Does this qualify as SEN?

[CrazyTitsLiz]

My son is just five. He's very intelligent. He's in the hardest groups for phonics and maths. He's excellent at reading. He's not keen on writing.

However, his school have said he doesn't listen very well and doesn't always follow instructions. He's like this at home, and we've put it down to him being a bit of a twat pain but we aren't particularly concerned as he will do as he's told eventually. His teacher has now decided she's completing a Cause For Concern report for him, with a view to putting him on a My Plan.

He's not horrible or mean. He's not violent. He's just stubborn and likes to do things his way. Does this seem a normal reaction to what I thought was typical five year old behaviour?

Why do you think you would have to be "horrible or mean" or "violent" if you have some sort of additional need ???

Because that's what I said.

🙄🙄

I would trust the teachers judgement, they won't have wanted to implement any of these things, they feel they are necessary for your child's development and may be trying certain interventions to ensure that your child is more able to form good friendships and relationships with the adults at school.

Also please understand that children with additional needs are not horrible/mean, they are often dealing with intense anxiety and don't always understand social rules and boundaries. If your child does have an additional needs, it will benefit them to have this noted early on and you'll need to work closely with the teachers.

The point I was trying to make is that there are no other concerns with regard to his behaviour. I know they're not the only markers for SEN. I was just trying to give a clear overview of him.

He's a lovely and loving little boy.

I didn't mean to offend. Sorry.

This sounds quite a bit like my son who is now 9. Though my son would strike out when upset, but equally he would never initiate meanness, just react to what he considered someone being mean to him. That could be something simple such as the preschool teacher asking him to stop doing an activity. At school he is considered a gentle child, but he will hit another child if he thinks thy are being nasty to him.
He is excellent at maths, English, reading etc but his writing is atrocious and he hates doing it. He is doing tutoring outside school at the moment and when there is an English assignment I get him to do it on the laptop and print it off as he loves technology and is a fast and accurate typer.
We wondered if he could have ASD from around 18 months and as he is high functioning we didn’t get a diagnosis until age 9. We weren’t necessarily looking for a diagnosis, just help for him to achieve his potential as he is so bright, but certain aspects of his behaviour could prevent him getting the most out of school. He hates instruction and doesn’t listen well, not good at giving others their turn etc I have wondered whether he may have traits of Pathological Demand Avoidance, a type of ASD, as he doesn’t have all the traits of ASD and it’s almost as though he needs to learn under his own terms. He’ll happily select a YouTube video about something and then be very knowledgeable on that subject, but a teacher stood in front of him teaching him doesn’t seem to work for him.

My DS was like this. He has very mild ASD, but honestly, it's hardly anything. I am glad with hindsight that the school raised it, but at first I found it very hard to take, as I'm sure you do OP.

The thing is, that the teachers need to find a way for your son to fit in in class and be able to "access education". If his behaviour is making that difficult, even in a little bit, then they will want to look at why that is. Either they need to discipline him, or teach you to discipline him, or if there is a behavioural problem, then they need to understand what that is.

By flagging up that they see a behavioural difference that is affecting his ability to access education, they are just doing the very best for him that they can. They need to get to a place where they understand what the issue is, so that by the time he reaches secondary school he is well understood, and ready to get the best access to education that he can get.

If you can manage to take it as kindly meant, and to work hand-in-hand with them then that will really help.

One caveat in our case is that the school had very little funding to have the situation looked at by a psychologist. We had to pay privately for an assessment, or else we would have achieved nothing really. If you can pay for a private assessment that will help a lot.

fwiw, I do think that seeming like a highy intelligent twat pain can be a sign of ASD, but it tends to be a specific type of behaviour, that the teachers will be able to distinguish from neurotypical type twattishness. I am diagnosed as having ASD, so I speak from experience. LOL! (Sorry)

Good luck and take care there. I know this can feel very hard.