Advice needed for an emotionally sensitive child

[aworriedmummy21]

Hi all. This is my first ever post on mumsnet.
My daughter is in year 2 and is on the SEN register. Every other night she cries and says ' I don't want to go to school as the lessons are tricky and I don't understand, no one plays with me, teacher doesn't talk to me' etc. This all is happening since March. Last month I had a meeting with her class teacher and SENCO and they assured me that they will put some intervention. The week after that meeting she didn't complain. Now again everyday she is crying over the same issues. But every morning she is happy for going to school.
I am confused that shall I take this very seriously and think about homeschooling her or should I wait until she herself refuses to go to school.
Any advice would be helpful.

The 2 scenarios you have posted are the extremes. There's plently between the 2! What was the difference in the week DD was OK? What did the school do differently, can they continue? Have you spoken to school again?

If this has only been ongoing since returning in March it is still relatively early. If it continues longer term after you have spoken to the school again and they have put further interventions in place speak to the GP about a referral to CAMHS and consider applying for an EHCP.

I would keep talking to the school and SENCO, find out what they've put in place, tell them what's working and what's still an issue. I would be really positive with daughter about school when she comes home ask her what she's done, ask about the other kids in her class, who she likes etc, say how brilliant everything sounds and say you can't wait to hear what she does the next day. Make sure she doesn't get too tired or hungry as that is likely to make her more emotional. If there is someone at school she would like to be friends with I would really recommend inviting them round for tea/play when that is possible and birthday parties are brilliant for making friends when they are possible - instant popularity! x

Thank you for your reply @10brokengreenbottles @Tal45.
She has already been referred to CAHMS by the paediatrics because they think she might could have autism and I don't think she has. What I can see is that she has cognitive developmental delay (she is 6 but her understanding is more like a 5 yr old). I always wanted if she could have a year held back and had few meetings with the head teacher regarding a year retention (my daughter was in reception that time) but they said they don't have any such policy.
She looks very small as compare to her peers and now she feels it badly. Her speech was delayed and her understanding is not upto her age because of that she finds it hard to communicate with other girls. She says sometimes girls in her class don't let her play some specific games because she don't understand very well.
Yesterday I tried to tell her class teacher again how dd is upset regularly. I asked her if she could also try to speak to dd as she always complains that her teacher doesn't speak to her but only TA. She gave a strange reply that we have 30 kids so it gets difficult to talk to each child. I always notice because of my polite nature the class teacher never bothers to explain me anything and always give excuses.
I'm not from UK - I never felt descriminated here but now I do...

Developmental delay can be a part of autism. Your latest post does suggest it is a possibility - social issues, speech delay, communication problems, poor comprehension.

A one year delay (6 to 5) is well within the normal range in a average UK classroom, which suggests if DD is struggling academically and socially, to the extent of not being able to communicate with or understand her peers, the delay is actually greater.

If DD has already been referred for an ASD assessment it suggests difficulties were present prior to March.

Repeating years is not well liked because it doesn't solve the problems. The gap remains within the year below and often increases as the child progresses through the school. There's also potential problems when transitioning to secondary and means pupils can leave school without any qualifications.

Speaking to the teacher at the beginning or end of the day is not the way to go, they are too busy then. You should ask for a meeting with the teache &/or the SENCO. I'm not sure DD's perception that the teacher never speaks to her is correct, it is far more likely that it is that she has more contact with the TA as it is them who is providing the additional support of those struggling in the classroom. I think the teacher was trying to explain with 30 in a class there isn't the time to spend ages 1:1 with any child. If there is 5 hours class time that is only 10 mins per child, and that's before you take out the time spent teaching the whole class.

Thank you @10brokengreenbottles, I appreciate the way you explain everything in detail.

It was my first time on mumsnet so I was avoiding to write all the background to keep the previous posts short. DD was referred to CAMHS when she was 3.5 years old but she was first seen by them when she was 4years +. In between those few months I noticed a good improvement in her speech and behaviour. The psychologist at camhs said she could have mild autism. He was ready to diagnose her but I wasn't happy and I wanted to wait for another few more months to see how she goes. DD is generally a sociable girl and loves going out and meeting people. At school she is finding things hard and since March she is complaining alot about different things at school. I know she is emotionally very sensitive and I have to deal her with care. But now almost every day she cries and says, I don't want to go to school. Even I showed up my concerns to school, but I don't know they understand DD's needs properly?

I am confused what could be the reason behind this, is it autism or her very sensitive nature? What type of support for my child I should be expecting from school. It already took me years to know the SEN system of schools.

The fact that she is crying every day and refusing to go to school indicates that her needs are not being met.

Is she getting any speech and language therapy?

There's no such thing as ''mild autism'. If CAMHS wanted to diagnose a girl, at 4, there are clear signs. The earlier s diagnose is given the better. If can explain behaviour, provide understanding, and although support should be needs based a diagnosis can help. It is a stereotype that all autistics are unsociable.

Autism can mean some struggle expressing their emotions, understand their own and others, and recognising others' emotions. If DD has autism it isn't possible to separate autism from a sensitive nature. Things with be easier for DD if you change the environment, provide support and help her learn tools to cope.

Some examples of things that may help: do the school have ELSA, nurture group, Lego therapy, social skills group, lunchtime support, literacy/maths/fine motor interventions? The teacher can look at the seating plan. Look at the sensory environment - ear defenders, movement breaks, fidget toy. Wobble cushion.

You can apply for an EHCNA yourself.

@Ellie56 Yes, she was getting speech and language therapy. According to SENCO she has made good progress and for her SALT was stopped last month.

@10brokengreenbottles The things to help plus the other terms ELSA, EHNCP that you have mentioned here, I have never heard about any of these from them except Social Skills group (which they started after easter holidays). The school is good but not outstanding. Do you think outstanding schools provide better facilities for a SEN child?

She might have made good progress with SLT, but you say she still struggles to understand and communicate with the other children, which suggests the SLT needs to continue.

I would make an appointment to speak with the teacher and SENCO again, and ask what other support and interventions they can put in place, as she is still struggling and very unhappy.

If things don't improve, you could consider asking for an EHC Needs Assessment. Information here:

www.ipsea.org.uk/ehc-needs-assessments

@Ellie56 I will definitely ask for a meeting with SENCO and the teacher, and I will request to provide me in writing all the interventions they will be putting in.
And thank you so much for sharing the link, it's very informative and useful.

This mumsnet platform is really very helpful!

OFSTED rating don't match up to a school's SEN provision. SEN support in an Outstanding school isn't necessarily better than in a Good school. Some Requires Improvement schools have amazing SEN support, and some Outstanding schools terrible provision. Also, some Outstanding schools won't have been inspected for 10 years.

When meeting school staff I find it helpful to have an idea of what I would like the school to do.

Do you think school should book an education psychology assessment for DD? Would it be helpful?

An Ed Psych assessment will help. However, realistically, your chance of getting one via school is pretty slim. They get limited Ed Psych time and there will be other DC with more challenging needs within the school. Your best bet for securing an EP assessment is via an EHCNA.

Few days late to this thread but thought I. Could provide some insight. Autism could be likely however, I think you are being sensible in not accepting it as a diagnosis as it could be something else. One of the most common disorders is Developmental Language Disorder, have you looked into that? Apparently 2 in every classroom have it and it’s more common than ASD or ADHD. Basically it is when a child can fail to comprehend things and can also struggle with some social issues considering they can find conversation hard.

Thank you @NannySEN, I value the insight you have provided.
Should I contact GP for the assessment of developmental language delay?

CAMHS consider differential diagnoses when assessing. If a child meets the diagnostic criteria for ASD, as suggested by CAMHS wanting to diagnose at 4, they have ASD. They may have comorbidities but they wouldn't have been diagnosed with autism if they didn't have ASD. The sooner diagnosed the better.

@10brokengreenbottles Do you think CAMHS can never misdiagnosed a child?

I think it is very, very unlikely for a child to be misdiagnosed with autism at 4. Autism isn't diagnosed lightly, it involves a MDT and a diagnostic test such as ADOS or DISCO. If someone scores enough to be diagnosed with ASD they have ASD.

In order to get a diagnosis there must be difficulties in the triad of impairments that limit and impair everyday functioning. A diagnosis at 4, in a girl, means there are obvious signs. Otherwise CAMHS (or neurodevelopmental paed in other areas) would take a wait and see approach or the child, especially girls, would never have been referred for an ASD assessment in the first place. Just getting a referral accepted can be difficult for many parents.

Your daughter sounds very much like my 7 year old daughter who does have autism x
She's sociable too but it's the not understanding that holds her back and causes all the upset x

Hi all. Now I have received ASD diagnosis for my daughter including an assessment of General Cognitive Ability. It shows that her Working Memory and Processing Speed index are Very Low and her Verbal comprehension is Low average. I want to arrange a meeting with school SENCO to discuss how she will get help in these areas but before that need to prepare for the meeting. I don't have any idea of what help I should expect from school. I would appreciate as many response from you all.
(Please excuse my English, it's not my native language)

@santabetterwashhishands would you like to give some advice in this matter. My dd struggles at playground in school. She says no one gives her turn/space to use playground equipment and no one wants to play with her. School is always saying she is fine at lunch and break times.