Nursery excluding DS and not supporting him

[Mariammah]

My DS is 3 and has recently started nursery. At the start of the pandemic he was 1, and I couldn’t afford to pay for nursery and everything else was closed, so he was at home alone with me for 18 months until he became entitled to free nursery at age 3. No other kids to play with because I don’t have any friends or neighbours with kids.

Nursery is now saying he has social difficulties. He doesn’t talk to the other kids, he doesn’t listen, he plays on his own, he doesn’t want to sit in a group and participate in songs or stories. He interacts mainly by pushing kids or roaring like a dinosaur. He takes no notice when they tell him off or tell him not to do certain things. They said they’re unsure if he has autism or it’s just a result of social isolation during the pandemic.

Nursery asked to switch him to different days when they had less kids in, so they could give him more individual support. So I agreed. I’ve since found out that his key worker is not present on one of those days. The nursery is now boasting on Facebook that they’ve taken kids on loads of trips out to the museum, beach, library, petting zoo, etc. My child hasn’t been on any of these trips. Now I’m wondering if they switched him to different days to avoid taking him out? I’m feeling excluded and discriminated against.

When I collected him on Friday he had muddy trousers and his wellies were on the wrong feet. The nursery worker said “we told him they were on the wrong feet!” and that’s obviously why he fell over and got covered in mud. They knew he had them on the wrong feet so AIBU to think they could have just swapped them for his comfort? I’m worried what else they’re not helping him with.

Also on Friday the nursery worker announced to me in an annoyed voice that my DS was naughty and wouldn’t do as he was told this afternoon, he wouldn’t sit still to listen to a story, he was just running around and climbing on the table. I said ok, we’ve discussed the fact that he has difficulties so what actions did you take today to address this? She said “we told him to sit down but he wouldn’t”. Personally I don’t think that’s sufficient. Her face looked like she was sucking a lemon and her attitude was like she was dobbing in a naughty child and expecting me to address it.

I should also say that they’ve only put notes on the app on two occasions since September. When I questioned this they said they have loads of extra work to do because of Covid so they don’t have time to update the app. Again I don’t think this is acceptable. Is it reasonable to report them because they aren’t updating the app?

I’ve requested a meeting with them later this week. Any advice on how to proceed would be appreciated.

I should have said, since they switched him to different days he’s become hysterical at drop-off and is clinging to me and screaming. If I force him to go inside he settles within ten minutes, but he constantly says he doesn’t want to go to nursery because he wants to stay at home with me. Obviously separation anxiety but it seems odd that it’s happened so suddenly and at the same time that his days changed.

What type of nursery is this?

Have you spoken to the GP/HV about a referral to a community paediatrician or CAMHS, depending on who undertakes assessments in your area? In some areas you can self refer to SALT, OT, CAMHS, check whether you can.

Have the nursery put in place any SEN support? Have they asked for the area SENCO’s input? If they need more funding to provide support have they applied for early years inclusion funding?

If DS’s needs cannot be met in nursery using existing resources you can apply for an EHCP. You can do this yourself. Have a look at IPSEA and SOSSEN’s websites.

A normal nursery where you send your kids for childcare 🤷‍♀️

No I haven’t spoken to the GP. And I haven’t heard from the HV for nearly three years, they don’t seem bothered any more. The nursery just said they wanted to switch DS to less busy days so they could give him more support because the adult-child ratio was less on those days. They haven’t mentioned any SEN support or funding.

My main concern at this point is they’re obviously excluding him from field trips and he’s hysterical every day when I drop him off. And they aren’t even helping him with simple things like putting his wellies on the correct feet. I was willing to switch him to different days so they could help him more but he isn’t actually getting any additional help by the look of it.

When I asked what type of nursery, I meant for example is the nursery a private nursery, a nursery attached to a state school, a pre-prep nursery, a nursery at a children’s centre… Some types of nursery’s are better at supporting those with additional needs than others.

If the nursery think DS may have additional needs you should ask the GP or HV (you can make contact with them, they won’t contact you at this point) for an onwards referral, and see if you can self refer to any services.

Ask the nursery what SEN support they are/plan on giving.

Make sure you take minutes at the meeting and follow up with an email so you have a paper trail of evidence should you require it at a later date.

It’s an independent nursery. Not attached to a school or anything. None of the schools around here have nurseries, they’re all independent.

.

This is unacceptable. If nursery have concerns they need a Sen plan for him and to contact local authority for support. Can you speak to their senco? If you have concerns speak to gp or hv. With regards to how they manage behaviour they need to be supporting him not punishing him if speak to manager about concerns. Quieter days does make sense but he should have a different key worker if his is off and you should both know who it is. Also the shoes is terrible I would not expect a three year old to automatically understand what to do in that situation anyone would just switch shoes over. That's really slack. It might be worth considering moving him. But if u visit other settings be upfront about his needs and ask how they would manage him.

Oh forgot to say calling him 'naughty' I'd be annoyed at their attitude.
When you go in be calm stick to facts and explain concerns. I wouldn't mention outings they will only deny it. If he can't manage sitting for story then by expecting him to sit they are setting him up for failure and then telling him off and you to boot!

@Imitatingdory

What type of nursery is this?

Have you spoken to the GP/HV about a referral to a community paediatrician or CAMHS, depending on who undertakes assessments in your area? In some areas you can self refer to SALT, OT, CAMHS, check whether you can.

Have the nursery put in place any SEN support? Have they asked for the area SENCO’s input? If they need more funding to provide support have they applied for early years inclusion funding?

If DS’s needs cannot be met in nursery using existing resources you can apply for an EHCP. You can do this yourself. Have a look at IPSEA and SOSSEN’s websites.

She can technically apply but it's better if it's in partnership with school/nursery although that's not always feasible

Of course it’s better to apply with the settings support, but if they aren’t supportive of applying for an EHCNA, as many aren’t, it is possible to successfully apply yourself. Many settings often tell parents their child doesn’t need or won’t get an EHCP, but the parents successfully apply themselves. Case law shows it is possible to secure an EHCNA if the school could do more, but won’t.

@Imitatingdory

Of course it’s better to apply with the settings support, but if they aren’t supportive of applying for an EHCNA, as many aren’t, it is possible to successfully apply yourself. Many settings often tell parents their child doesn’t need or won’t get an EHCP, but the parents successfully apply themselves. Case law shows it is possible to secure an EHCNA if the school could do more, but won’t.

Fair point. Sorry 😊