Threatened to kill myself and dd today

[cantcopewithsn]

My dd is 5 and has ASD. She is fully statemented and attends a specialist autistic school. We have been to hell and back to get her where she is , and she is happy. I realise we are lucky. Her disability is severely impacting on my other children and I really can't cope with this.I work full time to pay the bills, dh works away, is home 3 nights out of 7. I leave to take her to school at 7.30 and get back having done a full day at work,leaving work at 3pm, picking up all kids, getting home at 5.30pm. DH is home on Sundays only. This morning, she refused to eat her breakfast, threw it across the kitchen, me, and herself, as normal, and I screamed at her, that I was going to drive myself and her off the local viaduct, so that dh and my other children would be better off. DH and I screamed at each other for 10 mins, and then he left to take the others to school, leaving me to take dd to school as normal. He hasn't bothered to check whether we are still alive. I am not going to do as I threatened ( this is not a MN online suicide), but this morning I could have, quite easily, and if I had driven off and gone to the viaduct, instead of her school, he would now ( 12 hours later), be none the wiser.
Am feeling very but not enough to do as I threatened. I am a regular but have name changed. I am by nature a coper, but am not, at the moment. DH is obviously not interested, but can't afford to sign myself off on the sick. In my job, one day off with "stress" is the death knell of careers, and without my work, I would have gone to the viaduct by now. Thanks for listening. How do you all cope? I thought women of our generation were meant to have it all ??

im so sorry you are feeling your not coping and have no support from dh bumping as i dont think i cope at all and dd has no apparent speacial needs.

What you describe is simply too much for one person to cope with. Why does your dh not find work where he can be there daily? That is worth a drop in salary, a relocation..whatever it took - coping together is the most important thing.

Right now, you are, to all extents and purposes, a single parent.

There are places you can get help. There are organisations that can provide an extra pair of hands. There is also respite (although you have to bloody beg on your knees for it!)

I echo what dd666 said. Women of out generation do not have it all - well yes they do but not in a good way sadly. You have far too much on your plate. When you see him again I think you need to sit dh down and have a few words. You need support. And I think you need to have a cuddle with dd (assuming you can - i'm not sure if she is cuddleable - and I really don't mean that to be offensive in any way.) I don;t know vast amounts about SEN, but I read your thread title and felt I had to reply.

I am really sorry to hear of your situation. Men are just so insensitive to our needs most of the time. I have no advice, but wanted to acknowledge your outpouring. Good luck for the future.

Oh poor you- I dont know if you are on TTR, if not please e-mail me on [email protected] and I will get you an invite, its a private off board space for us SN mums to rant and cope and just 'be' without being worruied about who will read what.

You know what i think is one of the greatest and nastiest fallacies of modern aprenthood, let alone aprenthood with a SN child? that everyone else is coping. I feel like I have superwoman tatto'ed on my forehead, and inside am all samshed up- what's that old song by deacon blue? Choclotae bar? she knows she's a chocolate abr.... coz she's broekn up inside and all wrapped in silver. Exactly it.

PLease don't feewl abd, we're all entitled to the occasional collapse. Social Services are there if you need respite and it sounds as if you do, but of course you have to rpactically flay yourself alive to get it.

Don't feel abd about yourself- I admire your honesty admitting how you feel.

A woman in a shop asked me how I coped today. dd was in her wheelchair. And for once I said, I don't. This morning I was sobbing in the shower because I didn't want another day, let alone another 20 years of this.
But I have done things to make life more bearable. I don't go out to work, I made DH give up his job and work 2 hours a week. He's allowed to go back when dd goes to school full time. We don't have any money but its not like we'd take dd on holiday or ever go out in the evening anyhow. Who would babysit a quadraplegic with seizures? So no nice clothes needed. I have 4 kids. 1 quad CP, 1 Aspergers, 1 runaway and 1 home educated cos he wont go to school.
You sound at the end of your tehther and depressed and you need help. Its not shameful to not be able to cope, given what you are dealing with, its par for the course.

There is another website called asdfreindly.org. A great site with parents going through similar things.Also professional people use this site too so great for advice etc.

cantcopewithsn, here is the link to ASDfriendly.

How are you tonight?

is it possible to investigate getting respite care? Perhaps you should go the dr and talk about how you are feeling this may be the key to getting the help you need.

So sorry to hear you are feeling so low. As others have said its nothing to feel ashamed of.
Do you get DLA for your dd ?

can'tcopewith sn, I think we all have days like these. My DH goes to work at 7 and comes home at 10, so I know how it is a bit. If you live anywhere in Surrey, let me know and maybe your DD can come for a playdate with my two , giving you some time off? Genuine offer.

Thanks everyone for your messages. Am feeling a lot better today - I realise I have a lot to be grateful for but sometimes the logistics get me down. Am also acutely aware that DH really sees the kids as my problem, and i feel as if a huge wedge has jammed between us - I can't get over the fact that he didn't know or seemingly care if dd or I were still alive.. He is on his way home tonight, so that should be fun .
I do need to acknowledge to the outside world that I am not superwoman, but its difficult to do that in rl. Thats what Mn is for !