Delayed emotional/social skills - how to help?

[greyinganddecaying]

My DC is delayed in a number of areas. But the ones that we can't figure out how to help him with are his social & emotional skills.

Whenever we see his friends when out, in the park etc, they never want to play with him, tell him to go away, to leave them alone. These are the kids he talks about from school, so the ones he sees as friends (not that they act like it!).

There have also been a few class parties that he's not been invited to (I realise that numbers are restricted due to covid).

He's 5yo and the eldest in the class, but acts like the youngest in many ways. He also has tantrums at home when he doesn't get his own way (but not when out/at school as far as I know).

How can we help him to make friends? It's heartbreaking to see how no one wants to play with him.

Has he been to Nursery ? Were any concerns raised there ?

Has anything been said at Parents' evening / consultations this year, at school ?

When you say 'delayed in a number of areas' - is this something you are in contact with the school about? Are there plans in place? Is there any diagnosis of anything, or is he on a waiting list to be seen by anyone ?

What is his speech like, and other communication skills ? As it is incredibly difficult to develop 'typical' social skills if you can't communicate easily. Frustrations, and other emotions can be affected by difficulty with communication skills too.

It's not me being nosey, but there are so many things that are going to affect this, there is no straightforward answer, and different things might work depending on all the circumstances.

Which country are you in ?

He went to nursery from 15 months old. Concerns were raised there but things have become more pronounced since he started school.

He has a diagnosis of global developmental delay.

School know about this. They are providing an element of support in helping with motor skills development. He is under SALT.

School seem to be focusing on motor skills/language and these were brought up at parents evening/in his pupil profile. The social/emotional side has been largely brushed over. I think school could do more generally but they believe they're doing enough.

I've applied for an EHCNA.

We're in England.

As part of the EHCNA you can request SALT and OT assessments, both SALT and OT will help.

Do the school have emotional literacy and social skills intervention groups?

Can you invite one child at a time for a play date? We found building relationships 1:1 easier.

Thanks - we're already under SALT, so it'll be interesting if she comes up with anything different if we get a NA report. We've also had an OT report but it doesn't really cover much about social/emotional development.

School are offering nothing relating to social/emotional skills. I don't think they have these things (they list things they do have and no mention of them).

We've thought about individual meet-ups, but the only children he will mention by name as being his friends are the ones who've refused to play with him.

I feel really bad for him.

If you want SALT and OT provision in the EHCP, and it sounds like they are needed, you will need reports written for the EHCNA as the current reports aren't sufficient. SALT and OT provision written in to the EHCP can be in excess of what would otherwise be available on the NHS. ELSA and social skills interventions can also be included in EHCPs - I would be surprised if the school couldn't offer these in one form or another without an EHCP.

They may not be running yet but have you got any SEN groups locally?

Thanks. I saw SALT today & she says she's been contacted for information. Do you think we may need to pay for private assessments?

The school haven't actioned some of the recommendations on the last OT report & have offered nothing apart from occasional small group work. They say they'll not do any more without an EHCP.

No SEN groups that I've found yet, I'm on local SEN parents forums so i'll keep a look out.

I wouldn't get independent reports at this time, wait until if they are needed for tribunal. For example, you may find you don't need an independent SALT report, but do need an OT report.

Do make sure the EHCNA reports are detailed, specific and quantified. If they aren't ask the LA to go back to the report writer to make them so.

Do you have the school's response in writing?

Thanks - no school have just verbally told us this. I'm guessing that they have been contacted for their views when we applied for a ECHNA.

We're supposed to have a decision on the NA (to assess or not) by next week, but I've heard that they're behind schedule.

The timescales are statutory deadlines, they aren't optional. If the LA don't tell you whether they are going to carry out a needs assessment by Week 6 IPSEA have a model letter you can send, if that still doesn't work threaten Judicial Review.

In future follow up any verbal conversations with emails, so you have a paper trail should you need it, you don't need school to respond.

I've emailed to ask the question about the potential delay but no response yet. Just don't want to get their backs up before they give a decision in case it sways them...

If anything, letting the LA know you know what is lawful and what is not will help you. All too often LAs try to get away with failing to meet their statutory duties until they see parents are serious. They rely on parents not knowing the law &/or not challenging them. Unfortunately, children whose parents can navigate the system and enforce their rights get better provision.

Do not allow the LA to get away with breaking the EHCNA timescales otherwise they will see they can get away with breaching their duties and the whole process will be more difficult for you.

Thanks - again! I'm going to try to get hold of them again tomorrow (phone goes straight to answering machine).

I am concerned that they'll refuse and tell me that they believe his needs can be met in school. But I'm applying for a NA because the school aren't doing enough & refuse to do more without an EHCP (& the associated money). If this happens, will appeal or mediation be best?

Experts recommend just getting the certificate and submitting to SENDIST. LAs use mediation as a delaying tactic. Don't waste months going back and forth not getting anywhere fast. If the LA are going to concede they will regardless of whether you actively partake in mediation or just get the certificate.

Send the LA an email.

Sorry I'm just getting used to the terms, what is the certificate & is SENDIST the tribunal?

SENDIST is the SEND tribunal service.

To appeal you have to consider mediation, but you don't actually have to go through with mediation. In order to show you have either considered it or actively undertaken mediation you get a certificate from the mediation service which you need in order to submit your appeal to SENDIST.

Thank you @10brokengreenbottles - this is all really helpful.