Hi, I'm hoping that someone might have some advice for me about my 13 year old son.
Not sure where to start really as there is so much so apologies in advance if I waffle and jump around. It will probably be long 😳
He started a new school in September 2018 in a new area after his dad and I split up. He had always had behaviour issues at school but when he started secondary school in 18 it escalated. By behaviour issues I mean, for the most part, low level naughtiness. There have been one or two incidents that would warrant a phone call home but all of the others are low level things that in my view should just be dealt with by the school. Examples would be being told to put a biscuit in the bin but taking a bite out of it on the way, or hiding a butty in the lunch room, he wrote a swear word on his mask, that kind of thing. But I do understand that it is a volume thing.
Im not defending his behaviour at all and I have been 100% supportive of the school.
However, since pretty much the first incident of low level naughtiness the school have been threatening to put him on a managed move. This has hung over us both now for the last 2 years or so and I only ever receive negative calls from the school.
Last week it all came to a head and I finally confronted the school about how they have handled DS and what if anything they have done to help him. Since returning from lockdown he has had over 850 positive points vs 150 negative. Such a huge improvement but still all contact is negative and punitive.
I've finally now opened up to people around me after being embarrassed as ashamed for so long and have had my eyes opened. I've spoken with an independent Counsellour to arrange what the school have promised and failed to deliver on numerous occasions.
From this contact the counsellor (obvs with more info than I've put here!) has suggested that his behaviours may indicate ADHD. I've raised with the school before that I'd like him to be assessed if only to rule out any contributing factors but nothing ever came of it. I emailed them today to say what had been said with Counsellour and promptly got a reply to say that's a GP issue and nothing to do with school.
In my mind he has been let down by people who are trained to spot these issues, which may be ADHD or ODD or none of them. But I feel he should have been assessed in some way , certainly if his behaviour is bad enough to warrant moving him to a different school it should warrant a little investigation.
It's also made me feel like I've missed something and part of that blame is on me and some on the school for bullying me for 2 years with (previously) empty threat that they now want to make real.
I've read up on ADHD and can't find a symptom checklist he doesn't tick every box of. I always had suspicions my daughter whose now 21 had some additional needs that were never addressed, but her issues manifested outside of school mostly so despite literally begging for help at points she was never diagnosed with anything. She has grown into a well balanced young woman but she definitely still has some aspects of behaviour that could be adult adhd.
So after all that babbling my question is what do I do next?! Should I push the school to do non medical assessments? Should they have already done some? I have had bad experiences with trying and failing to help DD and really don't want to repeat those mistakes, but when they said it was a home/GP issue it took the wind out of my sails a bit. If you got this far thank you 🙏