CAHMS referral submitted for possible ADHD/ASD, what can we do in the meantime?

[Keeponmovin123]

I have a 6 yr old boy (Y2) with possible ADHD/ASD. I have two older children (Y3 & Y5) and my youngest has been very challenging from the age of 3 - he wasn't easy as a toddler but we put that down to age. He was always different to his peer group. The 'naughtiness' we experienced when younger is now more episodes of rage/violence/negativity and he reacts to any small slight. I can't take my eyes off him in a playground as I don't trust his behaviour - physical or verbal fights with other kids are pretty common (ones he has never met, some he knows from school or via his siblings).

Pre-school year was a nightmare - lots of aggression towards me in particular, reception year was a little better but incredibly defiant, first term of Y1 was truly awful (I think conforming to the rules and regulations was causing anxiety) and then lockdown. While lockdown removed the stressful 'out of home' issues we experience it hasn't done wonders for his social skills.

He makes life at home and when out pretty challenging, his behaviour impacts on his siblings and tbh leaves us (my husband and I) feeling pretty broken.

A referral went in a couple of weeks ago - his behaviour at school is mostly ok, I know there have been aggressive acts towards other kids at times but mostly the issues are at home/or out. Family support are also involved.

I've ordered 'The Explosive Child'. I'm aware of the need to focus on ALL positive behaviour and not to get into a downward spiral of negativity. To brief him on the behavioural expectations before we leave to go anywhere.

Are there any resources or strategies that have worked for others?

It is so hard as none of my friends/family have experienced behaviour like this (although lots of them have witnessed it).

I'd love to be able to understand him better so we can try and support him the best we can and make our family life more positive.

The ADDitude is full of good information/webinars/podcasts etc. I'm also reading the Boy From Hell, author's son diagnosed at the same age as your DS.

@adhdpunchbag thank you, I’ll check both of those out

A few chapters into ‘The Explosive Child’ and it is making A LOT of sense.

"Raising Lions" is another good read.

Praise, praise, praise. He’s probably getting so much negative feedback, he must be feeling awful about himself. Neurodivergent kids get corrected soooo much, it’s really hard for them and they can internalise it and start to feel very down on themselves — which just makes it harder to cope. Give him all the love, affection and physical comfort you can and try to be understanding of what he’s going through.

It also helps to shift the focus from ‘behaviour’ to sensory processing. Change his environment to make his life easier, rather than despairing because he’s not coping how other kids do. Create a calming space for him to go, with furry blankets and LED lights. Let him bounce on a trampoline or push heavy objects around. Give him plenty of crunchy food to eat and let him play with play doh, etc. Look up ‘sensory diet’ for other ideas. This has all helped for us.