Explosive 10 year old

[ihearttc]

This is probably not even the right place to post but I’m all out of ideas and thought someone else might be able to point me in the right direction for some help.
DS2 is 10 (he has a 16 year old brother). He was born at 32 weeks as I had severe PE (probably not relevant but thought I’d mention it just in case). He has always been incredibly hard work, I’ve often joked if he’d been born first I wouldn’t have had anymore. He is very very different to my older son, could never sit still as a toddler and very loud all the time. Every thing has to be on his terms, I almost want to say he is manipulative but it’s more that he has to be in control of everything all the time.

He is fairly bright, top groups at school and doing well academically so no concerns in that respect. For the most part he is incredibly well behaved at school, has lots of friends but no best friend. He is really helpful and caring. He is also very sporty which is where some of the issues start. He plays football at quite a high level and really struggles with dealing with things when he is playing. The slightest thing will just lead to him completely exploding, kicking the ball off, deliberately kicking his team mates and mumbling under his breath. Obviously this cannot continue, however 30 seconds after he has done it he is completely calm. It’s like a switch going off. It’s the same at home as well, one minute he will be raging with shoes being thrown across the room and I’m being yelled at and the next minute he is saying sorry and hugging me. I’ve tried talking to him and all I can get out of him is that he can’t cope of things don’t go his way. My friend suggested that he might be anxious and whilst I can sort of see where she is coming from, he is the most over confident child I have ever come across. I’m a TA so I’m used to all sorts of characters!!

My gut feeling for years is that he has got something else going on, whilst he was younger it was easy to pass it off as “tantrums” almost but as he has got older I can really see just how challenging his behaviour is. We are all so used to it that it’s just a way of life, we walk on eggshells around him to not make him angry. I know school will say there is nothing wrong so going down that route won’t help, I’m willing to pay privately if I could get him some help before high school but I’m honestly not sure if there is an issue or it’s just his personality.

It's sounds like a neurodevelopmental assessment &/or Ed Psych would be helpful. If you want to go privately GOSH have a world-renowned neurodevelopmental clinic for more complex or unusual presentations which accepts private referrals, Evelina has a similar clinic and I think also accepts private patients.

Anxiety, impulsivity or poor emotional literacy, or a combination of, all sound plausible. Have you looked a PDA? Even if it isn't PDA similar strategies may help.

Coping at school and exploding at home isn't unusual, it does point to DS having unmet needs at school.

I’ve thought it may be PDA before but school are so adament that it isn’t that I haven’t pursued it. I’ve just read up on it again and it’s honestly like looking at my son.

Whatever assessment he has Im afraid he is very likely to mask there as well as he can switch off and on at the drop of a hat!

Many schools don't recognise a child who is masking, especially when the child is academically able, quiet and compliant. They fly under the radar. Some schools don't recognise the wings for what they are.

Don't worry about DS masking during an assessment. A good assessor will be able to spot the signs of masking, and things like the ADOS are designed to elicit certain behaviours. I had similar worries, especially with DD2, an excellent masker and an expert at imitating others' behaviour, but I needn't have worried. Many others also have concerns, mostly unfounded.