault, for which I apologise again.

You have written that you were "wondering what was happening, especially at school as it is silent." However, I understand that you have communication from class staff via Class Dojo. I am unclear as to what you mean by you having "had to push for answers with no luck." I have now responded to this issue which you have raised with me. I am also not clear what you mean by "It's becoming suspicious.".

You say "We have not seen anything like it before 25/11/21 when DS was in school or since." This reassures me that you agree DS is not coming home with bruising after having been in school. "We don't know how it happened, could he have been bitten by another child?" From the looks of the photos, I wouldn't think they are the result of biting. I do not believe that an interaction between DS and a peer which resulted in bruising would have gone unnoticed. As mentioned previously, I am interested as to your thoughts whether these may have come from his unsupervised outings in the community.

You note that at home you de-escalate heightened behaviours quickly, which we as we also endeavour to do. Please could you share some examples of what you have found to be effective strategies? It is a shame to hear that he has dented your car and attempted to break mirrors, however I am glad that the bubble bath helped him to regulate. As you mention, there is information regarding self-injury on the federation's website; this is an information section.

At this precise moment, I do not know the exact reference to the head banging behaviours from the EHCP Review report you have attached. I will be seeking further clarification around this. Would you like to arrange a time to discuss this specific reference with me before half term, or would you like to discuss it at the recently arranged CIN Review which is scheduled for 23/02? I am unable to comment on your engagement with ASD Specialist School as our school has not been party to this.

You have put that "school is uncommunicative and secretive, ignoring me.". On the contrary, I would remind you that a CIN Review meeting was recently brought forward at my suggestion to ensure you felt heard and supported. I understand that you have made a Subject Access Request (SAR) which will be responded to in due course.

I know that we all share the same wish for DS to have the best support to help him fulfil his potential. We are, as ever, keen to work collaboratively with you on this.

They are avoiding any mention that they investigated (or didn't) the self injury. I don't believe they did. I think it happened in school but can't say so to them because I actually can't prove anything/know.

The class teacher has not been in for a week and only TA's covering. Should they be covering with someone of similar qualifications?

Should there be an official procedure to self injury?

What do you think?

This has been my correspondence with the school. How long has Mr Lovely been off school is there a replacement teacher?
Dear Mrs Twitterusername

Further to your message on Class Dojo, Mr Lovely has unfortunately been sick for over a week but we are pleased to say that it is not Covid related. Miss Lovely is leading the class together with Mrs Heart and Ms Kind.

Kind regards, , Head of The Special School
Dear Head, only TA's covering? Should there be covering with someone of similar qualifications as Mr Lovely?
Thank you for your message. The good news is that Miss Lovely is our Cover Teacher for Upper School. It is fortunate that she is in there to cover Mr Lovely whilst he is unwell as this also gives consistency to the children and is helpful that she knows the individual needs and behaviours of DS. Have a good evening. Kind regards, , Head of The Special School
Dear Head, so she has similar qualifications as Mr Lovely and EHCP's can be met?
Good morning. Miss Lovely has several years of experience of the teaching and learning of Year 11s and is fully aware of the needs of DSs EHCP. It is currently a struggle for lots of schools to stay open and I am aware that face to face teaching is the priority. We are hoping Mr Lovely will be well for Monday. Thank you for your kind understanding. Head

What do you think?

I think your relationship with the school has irrevocably broken down. I can see why professionals have concerns about DS being in the community independently. Using cover supervisors is common practice and picking at that makes your other communications weaker.

We were hoping to get help from Autism Accredited school for years now rather than us having to Google and be supported by support groups and another Autistic Specialist School. You have years of experience and had had hundreds of people on your caseload. Could you have learnt from the experience to help us? County are obviously going to use the "he was out unsupervised" thing. The wording they are using is so typical of schools. Fact is "he was out unsupervised" for years, I am really disappointed I find myself in this situation.

relationship with the school broke down when they shortened the school day by half an hour seven years ago.

You would get more useful help if you posted the whole story in one thread.

Trouble is I don't know what the whole story (how to tell it) is I am sure I have communication difficulties which is one of the triads of impairments. One of my problems is taking things personally because I just can't see it. It was pointed out to me by my husband. I am like Brownian motion bouncing off all the points made, using other support groups too to answer questions for me and raising others as well as emails from all the various people I am involved with. My posts are often turned down because people don't know what I am asking. It's all very complicated but this is how I have got through the SEN maze.