dyspraxia - do things get better, ever???

[Mousie]

Hello

feeling low. my dd (6)is dyspraxic and possibly on the autistic spectrum, yet to be diagnosed. I find her behavious so hard to deal with and just don't have the patience for what is required. it doesnt' help that her younger brother finds life so so so much easier. She is in mainstream school, has occupational therapy (privately) and so many other issues. we can't afford to move her to a smaller school and i am not sure that would be the answer anyway. she flaps, she screams, she is so unhappy so much of the time that I dread time with her, weekends are awful. what i really want to know is do things improve - can things improve? I just look into the future for her and feel so miserable at what it might entail. no friends and increasingly unmanageable, unusual behaviour....

she is perfectly behaved at school by the way. she finds everything hard, but doesn;t exhibit any of her difficult behaviour there. though i think she does cry quite a bit and is oversensitive. mainly cos she has no one to play with much of the time

try not to despair too much mousie. I don't have any direct experience, but my brothers step son has dyspraxia and ADHD; he is now 17, has some very good friends and has just started college.

Have you spoken to the school about it. My DSs school has a buddy system so that children are never left alone at playtimes.

Someone with more expereince will be along soon, I'm sure.

thank you. i don't know why things are so tough now, i just feel very unoptimistic about her future. buddy system a nice idea.

I do dimly remember 6 being a tricky age for my son. He has ASD, dyspraxia, various visual and auditory processing stuff and SALT. His handwriting has been non existent until recently (he's now 12). His younger brother (5 years younger) can do stuff that son 1 can't but son 1 doesn't seem to worry about it and is really proud of his brother.
It does get better from my experience. He has days when he is completely 'yonderly' but most of the time he's pretty good. The constant wriggling and and inability to sit in a chair drives me up the wall but hey. At your daughters age other kids are normally quite accepting. I would talk to the school and see if they can sort out a 'circle of friends' and perhaps invite one to the house for a short time or to a soft play place perhaps.

hello

thanks flyingmum . yes yonderly is a word i should add to my vocabulary. she seems miserable at school r.e. friends but never asks for them at home. her brother, two years younger can already write better and neater than her. her handwriting and organisation skills are totally atrocious. and i think girls are crueller than boys at pointing things out and labelling people. more sophisticated maybe.. i think the girls are persecuting her more and denting her confidence, which just gets worse.

but thank you. i just really need to feel there is some light for the future. i just see her gradually realising more and more how "behind" she is and how different. 6/7 year old girls are just so sophisticated and mean at times. boys much nicer from my limited experience!

hello

thanks flyingmum . yes yonderly is a word i should add to my vocabulary. she seems miserable at school r.e. friends but never asks for them at home. her brother, two years younger can already write better and neater than her. her handwriting and organisation skills are totally atrocious. and i think girls are crueller than boys at pointing things out and labelling people. more sophisticated maybe.. i think the girls are persecuting her more and denting her confidence, which just gets worse.

but thank you. i just really need to feel there is some light for the future. i just see her gradually realising more and more how "behind" she is and how different. 6/7 year old girls are just so sophisticated and mean at times. boys much nicer from my limited experience!

Hi Mousie,

My DS1 has been dx with dyspraxia and AS so I know where you are coming from. He is 7yo.

We saw the OT a couple of weeks ago (1st time in 2 years mind you) and she said they finish provision at the end of Junior school because by then the children should have learnt enough coping strategies to deal with their condition going forward. Also as they get older their problems with coordination get less of an issue. We don't have to run, jump throw and catch. Also in this day and age people don't actually write very much so even handwriting is not an issue.

What I am trying to say that to an extent your DD will grow out of it or at least passed it.

AS children are a little bit like little adults in some ways so I suppose that they may well fit in better as they grow up too. Also I think with my DS that in other ways he is socially immature but what, for example, his friends do at 7 he might with help be able to do at 8 or 9 or even later. So by the time he gets to adulthood he will be a little less unusal.

That doesn't make the current struggles any easier except that it probably won't get any worse than it is now.

If you have a formal dx the school might also be prepared to help out more, although they shouldn't have to wait, they could help now if you want them to. As others have said they can help your DD find people to play with so that she feels a little less left out.

yes will be a bit more forceful with the school. it is such a minefield - she has ot but i do it privately as nothing available on nhs here or at school. people tend to move their kids if they have problems, basically. but i don't really want to if at all possible to keep her in same school as her brother. also with her beign my first child so much of her development i assumed was normal, until my son came along and quickly caught up. and school is very very uncompetitive so would never tell me she was struggling though she patently patently is. cant win! but thanks, i just need reassurance on atough weekend...

It is not a bad thing to be uncompetitive but it goes so far that they are burying their head in the sand over a child who is obviously struggling and got doing as well as they could because of a problem then they need a kick up the bum!

My DS has some of his OT at school so if you are going privately I assume you are having to do all the programme at home. That must be really hard. DS will try harder and moan less for somebody at school than he ever will for me.

Are you on a waiting list to get a dx at the moment?

I have dyspraxia and sometimes found things hard at school, but did ok in the end (bit of a blip between ages 7 and 12) and went to uni and had loads of friends and got a good degree. There's light at the end of the tunnel Perhaps she just hasn't found her peer group - it took me quite a while. But what I'm trying to say is that her talents will shine through in the end.

mousie sorry you're feeling so low.

My DS1 is dyspraxic and probably something else that has never been dx. He is now 20 and it is obvious he isn't NT.

However he got good GCSE grades and reasonable A levels and is at uni. He held down a Saturday job at McDs for 2 years before he left home and was well thought of there. He doesn't have a lot of friends but those he has are good friends. He seems reasonably happy with his life.

DS2 has ADHD and dyspraxia. He is in Y13 and looking at unis.

A huge plus of having non NT children is that they don't fall for peer pressure like everyone else... DS1 and DS2 don't care what they wear. DS2 is never happier than when I turn up at his school and he comes ballroom dancing with me.

DS3 is NT. Wants fashionable clothes; won't be seen in public with me and is a PITA generally.

There is light at the end of the tunnel. Hang on in there.

Ds2 is 11 and dyspraxic. I noticed quite a change when he moved on to secondary school this year. From being at a primary school that wasn't interested in helping him, he's now at a secondary school who's first words to me were "how can we help?". He is loving the independence of getting on a bus to school, although for the first few weeks my heart was in my mouth worrying that he wouldn't remember where to get off.

The lessons are so much more interesting for him that I believe that's encouraged him to try harder with his handwriting. It's now legible. He told me how hard he was trying to make his writing smaller because he loves the lessons.

He's made new friends having gone through primary with 1 friend. Before he moved on to secondary school I encouraged him to make new friends with children from other schools where his reputation wasn't known.

I have had to replace 1 coat and 1 sweatshirt in 2 months, so nothing changed there!

Evenhope makes an interesting point about not falling for peer pressure. I hadn't make that link before, but it's true here too. He couldn't care less what other children get up to or wear. He's a very happy, easy-going child. His NT brother is currently on offer to the first bidder!

thank you. all this really is reassuring to read. you are right about peer pressur e- i guess i am just not quite at the age for that to have kicked in, but i do feel what you are saying in my bones. e.g. my son has a christmas list as long as his arm and my daughter doesn't want anything, she never wants things, other than the odd cuddly thing. she has no concept of materialism or acquiring things. and as yet very happy to always be with me. i remember the walking ten feet in front of or behind my parents. would be nice to think she doesn't do that for me. will go and have another word with the school. maybe a more foreceful one. this thread has cheered me up so thank you all. and any more encouragement really welcome.

HH Mousie. Is there anything your DD is interested in outside school, if there is try and get her involved in an activity as it will help her with her social skills.It helped DD3 15 is dyspraxic. She used to find it hard making friends. Although she has only got a couple of school friends she has a wide group of friends from Drama Club and Youth club.She goes into town wtihhtes friends and has been to the cinema with them. She is able to go by bus to town by herself and meet them at an agreed tinme and place. She always gets herself back home. She is now in year 11 and I went with her to look at a college on tuesday she really liked the college. She will have to get two buses there and she is prepared to do this.
Hope this helps you.

again, thanks mumeeee. so far no real interests, just bizarre obsessions (lining up smoothie cartons, that sort of thing). she is poor at sports with co ordination but a very fast runner, so as soon as she can join an athletics club i will encourage that. drama sort of appeals, she does silly voices and accents very convincingly but isn't a natural show off (unlike her brother). but am keeping a lock out for things that she is good at.unfortunately tend to just notice all the things she can't do

Hiya, DS1 has a dx of HFA / AS and is beinga ssessed for dyslexia also, I agree that 6 (he's now almost 8) was the ahrdest age of all in many ways- its when the work at school kicked in and the gaps started to show.

Have you looked into BIBIC? (www.bibic.org.uk), they helped change things amssively for ds1.

Weekends are ahrd with ds too- its because they're more unstructured than school i think, we ahve to structure them quite closely now and give him lots of warnigngs. Does she ahve a viual timetable?