Dd excluded

[Atypicaldancer]

Dd, 15, has a fixed term exclusion for swearing at a teacher today. We’ve previously been asked to pick her up because of her behaviour at school - running away, hiding, etc but this is the first formal exclusion.

She was no problem at school until last year when she started avoiding school and had a lot of absences. She took an overdose and self harmed.

She was seen by CAMHS and and then a private psychiatrist. After autism was suggested as a possibility, I have paid for a private ASD and ADHD assessment but haven’t got the results yet. I’m also on the nhs waiting list.

This year we’ve had her sending nasty messages to other students - normally girls she’s fallen out with. She has no impulse control and poor emotional regulation.

I’m a mess and not coping at work. I had to leave to pick her up today and couldn’t stop crying. I’m worried about my job and I’m worried about her and I don’t know what to do.

I don't have much advice but didn't want to read and run. What does the school suggest? The first thing I'd do would be to ask her teachers for help.

Sorry hopefully someone will coke along with better advice.

Have you had a meeting with the Senco at her school about strategies or support they can put in place given her possible diagnosis? That might be helpful

I’ve asked to speak with the SENCO and still had no reply. She does have a separate room she can work in. I’ve asked about an EHCP but they haven’t been particularly supportive about the possibility of her getting one without a diagnosis and given that she’s in Year 11.

The last meeting with school it seemed like they had no idea what to do.

I feel so worried about her and my own mental health is slipping.

The school are illegally excluding DD, in future don’t pick DD up early unless you are given formal exclusion paperwork.

Apply for an EHCP yourself, IPSEA have a model letter you can use. You can get an EHCP without a diagnosis. The threshold for an EHCNA is relatively low - a) has or may have SEN, and b) may need SEN provision to be made via an EHCP. Don’t listen to the school putting you off, many parents are told by their school their child won’t get one but go on to successfully apply themselves. If it also possible to get on in Y11, or even later. There are parents (including some on MN) who have successfully applied when their DC have finished Y11. If you ask for your thread to be moved to the SN section or start another thread there’s some knowledgeable posters who can help.

Make sure you follow up verbal conversations with the school with emails so you have a paper trail as evidence.

Thank you - that’s really helpful. She does have SEND and she is not coping.

First and foremost please look after yourself. Do whatever you need to to try and stay well. Seek help from your GP and see if counselling is available. If you are well you're more likely to cope better. I do not mean this in any patronising way, I speak from experience.

Secondly go to the school, request a meeting with pastoral lead, SEN lead etc and see if you can make a plan.

Thirdly I would try and find what, if anything has triggered her deterioration.

Also see if you're eligible for a carers assessment and let your employers know your daughter is unwell and needs support and you'd be happy to flexi your hours if possible. If necessary ask your GP to sign you off work.

I hope you get the answers you need, our young people are being failed and in my experience you have to keep making your voice heard.

Good luck.

They have only excluded her for one day but won’t allow her back in until we’ve attended the reintegration meeting. Because of her need for control, Dd will only attend with me. I’m a teacher and I already had to rush out of school Friday to pick her up and it’s really difficult for me to get time off at short notice. So effectively that is extending her exclusion. She often avoids school anyway - but I just feel so overwhelmed.

I don’t think that is legal. Perhaps @admission or @prh47bridge can confirm?

When you say DD often avoids school anyway, do you mean she doesn’t attend? If so, the LA have a statutory duty to provide alternative education.

You can ask for a carers assessment, you don’t need a diagnosis for that either. And you can ask for an assessment from the disabled children’s team for DD, again no diagnosis required.

She doesn’t attend often. She attended half a day on Thursday and then was in for an hour on Friday before being sent home for swearing.

I’m going to ask for a carer’s assessment. I do need help with Dd. She only eats certain foods, has a high need for control, has regular meltdowns and I do have to supervise her taking medication etc.

I did think that may not be legal.

Do apply for an EHCNA.

In the meantime if DD cannot attend school the LA have a statutory duty to provide alternative education once it becomes clear the pupil will be absent for 15 days. For ongoing conditions this does not need to be consecutive, the days can be cumulative. If your LA are refusing threaten to begin Judicial Review proceedings, and contact SOSSEN for help with a pre-action letter. The LGO also take a very dim view of LAs not providing alternative provision.

Have you looked at PDA?

If you need time off to regroup have you considered asking for parental leave? It’s unpaid, but as DD is disabled you can take individual days.

Have a look at ARFID for DD’s restricted diet, can be a comorbidity of ASD.

It is unlawful to exclude a pupil for failing to attend a reintegration meeting. The original exclusion was fine, but the school's refusal to allow your daughter back until she has attended a reintegration meeting is unlawful.

I don’t know how best to approach this with school. I am uncomfortable with how they have dealt with dd’s needs.

Thank you for confirming what I thought, prh47bridge.

OP I think you have to be fairly blunt and let the school know in writing you know they are acting unlawfully by refusing to allow her to attend until after a reintegration meeting is unlawful.

Simultaneously, apply for an EHCP and also request medical needs tuition.

I will need school support for medical needs tuition and I haven’t found them helpful so far - but I will request that.

You don’t need the school’s support for medical needs tuition, although it helps. It is the LA who are responsible for providing education to those unable to attend school, not the school themselves. Write to the Director of Children’s Services to request it directly. If they refuse complain and threaten Judicial Review, asking SOSSEN for help with a pre-action letter and complaining to the LGO if necessary.

I’ve just re read the email. It says the head would ‘like’ Dd to stay home until after the meeting.

I’ve been reading about PDA. It sounds exactly like Dd. It could have been written about her.