Secondary school -boy and girl - ASD and ADHD in SE

[FlamingRobots]

Just writing that is upsetting. I have a son who is ASD and struggling in primary school and a daughter also struggling but may be ADHD. I desperately need to start looking for secondary schools for them but don’t have EHCPs although I’m in the process of applying.

Both children present as incredibly well mannered, articulate and academic at school but just getting them ready and in is chaotic and extremely difficult. I worry they will struggle once in a larger, more stressful setting of secondary school. We are in LB Croydon but considering a move to Sutton, Bromley or further out into Surrey.

Would anyone have any experience of mainstream schools with good SEN provision or perhaps a specialist school?

Hi, not advice on schools but solidarity.. I have DT in yr5. One ASD, one ASD/ADHD. Both polite, articulate and academic. Both struggling in primary school. Mornings are just horrific...

@Didiplanthis it’s so hard, I’m exhausted. Are you getting any support from their school? There are times I feel like keeping them at home as they seem so distressed, but I think once they are in they get the break needed from each other.

Have you started looking for schools?

School are pretty good, but they get the good, polite, masked version.. I get the fall out 🤷‍♀️... they have an older sister and I'm aiming for them to go to her school.. God knows if they will cope though..

I too have a pair DD19 and DS about to turn 18 who are both ASD ADD and in year 13 as we moved DD (late Aug baby) back a year when she was unwell in early secondary

Without realising it you are probably scaffolding them already, the fact that you’re pro actively looking forward is great

Think about each child’s individual needs, our DC are in completely different educational settings because that’s what was right for them.

Don’t be fooled by fantastic schools on paper, ask around and find out where other parents send their special needs kids, sometimes it will be a school you would not normally consider, DD. doesn’t even attend a standard school she’s at an internet school because that’s what was right for her

Do they have EHCP’s? If not would it be worth applying

With DS particularly I made sure he had 2 of everything like dictionaries calculator pencil case etc, one set stayed on his desk the other in his backpack so he never forgot them and therefore didn’t get into trouble

You’re going to be fine but it does take extra time and planning

@Tomnooktoldmeto I’ve not had a night on MN for such a long time but thank you for your post. Your children’s circumstances seem so similar to mine and it’s a comfort to hear how well they are getting on.

Early on in their education I made the assumption that my children would be together throughout school, but as they get older I’m coming to realise that perhaps it will be beneficial for them to be at different educational settings. It’s all made trickier because we are undecided on where to live, perhaps I have to see that as a positive!