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SEN

Here you'll find advice from parents and teachers on special needs education.

SENCO assessment for toddler, 2.5 hyperactive

4 replies

Mummylewi · 23/09/2021 19:36

Bear with me as I'm completely new to this. DC1 has been exhibiting challenging behaviour for a while. He has been extremely hyperactive for as long as I can remember. Family have always commented on it. He started nursery this year and his key worker has noticed some things which they think may be a bit 'out of the norm'. He gets very over excited and almost gets in a frenzy, where you cannot calm him down. If you try and speak to him while he is in this state, he won't look you in the eye, just jumps up and down, makes weird noises and bob's his head up and down and gets in other children's/ babies personal space. He was delayed with his speech and didnt say any words until just after his second birthday, but now speaks in sentences. He is extremely bright and can do the alphabet, numbers up to 50. Can spell his name and other basic words. He has 0 attention span, other than for the spelling and numbers. He doesn't really play just runs around. You can't get him to sit down and play a game as he loses interest after a few seconds and cannot focus. He struggles with simple rules there and gets very heavy handed and excitable with other children and the nursery struggle to calm him down, as do I. It's got to the stage where I avoid taking him to the park etc as he just wont listen and other parents have given him funny looks. He looks a lot older and is tall which doesnt hell. He also has major meltdowns when he doesnt get his own way, they can last 20+ minutes. I'm saying all this and feel awful because he is also the most loving boy ever, he gives me kisses and tells me he loves me all the time. He just constantly seems almost like he is on a sugar rush. I don't believe there is a senco at the nursery so they are getting an outside person in? I'm confused what to expect, it's all very concerning and I'm worried that it looks like I'm a lazy parent or I just can't control him. Has anyone else had similar?

OP posts:
wednesdaygirl90 · 23/09/2021 20:12

Everyone will have an opinion on your parenting whether your son is quiet or loud, hyperactive or laidback, or whatever combination of characteristics he has. We all think we know more than anyone else, whether we are parents ourselves or not. You shouldn't have to worry about other people's judgement if you are doing the best you can. I know it's easier said than done, but I just want to reassure you that if people are judging your parenting, it is probably because they want to deflect their own concerns about their own parenting, because they will have them. It always baffles me when people stare/judge children being overexcited/hyperactive, because that is the natural state of being a child, especially when they're at the park.

You don't need to feel guilty about describing his character and behaviour, because there isn't anything wrong with it. Even if he is assessed and is diagnosed with a learning difficulty or disability, that still doesn't mean there is anything wrong with him. I would encourage you to read as much as you can about the social model of disability, because in the early stages of assessment/diagnosis, it is very easy for parents to blame themselves and feel as if they have done something to 'cause' their child to be disabled or have a special need. It is helpful to avoid reading things from the perspective of the medical model of disability (that SEN and disability are "deficits" rather than just a natural variation in the human brain). Of course, that is not to minimise the challenges that come with being disabled or having SEN.

The positives that I've got from your post is that your son is incredibly bright, he's in nursery yet he can already spell his name and some other words, his counting is amazing, he has lots of energy and excitement, and is a lovely affectionate boy.

It is easy at this stage to worry about the future and to think about the challenges that lie ahead if he is diagnosed with a learning difficulty. However, there is no way to know what life might hold for him in the same way you don't know what life might hold for any child. You just do the best that you can.

I have worked with young disabled people for the last six years and some of them will need care for the rest of their lives, but I've also seen some of them exceed everyone's expectations by going to college, gaining employment, etc. There is a young girl I began working with 6 years ago and when I met her, she had very high support needs, very high anxiety and needed 1:1 support. She now travels by train independently, studies at a mainstream college and regularly meets up with friends in town to do regular teenage things. My own sister was very delayed in her speech and learning, and we were told she would need full time care for the rest of her life. She is now at university.

You don't know what the future holds, so just take it one day at time. Read a lot if you find that helps, but make sure you don't just read stuff written by doctors and psychologists. Read things and watch videos by people with LDD, whether that be ADHD, autism, cerebral palsy, dyspraxia, whatever. Even if it's not your son's possible future diagnosis (if he is diagnosed with something), watch it anyway and continue to remind yourself that, if he has a learning difficulty, it is not something you caused, it is just part of who he is.

Mummylewi · 23/09/2021 20:34

@wednesdaygirl90 thank you for your reply, it's really cheered me up. I will try to relax a bit about taking him out and worrying about his behaviour. I think its because I'm naturally a shy and quiet person and I do get a bit anxious in social situations, coupled with a young baby it can be difficult to 'control' and discipline ds when he gets in this state. He can lash out a little bit a me, not in aggression, more in frustration. I've also had situations where parents have taken their children away from him and I worry that he feels left out or treated differently, which in turn really upsets me.

It is reassuring to hear about your experiences and I'm glad your sister has done so well. I'm trying to not worry myself about any potential diagnosis and just see that this is who he is. And of course I love him regardless.

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monstrousmayhem · 23/09/2021 20:54

LAs often have Area SENCOs to support early years settings. They may observe DS, speak to the nursery staff and you.

Have you spoken to your HV or GP about a referral for further assessment? If not, the Area SENCO may suggest this or suggest other assessments in nursery.

Ignore anyone who judges you.

Mummylewi · 23/09/2021 21:10

@monstrousmayhem I've spoken to a health visitor finally on the phone. Services are stretched where I am due to covid. She sent me a leaflet on behaviour and techniques for dealing with it, nothing we don't already do. They are sending a nursery nurse round to talk through activities etc to do with him. I don't have much confidence in them to be honest, they haven't been particularly helpful up until now. I'll see what the SENCO says and then potentially get in contact with my GP.

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