Meltdowns when needing a wee!

[Juliecloud]

My DS (age 7, waiting to be assessed for ASD and ADHD, older sibling has both) has tremendous meltdowns frequently about what appear to be very minor things. He becomes very irrational and aggressive. We have noticed that these generally happen when he needs a wee. He gets more and more agitated as time goes on and shouts that he most definitely does not need the toilet if we suggest he goes or asks if he needs to go. But once he has gone, he is like a different person! So much calmer and more rational.
Has anyone else had a child like this? I don’t know how to get him to go to the toilet before the meltdown starts I don’t know who to ask for advice about this. School nurse? GP?

This is likely to be a sensory issue. Many DC with ASD struggle with recognising when they need to go to the toilet &/or with the feeling of going to the toilet. Would DS cooperate with having a routine of going at set times regardless of whether he thinks he needs to go?

Also, some DC have a fear of the toilet itself. It might be worth exploring if this is a problem here. I would speak to the school nurse first - just because in my experience the GP is less likely to be able to help.

Thank you. I’ll see if I can figure out how to get in touch with the school nurse.

If you google your area and school nursing 0-19 service you should be able to find contact details.

This happens with DS a lot. I think it's a combination of sensory issues (he doesn't recognise the sensation that he needs a wee until it is pretty intense and already making him dysregulated) and demand avoidance that prevents him from being able to respond to my suggestions that he has a wee.

One thing that can work is planting the sea of having a wee without actually telling him to go e.g. if I think he needs to go I might suddenly say 'ooh gosh, I really need a wee' and dash upstairs. Sometimes he will respond with 'actually, so do I' and try and get up there before me. I can't do it too regularly or he cottons on to what I'm doing but it can work occasionally!

Planting the seed, not the sea!!

Continence nurse or OT should be able to support. Having regular times to go to the toilet might also help - organising these around meal times can be an easy way to fit it in.

DS used to have a great general sense of urgency/anxiety without connecting it to needing the toilet. Also not realising he was hungry or thirsty until starving or gasping! He grew out of it and we learned to just insist on regular drink/snack/wee breaks until he got in tune with his own body a bit more.