Might this be ADHD?

[Absolutechaos]

DD16 thinks she has ADHD (based on online quizzes, which I take with a pinch of salt!). No concerns have been raised by her school but her elder sister is currently being assessed for ASD which was also completely missed by school so I don't have a lot of faith in that process.

DD does well at school (all A/A star at GCSE) and doesn't seem to have social issues or special interests so I don't think she has ASD. However she is incredibly disorganised and messy at home (seems to cope with school though), has a very short fuse (but recovers quickly), has a lot of trouble sleeping/switching off, has a lot of sensory issues, has an incredibly restricted diet (goes beyond "fussy" and she genuinely can't eat a lot of stuff), her handwriting is almost illegible, she can focus but also daydreams a lot, she needs a lot of down time and she has been assessed with slow processing. She also lacks confidence in her abilities and is very fidgety. She is very impulsive and struggles to save money etc.

She is fairly popular at school (with students and teachers) and doesn't have any behavioural issues.

It's so hard to know how much of this is typical teenager and what might be potential ND. I realise the internet can't diagnose for me but I'd love to hear people's views so I don't make a fool of myself raising it again with her school.

What is the best way to start an assessment process? Via the GP or school?

Why does someone with those traits have to be 'neurodiverse'? Can we not all have different strengths and weaknesses? Why does anyone who doesn't fit the perfect cookie cutter model of a person need a label to 'explain' why they might be different?

I have pretty much all of those personality traits and I don't see why I need a label. It's just me. Like your daughter is just herself. We are all different.

@missbunnyrabbit thanks for sharing your opinion but it's not what I actually asked for comments on. Not that it's any of your business but some of the things I listed have a significant negative impact on her and she has asked for help. I'm just looking for advice on how to narrow down what help I should be asking for and how to get it.

If DD thinks she has ADHD I would pursue an assessment, especially since her sibling is being assessed for ASD. Too many girls and women are missed and their MH suffers as a result. Also look at ARFID with her eating. I would approach both the school and the GP. Depending on your area you might be able to self refer.

missbunnyrabbit a diagnosis is not a label. Would you describe any other type of disability as a 'label'? Someone might want a diagnosis for a variety of reasons. For instance for a greater understanding of themselves or so others can understand them better, to access medication or other support...

Mother of 2 with opposing ADHD disgnosis here. I'd say no.

All can run alongside ADHD but all stand alone

daydreaming but acheiving good results without medication is not ADHD
daydreaming and not being able to harness her intelligence in school is
handwriting could be linked to slow processing, which why a SLD is not a disability in itself

There are plenty of high achieving girls and women who go on to be diagnosed so good academic performance doesn't rule out ADHD.

OP in some areas you can self refer to OT for a sensory assessment, it's worth checking whether you can.

Thank you @Imitatingdory and @AdultingAvoidance for taking the time to respond. It's very helpful. I'll speak to the school again.

Updating just in case anyone is randomly searching for information like I was last year!

DD was diagnosed with ADHD and ASD. Through the assessment process, it became obvious that she was masking a lot of stuff heavily and the impact this was having on her has been huge. We are about to trial medication for the ADHD.

I guess my message to anyone in a similar situation would be to trust your instincts and push for answers. I really doubted myself at various times and even some of the responses to this thread made me think I was over reacting (not aimed at the posters who were genuinely helpful).

Interesting update. How are the meds going?

Thanks for posting about your experience, it’s made me decide to press ahead with and assessment for DS. He’s 15 and is always in trouble at school, he has the most behaviour points anyone has ever had in his school, mostly from not handing homework in. He gets really easily overwhelmed when he gets too much work and it backs up, and then he’s completely paralysed, unable to do any of it.
He’s always been impulsive, he was suspended from primary school because of it, stupid dares his friends get him to do, which he does without thinking. Academically he’s doing well, he’s in quite a good grammar school where they push the kids quite hard, but as he gets closer to GCSEs he’s finding it tough because his natural ability has always masked his inability to do any real work. So he’s getting a lot of detentions over school work not handed in. His cousin was recently diagnosed and she’s evangelical about how meds have helped her. My sister is currently being assessed and I’m almost 100% certain my mum has it too.
I don’t know what I’m expecting by posting this, but I just wanted to say your post really helped me make up my mind.

Ooops. Missed the responses on this thread - sorry. @HeadFairy I hope you get the answers you are looking for. It was an expensive but very helpful process for us. @TheDangerOfIgnorance we are still waiting for the first medication appointment in early November. I'm not a huge fan of medicating kids (eldest DD had an horrific time with Sertraline) but trying to keep an open mind.

Could I ask where you got a diagnosis? Did they diagnose both conditions from the same set of assessments? I have a 7 year old, bright but all that you describe. At a recent OT assessment (for poor handwriting). I asked the OT if she thought he might have ADHD or ASD. She said that of course she couldn't diagnose but that off the record, from what she had seen, she thought he would get a diagnosis of both. I am baffled because there was absolutely no indication of either when he was little, just a bright inquisitive toddler who hit all of his milestones early, said his first word at 8 months and was fully conversational by about 20 months.

@dogoncouch , just to reassure you, my DD has only just been diagnosed with ADHD and autism at pushing 15. DD is able and, after a terrible few years, has made a cracking start to Y10 at a selective grammar school. It’s a huge spectrum and some children ‘mask’ for years as primary school is generally a more forgiving environment than high school. You are fortunate to have had a tip-off from a professional to begin your pathway to assessment now rather than when it’s too late to salvage a school career. It’s a hard adjustment but your DS is still the same bright, inquisitive child; just possibly with a neurodiverse brain.

@dogoncouch my DD is 17 and her ASD sister wasn't diagnosed until she was 18 so you are relatively early still! In hindsight some signs were there but no-one who knows my kids suspected they were anything other than bright and a bit quirky.

We used different clinics for the assessments as we started with my eldest and wanted to find someone specialising in ASD in girls. We then used the same practice (South London Psychology Partnership) for my second DD for her ASD assessment and then used Clinical Partners for ADHD.

Just in case anyone is searching - I wouldn't recommend Clinical Partners for an ADHD assessment. The assessment itself was ok, although it didn't feel very in-depth, but the medication part has been a nightmare. Once they have your money, the customer service is very poor.

Could you elaborate? I was thinking of using them.

If it’s helpful, I WOULD recommend ADHD360 for a private ADHD assessment but I would most definitely be on top of guiding them to manage the transfer to NHS Shared Care in order to obviate expensive private prescriptions.

Sorry @dogoncouch, I missed your question. Clinical Partners felt very "production line" - we didn't use all the time allocated (and paid for!) in either of the 2 sessions so far. They prescribed a medication which was out of stock everywhere near us (not their fault) and it took 10 days and multiple emails and phone calls to get them to prescribe an alternative. The post assessment customer service has been terrible so far.