Reading up on PDA why is anxiety considered the cause?

[imgoingtoregretthis]

My DS has been having some issues at school avoiding doing his work, he goes into a fantasy play land and acts out an adventure. Over the years it has been different themes, sometimes being an animals or a machine. The thing is when he's at home this is how he plays, not really into toys these days, so why is it considered to be caused by anxiety? I get he might not want to do the work at school and would rather play, so is the anxiety just about doing something he doesn't like ( written work) ? When he's home and playing there is no demand other than maybe being a bit bored. Our home life isn't perfect, I really try there is some tension with DH, lack of support and i have other younger children that are very clingy. But he is playing like this anyway with any demands placed.

Whilst I feel all children are different the school Senco feels he should be assessed for ASD. Reading up on ASD, only really PDA fits, this not mentioned by SENCo specifically. I'm just confused really. I have noticed some differences over the years, and a fantastic imagination. He was a late talker, lacks confidence and still is a bit behind on his speech, but I got help with his speech.

My understanding of this is still developing, but how I udnerstnad it is that the need to be in control is very important. Someone can easily be in control in a fantasy play land of their own making. This behaviour could be viewed as avoidant, or maybe he has a great imagination that is stronger than his desire to do schoolwork/play with siblings...
How does he react both at home and at school when he is asked to do something he may not want to do? Not necesssarily something onerous like cleaning his room, but disturbing what he is doing.
How does he interact with others, family, friends strangers?

It's worth further investigation, and either way you (and he and your family and school) will be better informed in how his brain works.

@Wolfiestar he is very hard to get to do anything really ( like get in the bath or get dressed), but he's not a naughty boy if that makes sense, he doesn't hit, shout or tantrum. It just takes a lot of cajoling and nagging. But if we want to do it then he's fast as anything.If it's a dinner he likes or the neighbours are out to play shoes are on at the speed of light, no help needed.

He's just been in the toilet after I suggested he had a morning wee and was in there doing his fantasy stuff for about 15 minutes and I opened the door to ask if he had washed his hands and he hadn't. So it was between the wee and the handwash.

Generally I would say he's quite friendly and whilst I can't see what he does at school, we have a few friends we see with kids the same and neighbours. He seems to get involved and not do the fantasy unless left on his own / bored. His confidence is building after having a speech delay.

He has a little sister, she's at the toddler destroyer age, so sometimes he gets upset if she crashes his house he's building or steals his drink. They do hold hands and play together, laugh and cuddle too. He seems very good about all the attention she gets, but it's not ideal.

The control bit is interesting, he is obsessed about going down the stairs first and getting to the front door first. He will get upset if our dog goes first, but generally seems ok about his sister. He doesn't seem to crave routine.

My DS is 5 and before school put him under the SENCO I just thought this was standard behaviour, maybe it's only an issue as it is impacting his school work now. I don't spend a lot of time with other 5 year olds, no other family children and he's my oldest. But like I said he do play dates when Covid allows and not seen many differences in his behaviour, even his speech seems to be on par. ( He didn't speak at age 2, we did a lot and he had private speech therapy)

He has done these fantasy play things since about age 2. He used pretend he was a digger and dig, or act as a cat, pretend he was a race car racing and make a revving sound ( like lighting McQueen) and more recently it's being a ninja. I thought he had a lovely imagination and it's hard to know what is typical kid stuff and what isn't. I can see it's wrong if he can't focus on eating his dinner for 10 minutes at age 5 ( not taking 3 course at a restaurant) and jumps up and starts ninja roleplay every few minutes 😬

I suppose I need some coping strategies.

The main difference between PDA and ODD is anxiety and a need for underlying ASD diagnosis. PDA is by definition anxiety based demand avoidance, even avoiding demands you have set yourself. Where it is diagnosed, it will be as part of an autism diagnosis, sometimes as a demand avoidant profile rather than PDA. It can manifest itself differently at home/school so at school a child may fawn, comply with demands but explode at home, whereas at home they may not be able to comply with anything,
ODD is oppositional defiance which does not have to have anything to do with anxiety though anxiety may be present. People with ODD tend to only defy others rather than demands they have set themselves.

It is, of course, far more complicated than that.

@sprongle1 that's really interesting, I'll read on ODD. DS will do anything he wants, shoes on straight out the door, school day this will take major work. But he doesn't present as having anxiety, no meltdowns, very occasionally he cries about going to school, but just says he misses home and doing what he wants . But maybe I'm missing something and he is anxious.

I read on ODD and it doesn't match, he never says he won't do something just gets distracted I his own world. He's not aggressive, angry, he's pretty chilled. He'd say no to his sister taking something, but he's never talked back. Could be ADHD I suppose? Inattentive type?

My ds now 15 was diagnosed with pda (autism) 8 years ago.
I think what is maybe confusing you is that it is not anxiety that causes a child to be demand avoidant. It is that demands (sometimes just expectations) make them anxious.
So they aren’t anxious at all when they’re in a demand free environment, they become anxious only when a demand is made of them.
Try the pda specific strategies and see how he responds to them.

@Smithermetimbers I completely agree - demands and expectations make them anxious and subsequently avoidant, and any anxiety about other things make it 10 x less likely they can cope with even the smallest demand.
PDA strategies make like much easier.

@sprongle1 & @Smithermetimbers I've just read the strategies on the PDA site and it is helpful thank you. I do a lot of them already, but I can also get a little to forceful with short sharp languor when I get frustrated by the lack of compliance. So I will change that. I am certainly understanding more.

We have had a much better few weeks, mainly as I've stopped doing writing practice homework after school. Still doing reading which he likes. My DS's writing is terrible and he hates doing it. It's very hard when I feel I should be making him practice, but I can't cope with the battle at the moment. I have used iPad bribery in the past, but it's worn thin.

The more I read on PDA the more I think he probably does have it. I had though he was autistic when he was younger, but discounted it as he didn't have some of the main factors and I realise now that it's just a different presentation. It's a bit of an adjustment in my mind now from quirky difficult to an actual condition, but we will push on to try to get an assessment and work with the school senco. I'm feeling positive as more info can only help the situation.

Hello @imgoingtoregretthis how is your DS if you don't mind me asking? Did you pursue an assessment?

I came across your thread because I suspect my DS (age 4.5) might possibly have PDA so I'm looking into it. From what you write about your son, I think mine is similar! Weirdly he also insists on being the first person to go up/down the stairs.

@NameChange30 He hasn't been assessed yet. I had agreed with his reception teacher to speak again about it in 2 months after the SENCo had spent some time with him. Then the Senco was off work and it didn't happen. The teacher said he was more engaged and less tearful about separation from me. However she suggested the big test will be the change to year 1 where it is more desk based and less freedom. So I we wait for September and see how he gets on. I did try to leave him at his best friends the other week and he was so distressed despite having been there with he 1000 times.

It's so very hard with children, sometimes things can be a red flag but it's a short phase. My DS is young for the school year and I find it hard to tell if some of the behaviour is this. However as I said in past posts there have been many red flags over the years for Autism, but it's not such a classic presentation. To say mild Autism is I know not technically correct, we can only see if the school suggest the assessment. They have had other children assessed from my DS' class and with one a very quick diagnosis made which apparently was a complete shock to the parents. Obviously I could push it with the GP, but I am happy to wait to see how he gets on. He's a lovely boy, but the controlling behaviour can be very challenging.

@imgoingtoregretthis
Thanks for your reply. It sounds as if it's been up and down. Best of luck to your DS (and you) for starting Y1 in September. My DS is starting school (reception) in September so I'm a bit nervous about it, not so much school itself but the inevitable meltdowns afterwards
I have raised the issue of behaviour with DS's keyworker at nursery (as we've been through lots of challenging phases) but they haven't had any concerns so I think he masks there or just doesn't have too many demands that he finds unacceptable.