Advice needed - DS9 getting 'stuck' in class

[ballroompink]

DS9 is on the waiting list for assessment for ASD; he also shows a lot of ADHD traits and is a big sensory seeker. He is a bright boy, consistently hits all targets at school, but he has major confidence issues which are starting to impact a lot now he is in Y5 and the level of work has stepped up.

Recently he has come home from school in tears/ragey quite a bit as during English, they have been set tasks on creative writing. He's actually really creative and can write brilliant stories etc. but he gets stressed and 'stuck' on the planning stage of work. If he can't think how to start he gets more and more worked up and upset and will spend the whole lesson staring at his workbook but writing nothing. His teacher will give limited help and is trying to encourage him to be more independent but he often feels like he wants constant adult input to enable him to get started on a task. He's the same in art if he is unhappy with his work - he would rather throw it in the bin or rub it all out and just sit there. Last week in science he kept spelling a word wrong and wouldn't go any further with his work; he just sat there writing and rewriting it and getting more upset.

This is making him very miserable and tbh I am concerned about how best to approach it. To top it all off, if they don't finish work during the lesson they often have to miss some of their playtime or lunch break in order to get it done. He is getting himself very worried over the thought of missing break times. He often talks about how he finds it really hard to concentrate and get on with what he's doing as there are so many other children around him. I'm not ok with him having to miss his breaks especially as he needs regular physical activity.

Has anyone else had a similar issue with DCs with similar SEN? What has been helpful? I want to talk to his teacher about it as right now, things are not great and he is often very unhappy after school. It's such a shame to see this. I am also looking in to a tutor who could help him with his confidence as this seems to be a massive blockage.

Hi ballroompink; I can’t offer much advice, but I can offer sympathy as my son did have a few episodes like this. We tried to focus on building his confidence, which eventually lead to him being able to work through the “black holes” of concentration and frustration. I really hope you manage to help him navigate his way through it - it sounds so frustrating and upsetting for all involved.

My Ds is 12 and has an ASD diagnosis. The issue around starting tasks in lessons is very common - my Ds does this all the time. As you have identified, the issue becomes more obvious the higher up the school they go as children are expected to become more independent.

My Ds would often get himself so worked up about not knowing where to start on a task he would get literally nothing done in a lesson. Which would then provoke a massive meltdown that he would 'get into trouble' for not doing his work. It is exhausting to be honest.

My Ds now has a checklist . It says things like:

1. Write the date
2. Write out the learning objective
3. Think about what I need to do
4. Look at what I need to do
5. Look at my notes
6. Ask a buddy
7. Ask the teacher

The idea is that he could tick them off one by one so that his default wasn't to just go into panic mode.

Sometimes a task would be too complicated for my DS to know where to start so it needs to be broken down into more simple steps. Or to tailor a task if he's really struggling. (My Ds could never write a 'diary entry' as someone else. He literally cannot imagine himself as another person. So he would be allowed to write a newspaper article as it was 'fact' based - IYSWIM.)

If your Ds is struggling without adult support at this stage then you should be speaking to the school Senco. It is not acceptable for Ds to be missing playtime if they don't finish work. I had to pull my Ds's school up about this and I quoted the Equalities Act at them. It sounds like the school should be putting support in place for your Ds now. Hopefully they will be supportive but if not, do post back here as there are helpful and knowledgeable people on this board.

Ipsea and SOS!SEN are also good but can be hard to get hold of. The Ipsea website has some great advice as a starting point.

Thank you. I have spoken to school about the missing of breaks and they have agreed that they will stop doing this and that if he does have stuff he really needs to finish, he can bring it home with him. He has also just had his first session with a maths tutor who is going to help with building his confidence.

To be honest this past week or so I am more worried about his emotional state and how he is taking this out on other children. We have had two incidents this week - one where he became angry in class and when asked to leave the room, he pushed his chair back hard and it hit another pupil - and then a second where he kicked a child who he said was being horrible to him. There have been a few things like this recently and we have talked to him so many times about making the right choices when he feels angry or upset, but he seems to be in this mindset that other children are 'constantly annoying him" and he therefore can't help how he reacts towards them. School have identified a couple of members of staff that he needs to check in with at breaktimes so they can try and stop things from escalating if he feels upset about something. It seems like despite knowing he can go to an adult with his worries, he lets them fester and gets more and more angry, then snaps. This really worries me to be honest.