Inattentive ADD? How to help 14 year old DS.

[KeepingOnKeepingUp]

DS is smart but we are continually told by his teachers he needs to work harder and be more organised. Both of which are undoubtedly true but having observed him "revising" over this half term, I do really think there is something else going on. He's always been bad at following instructions but lockdown learning was a complete disaster for him. He missed lessons, failed to hand in work, and spent most of the time when an adult wasn't in the room with him gazing into space. I took time off work over half term to make sure I was around to keep him motivated and it's clear to me he hasn't got a clue how to organise his study or start and stay focused.

He is very upset and demotivated and says he knows he should be doing better, but doesn't have the ability to follow through on plans we make together. When I micromanage him - and I mean really micromanage - by sitting beside him and guiding him through tasks he does ok but when I am not around it's a disaster. He forgets things, doesn't follow instructions and loses focus in the middle of conversations.

The school has suggested ADD in the past but when I asked about a diagnosis they were dismissive, and said it would only make a difference if we wanted him to have medication. I'm not sure, from the reading I've done, that that is true - I think it would help him and us make sense of his challenges and also I'm not averse to medication if it helps him concentrate. He is struggling with some other medical issues including vision related ones and I think that the combination of lockdown, adolescence, health problems and poor academic performance are really getting him down.

Does anyone have any guidance on how to locate a good psychiatrist who could assess him? We're in Essex, so can travel into London easily. And then what happens - would the school need to be involved in the assessment? Would he need further appointments in the future, or is it a single diagnosis?

We have just been through the diagnosis process with DS. Our school's SENCo recommended an educational psychologist who they have worked with in the past other children. We waited a couple of months for an appointment even though it was private and it was only because of a cancellation that we were seen in 2 months instead of having a late July appointment.
The initial appointment was a consultation with my son and me where she asked both of us lots of questions. She then sent us and school a questionnaire to fill up online. Once both of us had done that, she aggregated the scores and made the diagnosis. We felt that DS was also hyperactive but school didn't think so and so the official diagnosis is only inattentive ADHD.
We are expecting a report with recommendations of actions for both school and us. We have been told that medication is not the first line of treatment for children and there will be other recommendations made.
We do have a follow up appointment booked in about 6 months but that is primarily because school have indicated some ASD traits that the EP wants to monitor. Otherwise, I think we would have only seen her every 12-18 months. But again we are relatively new to the process so I might be wrong!

Thanks - that’s really helpful. I could ask the school but as they’ve not been enormously helpful up until now I wonder how useful they will be. It’s good to understand a little more about the process. Thank you, and good luck to you and your son.